Funny way to get to a wizards' school, the train. Magic carpets all got punctures, have they?Vernon Dursley in Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone
"Hurry up, boy!" shouted Uncle Vernon from the kitchen. "What are you doing, checking for letter-bombs?" He chuckled at his own joke.Vernon Dursley in Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone
"Fought 'em off, did you, son?" said Uncle Vernon loudly, with the appearance of a man struggling to bring the conversation back on to a plane he understood. "Gave 'em the old one-two, did you?"
"You can't give a Dementor the old one-two," said Harry through clenched teeth.
I will not pay to have some crackpot old fool teach him magic tricks!Vernon Dursley in Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone
Uncle Vernon: "Fine day, Sunday. In my opinion, best day of the week. Why is that, Dudley?"
Harry: "Because there's no post on Sundays?"
Uncle Vernon: "Right you are, Harry! No post on Sundays. No blasted letters today! No, sir! Not one single bloody letter!"
There's no such thing as magic!Vernon Dursley in Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone
Why we ever kept you in the first place, I don't know, Marge was right, it should have been the orphanage. We were too damn soft for our own good, thought we could squash it out of you, thought we could turn you normal, but you’ve been rotten from the beginning and I've had enough.Vernon Dursley in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix