The best Quotes by Zlatan Ibrahimović

Since I left France, everything has gone downhill. France needs me, I don't need France. Even if you have Mbappé, Neymar and Messi, it doesn't help you because you don't have God.

October 2022

Neymar Paris Saint-Germain

This is for Mino Raiola. It's the first title I have won without Mino by my side. I was close to signing for Napoli, then he told me that I was the only one who could save Milan. So I dedicate it to him.

May 2022

Mino Raiola A.C. Milan

Broker: "I found a nice house, but has no furnitures."
Zlatan: "Then you go to IKEA and you get the furnitures."
Broker: "Rich people don't buy furnitures in IKEA."
Zlatan: "No, but intelligent people do."

IKEA

One year with me and you learned how to win titles.

July 2021, about Gianluigi Donnarumma winning EURO

Chelsea can't sign me, I have more trophies than Chelsea. I should be the one to sign them.

November 2020

Chelsea F.C.

I am president, player and coach. The only negative is that I only get paid for being a player.

July 2020

I'm old. That's no secret. Age is just a number!

July 2020

I tested negative to Covid yesterday and positive today. No symptoms what so ever. Covid had the courage to challenge me. Bad idea.

September 2020

Corona-Jokes

I came, I saw, I conquered. Thank you LA Galaxy for making me feel alive again. To the Galaxy fans - you wanted Zlatan, I gave you Zlatan. You are welcome. The story continues... Now go back to watch baseball.

November 2019

I'm from Sweden, I was born in the snow. When it snows, I'm a viking. When it's warm, I'm a lion. We adjust for every condition there is.

October 2019

Sweden Vikings & Northmen

Some players get trophys, some get statues. Some get both.

at the inauguration of his statue, October 8th 2019

I do not need a trophy to tell myself that I am the best.

I think I am difficult to satisfy, because when I win something, I'm already thinking about the next step, and that is maybe a problem for me. I'm not enjoying the moment. I'm already on the mission to win the next trophy.

Ambition Satisfaction

Now LA has a God and a King!
Zlatan welcomes @KingJames

July 2018

Los Angeles Lakers

What ever I would do, I would be the one I am today. I chose football and I'm sorry for the other fans that are cheering for other sports, because it would be the same thing.

Jimmy Kimmel Live! - Sendung vom 17.04.2018

Quotes about Football/Soccer

People told me, "When you come to Los Angeles, don't worry, you can walk on the streets" But since day one, it's busy everywhere. But it's my own fault. 'Cause when you play the way I do, I mean.

Jimmy Kimmel Live! - Sendung vom 17.04.2018

I wanted to give Los Angeles a gift. I was thinking a long time. And then one day it came like: I should give myself.

Jimmy Kimmel Live! - Sendung vom 17.04.2018

I can play in the 11 positions because a good player can play anywhere.

When you buy me, you are buying a Ferrari. If you drive a Ferrari you put premium petrol in the tank, you hit the motorway and you step on the gas. Guardiola filled up with diesel and took a spin in the countryside. He should have bought a Fiat.

about playing for FC Barcelona and Pep Guardiola

Ferrari

Reporter: "Who will win the World Cup play-off?"
Ibrahimović: "Only God knows."
Reporter: "It's kind of hard to ask him."
Ibrahimović: "Why? You're looking at him now."

One thing is for sure, a World Cup without me is nothing to watch.

I think I'm like wine. The older I get, the better I get.

Wine

There was the thought that this would send me into retirement. I sent their entire country into retirement.

after qualifying for the EURO 2016 with Sweden against Denmark

Denmark Funny Football Quotes

I don't believe they can change the Eiffel Tower for my statue, even the people behind the club. But if they can, I will stay here - I promise you.

about his future at Paris Saint-Germain

Paris Saint-Germain Funny Football Quotes

Zlatan is just a human. The same way a great white shark is just a fish.

via Twitter, October 3rd 2014

Funny Football Quotes

I came like a king, left like a legend.

when leaving Paris Saint-Germain

Paris Saint-Germain

You'll have to ask your wife that one.

after being asked about the scratches in his face

Come over to my house baby, and bring your sister. I'll show you who's gay.

after being asked about his sexual orientation

Lukaku's better than me? You make me laugh. My nose is bigger than his career.

