The best Quotes by Will Livingston

People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.

How does a computer get drunk?
It takes screenshots.

What did the frustrated cannibal do?
He threw up his hands.

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

What did the mermaid wear to her math class? An algae bra!

It doesn't matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

If somehow the Lord gave me a second chance at that moment... I would do it all over again.

I guess no matter how hard you try, you can't escape your past.

I struggled for a long time with survivin'. And you - no matter what, you keep finding something to fight for.

Dina: "You're infuriating."
Ellie: "Have you met you?"
Dina: "You make me want to go back outside into that blizzard."
Ellie: "No one is stopping you."

Abby: "Do we have to go back this way?"
Owen: "Consider it an opportunity to work on your fears."
Abby: "How about I work my foot up your ass?"
Owen: "Abby, stop flirting!"

Jewish holidays are all about food... and celebrating not getting annihilated by our enemies.

But we fight, for every second we get to spend with each other. Whether it’s two minutes or two days, we don’t give that up. I don’t want to give that up.

To the edge of the universe and back. Endure and survive.

Ellie: "Jeol, look!"
Joel: "That is a... hat on a dinosaur."
Ellie: "It's called a Hatosaur. This one's brain was the size of a walnut."
Joel: "No way. Looks like you two have something in common."

Dina: "I think Shimmer's getting sick."
Ellie: "What? How can you tell?"
Dina: "She sounds a little hoarse."

Ellie: "Did everyone have boats back then?"
Joel: "Yeah. I had a sixty foot yacht."
Ellie: "Really?"
Joel: "No."
Ellie: "Sarcasm... making progress."

Why did the scarecrow get a promotion? He was outstanding in his field.

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

3.14% of sailors are Pi Rates.

I used to be addicted to soap. But I'm clean now.

A book just fell on my head, I only have my shelf to blame.

Ellie: "That girl is so skinny… I thought you had plenty of food in your time."
Joel: "We did. Some just chose not to eat it."
Ellie: "Why the hell not?"
Joel: "For looks."
Ellie: "That's stupid."

Joel: "How 'bout you, kid? You okay?"
Ellie: "Define okay."
Joel: "Are you still breathing?"
Ellie: "Do small, panicked breaths count?"
Joel: "Yeah, they count."
Ellie: "Alright, then I'm okay."

I know you mean well. I know you wanna protect me. You have. And when we're done, we'll go wherever you want. Tommy's, sheep ranch, the moon... I'll follow you anywhere you go. But there's no halfway with this. We finish what we started.

Joel: "A deep breath in, slow breath out. You squeeze the trigger like you love it. Gentle, steady, nice and slow."
Ellie: "You gonna shoot this thing or get it pregnant?"

Be careful who you put your faith in. The only people who can betray us, are the ones we trust.

Joel: "I need you to tell us where we are."
Man: "If you got a map, why you lost?"
Ellie: "Must've missed all the street signs in the enormous f*cking forest."

Joel: "You got any advice on the best way west?"
Man: "Yeah. Go east."

It's easier when you're a kid anyway. You don't have anybody else relying on you. That's the hardest part.

Joel: "You keep going for family."
Ellie: "I'm not family?"
Joel: "No. You're cargo."

Then odds are he'll be near a settlement, probably close to another city out there. Ain't too many of 'em in Wyoming.

Joel: "Long way or short way?"
Tess: "I mean, it's the long way or the 'we're f*ckin' dead' way."
Ellie: "Well, I vote long way just based on that limited information."

Ellie: "Can I have a gun?"
Joel: "Absolutely not."
Ellie: "Okay, Jesus. Fine. I'll have to throw a f*ckin' sandwich at them."

Ellie: "There's not gonna be anything bad in here?"
Joel: "Just you."

Joel: "Where'd you get the money for this?"
Sarah: "Drugs. I sell hardcore drugs."
Joel: "It's better than what I do."

Joel: "You keep going for family."
Ellie: "I'm not family?"
Joel: "No. You're cargo."

If you don't think there's hope for the world, why bother going on?

Joel: "You got any advice on the best way west?"
Man: "Yeah! Go east."

Ellie: "Everybody I've cared for, either died or left me."
Joel: "You have no idea what loss is."

The hope is there. The sun is rising. Our best days are yet to come.

For the mind disturbed, the still beauty of dawn is nature's finest balm.

Take it from me, buddy: It's darkest just before the dawn.

What is the downside to eating a clock?
It's time consuming.

Ellie, you're treading on some mighty thin ice here.

Joel: "Where'd you get the money for this?"
Sarah: "Drugs. I sell hardcore drugs."
Joel: "Oh good. You can start helpin' out with the mortgage, then."

I'm gonna find - and I'm gonna kill - every last one of them.

All this music that's just sitting here. No one's around to listen to it. I don't know. Doesn't seem right.

Lip: "Hey, whoa. You really think they deserve your hard-earned money for that service?"
Frank: "Dine and dash?"
Lip: "Bite and bolt."
Frank: "Eat it and beat it?"