The best Quotes by Woody Allen

The best Quotes by Woody Allen

Heywood Allen (born Allan Stewart Konigsberg; November 30, 1935) is an American filmmaker, actor, and comedian whose career spans more than six decades. Allen has received many accolades, including the most nominations for the Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay, with 16.

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But, then one suffers from not loving.
12
I wondered if a memory is something you have or something you've lost.
11
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
2
Love is the answer. But while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
2
I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
1
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
1
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
1
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
1
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
1
I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
1
Can we actually 'know' the universe? My God, it's hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown.
1
Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.
1
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?
Tradition is the illusion of permanance.
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply', but not in those words.
My brain: it's my second favorite organ.
It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.
I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.
Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Quotes about Woody Allen

I personally find it difficult to accept that there could be anyone on earth insensitive to the comic abilities of Laurel and Hardy, Sid Caesar, Woody Allen, Mel Brooks, or Martin Short. But no matter who the comic entertainer is, there is always at least a minority prepared to say, 'What's all the excitement about? He doesn't seem funny to me.'

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It takes much more courage to be in love than it does for war.
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6
If you want more sex, just ask for it.
19
Alcohol is for people who can afford to lose a few brain-cells.
Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 6 Episode 3
6
Dark energy is perhaps the biggest mystery in physics.
Every language has its own music.
God knew, that the Jews were going to go through some shit. So he made one in ten of us crazy to keep the others entertained.
Harry, suffering like this proves you are still a man! This pain is part of being human.
35
You think the dead we loved ever truly leave us? You think we don’t recall them more clearly than ever in times of great trouble? Your father is alive in you, Harry, and shows himself plainly when you have need of him.
28
The future is easy because it doesn't exist; but the past is painful because it lives forever.
Lust and logic never seem to go hand in hand.
You know, it has been 17 days since I've "enjoyed" you. And I assume it's been months since you've enjoyed me.
Doug Heffernan in King of Queens - Season 1 Episode 1
2
Insurance is like marriage. You pay and pay, and never get anything back!
1
You should never trust a woman who just had her heart broken. We tend to lie.
Bree Van De Kamp in Desperate Housewives - Season 1 Episode 12
18
As much money and life as you could want! The two things most human beings would choose above all - the trouble is, humans do have a knack of choosing precisely those things that are worst for them.
20
Poverty is the stepmother of genius.
I am not gay. Although I wish I were, just to piss off homophobes.
9
My son Jack once said to me, "Dad, do you think people are laughing with you or at you?"
I said, "I don't care as long as they're laughing."
Ross: "I could ask her to live with me. I mean, why not?"
Chandler: "Because you've only known her for six weeks. I've got a carton of milk in my refrigerator I've had a longer relationship with."
Chandler Bing in Friends - Season 4 Episode 19
2
Everything existing in the Universe is the fruit of chance and necessity.
Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery.
23
Mankind invented the atomic bomb, but no mouse would ever construct a mousetrap.
18
Violence, remember it's only the body that's fragile. You are unbreakable.
Tradition does not mean that the living are dead, it means that the dead are living.
People live their lives bound by what they accept as correct and true. That's how they define reality. But what does it mean to be correct or true? Merely vague concepts. Their reality may all be a mirage. Can we consider them to simply be living in their own world, shaped by their beliefs?
13
Dude, I don't want to talk about Lacey's prom shoes. And I'll tell you why: I have this thing that makes me really uninterested in prom shoes. It's called a penis.
7

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