Quotes by Wednesday Addams

Amanda: "I'll buy a cup if you buy a box of my delicious Girl Scout cookies."
Wednesday: "Are they made from real Girl Scouts?"

Weems: "No doubt you'll find something that tickles your fancy."
Wednesday: "The last person who tickled me lost a finger."

Dead people are notoriously bad at returning calls.

This story is about to take a dark turn. Usually, I love dark turns. Like when the carousel brakes myteriously failed at my eighth birthdays party.

Never bring a knife to a sword fight. Unless it's concealed.

I find Social Media to be a soul-sucking void of meaningless affirmation.

Morticia: "That boy's family was going to file attempted murder charges. How would that have looked on your record?"
Wednesday: "Terrible. Everyone would know I failed to get the job done."

I'm not sure whose twisted idea it was to put hundreds of adolescents in underfunded schools run by people whose dreams were crushed years ago... but I admire the sadism.

I cried my little black heart out. But tears don't fix anything. So I vowed to never do it again.

I act as if I don't care if people dislike me. Deep down, I actually enjoy it.

Marylin Thornhill: "I trust Enid has given you the old Nevermore welcome."
Wednesday: "She's been smothering me with hospitality. I hope to return the favor... in her sleep."

Morticia: "Please excuse Wednesday. She's allergic to color."
Enid: "Wow, what happens to you?"
Wednesday: "I break out into hives, and then the flesh peels off my bones."

I don't have a phone. I refuse to be a slave to technology.

Little did I know that I would be stepping into a nightmare full of mystery, mayhem and murder. I think I'm going to love it here.

Enid Sinclair: "Want to take a stab at being social?"
Wednesday: "I do like stabbing. The social part, not so much."

Emotion equals weakness.

I did the world a favor. People like Dalton shouldn't be allowed to procreate. Getting expelled was just a bonus.

The only person who gets to torture my brother is me.

You must be the self-appointed Queen Bee. Interesting thing about bees. Pull out their stingers, they drop dead.

Morticia: "Wednesday's at that very special age when a girl has only one thing on her mind."
Grandmother: "Boys?"
Wednesday: "Homocide."

Wednesday: "Pass the salt."
Morticia: "And what do we say?"
Wednesday: "Now!"

Living under this roof is all the torment you'll need. Besides, our parents have made it clear that the only way to be accepted in this family is to be exactly like them. I can't play by those rules anymore.

Morticia: "How was school?"
Pugsley: "Terrible. Especially history."
Wednesday: "Yeah, they never tell us anything interesting. Like, how many heads they chopped off in the French Revolution."

Gomez: "Children, why do you hate the baby?"
Pugsley: "We don't hate him. We just want to play with him."
Wednesday: "Especially his head."

It's getting dark in this little heart of mine.

"Where is that baby?"
"Which part?"

Dear mother and father,

I hate you.

Love, Wednesday

You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. Your people will wear cardigans, and drink highballs. We will sell our bracelets by the road sides. You will play golf and enjoy hot hors d'oeuvres. My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will have stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They have said, "Do not trust the Pilgrims. Especially Sarah Miller." And for all these reasons I have decided to scalp you and burn your village to the ground!