Quotes and Sayings about Your Mom jokes

Your mom's so fat, even in Minecraft she appears round.

Your mom's so fat, when she plays Fortnite, she's stuck on the starting island because she can't fit into the battle bus.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

"There's perfect men around every corner", said God an made the Earth round.

Working out makes people more comfortable with their naked bodies. So does Tequila.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

Bacteria is the only culture some people have.

If you're not careful, Netflix & Chill can turn into Disney+ & Children pretty damn fast.

Work eight hours and sleep eight hours and make sure that they are not the same hours.

What would I put in a museum? Probably a museum. That's an amusing relic of our past.

Wade: "What can I get for $275 and a Yogurtland rewards card?"
Vanessa: "Baby, about 48 minutes of whatever the f*ck you want. And a low-fat dessert."

I do not like broccoli. And I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli.

Behind every successful man is a proud wife and a surprised mother-in-law.

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.

There are two sides to every question: my side and the wrong side.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

My first words, as I was being born I looked up at my mother and said, "that's the last time I'm going up one of those!"

My mind is like an internet browser - I have 23 tabs open, 4 are frozen, and I don't know where the music is coming from.

I went to a costume party dressed as a chicken and hooked up with a girl dressed as an egg.

Long story short:
The chicken.

There are only two things I can't stand in this world: People who are intolerant of other people's cultures... and the Dutch.

I would never go bungee jumping. A broken rubber brought me into this world, a broken rubber isn't taking me out of it.

The mind is a complex and many-layered thing, Potter... or at least, most minds are.

Christ, you two! All I can say is if I ever get anal polyps, I'll know what to name them.

I'll be very clear here, because you and I face an evolutionary gap.

Longbottom, if brains were gold, you'd be poorer than Weasley, and that's saying something.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

I'm gonna knock your teeth so far down your throat, you'll have to shove a toothbrush up your ass to brush 'em.

Student: "Nice wig, Janis. What's it made of?"
Janis: "Your mom's chest hair!"

Griselda: "I heard that you liked my product."
Eddie 'The Bird' Rancon: "Beautiful. Was like shoving a f*cking coca plant up my nose."
Griselda: "Give the size of that thing I bet you have the whole f*cking brick up there."

The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr Brain has long since departed, hasn't he, Percy?

Your brain is so minute Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn't be enough to cover a small water biscuit.

Baldrick, your head is as empty as a eunach's underpants.

Prince George: "Someone said I had the wit and intellect of a donkey."
Blackadder: "Oh, an absurd suggestion sir. Unless it was a particularly stupid donkey."

My fists have a very strict diet... they only eat losers!

Whenever people agree with me, I always feel I must be wrong.

One of the both of us is smarter than you are.

I never forget a face. But in your case, I'll make an exception.

Are you a professional moron or just a gifted amateur?

"The only time you seem honest is when you're insulting someone!"
"The only honest things I can say to you are insults."

Girl, if brains were dynamite, you'd be a dud.

If your heart is gold and your body is steel, why's tin between your ears?

Somebody once said I had a face for radio and a voice for newspapers.

Pinky, you give a whole new meaning to the phrase, "counter-intelligence". You have the I.Q. of plaster.

You know you fail at Minecraft when you think dirt is useless.

So you're mining stuff to craft with and crafting stuff to mine with? Did your dad write this game?

Fortnite really is just the perfect storm of a game. You have the fact that it's free to play on almost every platform, and everything about the game is enjoyable.

We see that as Fortnite evolves, it's evolving beyond being a game.