The best Quotes by Waldorf & Statler

The best Quotes by Waldorf & Statler

Statler and Waldorf are a pair of Muppet characters from the sketch comedy television series The Muppet Show, best known for their cantankerous opinions and shared penchant for heckling.

Statler: "Mit den Jahren gefällt mir die Show immer besser."
Waldorf: "Weil die Witze immer besser werden?"
Statler: "Nein, weil mein Gehör immer schlechter wird!"
Statler: "Do you think this show is educational?"
Waldorf: "Yes. It'll drive people to read books."
The Muppet Show - Season 1 Episode 2
Waldorf: "Statler isn't here tonight, Kermit. He's sick."
Kermit: "Oh, that's too bad. The flu?"
Waldorf: "No, the show. He's sick of it."
The Muppet Show - Season 4 Episode 13
Waldorf: "Just when you think the show is terrible, something wonderful happens."
Statler: "What?"
Waldorf: "It ends."
The Muppet Show - Season 4 Episode 3
Statler: "I know what is wrong, with this show, it's the theater."
Waldorf: "What's wrong with it?"
Statler: "The seats face the stage."
The Muppet Show - Season 2 Episode 1
Waldorf: "How should we know how to get to Sesame Street?"
Statler: "We don't even know how to get out of this stupid theater box!"
The Muppet Show - Season 5 Episode 18
Waldorf: "Well, this has been an evening to remember."
Statler: "Why?"
Waldorf: "I forgot."
The Muppet Show - Season 4 Episode 18
Waldorf: "Do you think there's life in outer space?"
Statler: "There's certainly none in this theater."
The Muppet Show - Season 4 Episode 17
Statler: "Are you ready for the end of the world?"
Waldorf: "Sure! It couldn't be any worse than this show."
The Muppet Show - Season 5 Episode 24
Statler: "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were reciting some sort of important plot point."
Waldorf: "I hope so. Otherwise I would've bored half the audience half to death."
Statler: "You mean half the audience is still alive?"
Statler: "Is this movie in 3D?"
Waldorf: "Nope! The Muppets are as one-dimensional as they've always been."
Waldorf: "Pay up, they made it through another one."
Statler: "Double or nothing on next week's show?"
Waldorf: "You're on."
The Muppet Show - Season 1 Episode 6
Statler: "I liked that last number."
Waldorf: "What did you like about it?"
Statler: "It was the LAST number."
The Muppet Show - Season 3 Episode 6
Statler: "He was doing okay until he fell off the stage."
Waldorf: "Wrong. He was doing okay until he came on the stage."
The Muppet Show - Season 2 Episode 15
Waldorf: "Yeah, whadya think?"
Statler: "Beats sitting home watching television."
The Muppet Show - Season 1 Episode 1
Milton Berle: "You're the two guys that I heard about that heckle from the box, huh? There they are ladies and gentlemen. Take a good look at them. Starski & Crutch. Now don't start with me boys, don't start."
Statler: "Hey, Berle."
Milton Berle: "What?"
Statler: "You know what? I've just figured out your style."
Milton Berle: "Really?"
Statler: "You work like Gregory Peck."
Milton Berle: "Gregory Peck's not a comedian."
Statler: "Well?"
Milton Berle: "Now just a minute, please. I have been a successful comedian half of my life."
Waldorf: "How come we got this half?"
Milton Berle: "Look, did you two come in here to be entertained or not?"
Statler: "That's right."
Milton Berle: "What's right?"
Statler: "We came in here to be entertained, and we're not!"
Milton Berle: "Oh, yeah? I'd like to see you come down here and be funny."
Waldorf: "You first!"
Milton Berle: "Don't pay any attention to him, folks. He's the ninth child of a family of eight! Let me tell the story."
Statler: "Hey, hey, Berle!"
Milton Berle: "Ohhh... Yeah, what is it? What is it?"
Statler: "You know what you're doing wrong?"
Milton Berle: "What'm I doing wrong?"
Statler: "You're standing too close to the audience."
Milton Berle: "Oh, yeah? How is this?"
Statler: "You're still too close."
Milton Berle: "Oh, sorry. Is this okay?"
Statler: "No, a little more."
Milton Berle: "How far back do you want me to go?"
Statler: "You got a car?"
Milton Berle: "Let me tell you something: If you don't stop, I'll have the usher throw you out!"
Waldorf: "He can't. He's too busy."
Milton Berle: "Doing what?"
Waldorf: "Keeping people in!"
Milton Berle: "And you're encouraging them! That's what you're doing! You know, I got a good mind to punch you in your nose."
Waldorf: "Please, not while I'm holding it."
Milton Berle: "That's very funny."
Waldorf: "Ah, you can use it."
Milton Berle: "I don't need your material, pal. I got a million funny lines in the back of my head."
Statler: "Yeah? How come they never reach your mouth?"
The Muppet Show - Season 2 Episode 3

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Sometimes me think, "What is a friend?" And then me say, "a friend is someone to share the last cookie with."
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Oh, I love trash!
Anything dirty or dingy or dusty
Anything ragged or rotten or rusty
Yes, I love trash!
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Count: "‘Count Sheep?’ Who's that?"
Where there is life, there is hope.
Bad days happen to everyone, but when one happens to you, just keep doing your best and never let a bad day make you feel bad about yourself.

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The Muppet ShowSesame StreetCookie MonsterErnie & BertKermit the FrogDoctor BobElmoOscar the GrouchThe CountGrover