Noses

Quotes about Zlatan Ibrahimović

If Mario Balotelli had Zlatan Ibrahimovic's head, Lionel Messi would have fewer Ballon d'Or awards.

Mino Raiola

Lionel Messi Mario Balotelli

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Current health status for the ones wondering: pissed off. Second time in 4 months they kill me.

Mino Raiola - April 2022, about false news about his death

Do you want a dictator as president of FIFA or a democracy? Even a 15-year-old kid knows that the only good thing about FIFA is the video game.

Mino Raiola

FIFA Association

Sepp Blatter is a demented dictator. It makes me deeply sick just to think about Blatter being re-elected.

Mino Raiola

Sepp Blatter FIFA Association

Pep Guardiola, the coach, is fantastic. As a person he's an absolute zero. He's a coward, a dog.

Mino Raiola

Pep Guardiola

I think Cruyff and Guardiola can go to a mental hospital together, shut up, sit there and play cards together. They would do football and Barcelona a great service.

Mino Raiola

FC Barcelona

Fake news travel quick and far.

Mino Raiola - April 2021

Fake News

Our secretary of health and human sacrifice, RFK Jr.

Jimmy Kimmel (Jimmy Kimmel Live!) - May 2025

RFK Jr.

For every $1 we could raise, they'll remove one pound of plastic from the ocean. We're trying to raise $30 million by the end of the year.

Mark Rober in Jimmy Kimmel Live! - November 2021

I'm having a really good time. The costume's probably slightly different than you might expect. But to go back into the role [of Obi-Wan] is great.

Ewan McGregor in Jimmy Kimmel Live! - May 2021, about shooting the Obi-Wan series

Obi-Wan Kenobi

PSG - I think they had a money problem and they couldn't buy players. This is the main reason I didn't go there.

Ángel Di María

Paris Saint-Germain

When Dortmund won here for the last time, 19 years ago, most of my players have still been quenched.

Jürgen Klopp

Borussia Dortmund Funny Football Quotes

Losing hurts me... it's something I still haven't learned to live with. Yesterday when I lost, I went to give a hug to the biggest and best in history. My friend and brother Messi.

Neymar - July 2021, after Copa América finals

Lionel Messi

It's crazy that it has happened this way. I wanted it very much. I knew God was going to give it to me, I sensed it was going to be this.

Lionel Messi - December 2022, on Argentina winning the World Cup

Argentinia FIFA World Cup 2022

If Real comes back against Dortmund I will let my girlfriend sleep with the players.

Mario Balotelli - April 2013

Real Madrid Borussia Dortmund Funny Football Quotes

I feel happy here and want to stay in Milan for ten seasons and then retire at the age of 36.

Robinho

A.C. Milan

Ikaris: "I bet you've built the perfect safe house. And what's this even made of - Vibranium?"
Phastos: "Fall collection. IKEA."

Phastos in Eternals

IKEA

The fans clapping along to The Liquidator when we walk out. That is definitely one that means a lot.

Mason Mount

Chelsea F.C.

Crazy times we're living in. I used to cough to hide a fart, now I'm farting to hide a cough.

Corona-Jokes

I'm glad to announce that President Erdogan has agreed to forward the accession protocol for Sweden to the grand national assembly as soon as possible.

Jens Stoltenberg - Juli 2023

Sweden 2023 NATO

There hasn't been a war run this badly since Olaf the hairy, King of all the Vikings, ordered 80,000 battle helmets with the horns on the inside.

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

Vikings & Northmen

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