Who's not gonna take the vaccine because they think it might be dangerous? Raise your hands! Now take that hand and slap yourself in the f*cking face!
Klepper: "What does that mean, 'Their DNA is wiped out'?"
Anti-Vax protester: "Like, their immunity is getting wiped out."
Klepper: "Okay, 'cause COVID wiped out 600.000 DNAs."
Anti-Vax protester: "Yes, of course!"
Anti-Vax protester: "Like, their immunity is getting wiped out."
Klepper: "Okay, 'cause COVID wiped out 600.000 DNAs."
Anti-Vax protester: "Yes, of course!"
Jordan Klepper in The Daily Show - Debates Anti-Vax Mandate Protesters in NYC
Day 619. Still waiting for the microchips they vaccinated into me to take my life or my free will.
März 2023
I don't want my views bolstering the anti-vaxxers and triggering the vaxxed people. I want to be somebody who has an opinion, who shares it, who does research, but who is also open to hearing both sides.
Aaron Rodgers - January 2022
I don't want to annoy our people. But I want to piss off everyone who isn't vaccinated. To the bitter end.
Emmanuel Macron - January 2022
The bizarre beliefs of hardcore anti-vaxxers means a significant number still insist on their right not to get the shot. Unfortunately, COVID still insists on his right to infect and kill them.
Snook Austin in Death to 2021
Krispy Kreme offered free donuts to the vaccinated, so by 2022, 98% of the US population will either have COVID-19 or type II diabetes.
Snook Austin in Death to 2021
We all want normality back, but we don't get normality back by ourselves - we only get it as a community and that's why we need to get more people vaccinated. Every vaccination is a small step towards normality for everyone.
Angela Merkel - July 2021
I was anti-vax for 7 years... then, I turned 8 and found out that the needle's not as bad as the stuff it protects me from.
Normally developing a vaccine takes up to 10 years. We developed a vaccine in just nine months. We've already begun a nationwide vaccination program, and we’re sending the vaccine all over the world. The world will benefit will benefit, and everybody’s calling to thank me.
Donald Trump - New Year Eve’s address 2020/21
1The first few months of the year will be difficult until at least the spring. Hope is there in this vaccine that human ingenuity has brought about in just one year.
Emmanuel Macron - New Year Eve’s address 2020/21
Today, we open a new chapter in fighting Covid-19.
Ursula von der Leyen - December 2020, about the authorization of the Biontech/Pfizer vaccine in the EU
So you have been eating burgers and Chicken McNuggets all your life, but don't want the vaccine, because "you don't know what's in it?"
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Now, more than any time in our history, we will be judged by our capacity for compassion. Our ability to come through this, won't just be down to what government or businesses do, but by the individual acts of kindness that we show each other.
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Maintaining confidence in international trade will be critical to the broader economic recovery in the post-Covid world.
Last year, Covid-19 kept us apart. This year, we are finally together again.
Joe Biden - March 2022, State of the Union Address
This pandemic is exhausting all of us. We're tired of it. But it doesn't help. We have to face it together and, in many cases, practice social distancing.
Olaf Scholz - December 2021
Most likely, by the end of this winter, everyone in Germany will be either vaccinated, recovered, or dead.
Jens Spahn - November 2021
There will not be another lockdown.
Olaf Scholz - August 2021, Kanzler-Triell #1
I recommend taking the vaccines. I happen to take the vaccine - if it doesn't work you'll be the first to know.
Donald Trump - August 2021
1If we can't reopen our society in the next few weeks when we will be helped by the arrival of summer and the school holidays, we must ask ourselves "when will we be able to reopen?"
Boris Johnson - July 2021
After I promised 200 million Covid-19 shots in the first 100 days, we will have provided over 220 million Covid shots in those hundred days. Thanks to the help of all of you.
Joe Biden - April 2021, Speech to Congress
We have to act now. Now. In all areas.
Lothar Wieler (as President of the Robert Koch Institute) - April 2021
And on Monday the 12th I will be going to the pub myself - and cautiously but irreversibly raising a pint of beer to my lips.
Boris Johnson - April 2021
We can't keep up this strict lockdown for all of winter. Our society couldn't stand that.
Jens Spahn - February 2021
Things happen. We can't explain them, we can't control them, but they do happen. Miracles do happen in medicine. They happen everyday, just not always when we need them to happen.
Meredith Grey in Grey's Anatomy - Season 3 Episode 17
11What would you prefer - a doctor who holds your hand while you die, or one who ignores you while you get better? I suppose it would particularly suck to have a doctor, who ignores you while you die.
Gregory House in Dr. House - Season 1 Episode 3
6Sometimes, the cure is a little taste of the disease. The difference between medicine and poison sometimes is only dosage.
Arthur Harrow in Moon Knight - Season 1 Episode 2
1I didn't become a doctor because I wanted to be god. I became a doctor because I wanted to save lives.
Sarkov: "That's doctor-patient privilege."
Juan: "I thought you were a scientist."
Sarkov: "It's all the same. We all wear white coats and have trouble with eye contact."
Juan: "I thought you were a scientist."
Sarkov: "It's all the same. We all wear white coats and have trouble with eye contact."
Alex Sarkov in The Imperfects - Season 1 Episode 1
You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.
Modern medicine is a negation of health. It isn't organized to serve human health, but only itself, as an institution. It makes more people sick than it heals.
Medical science has proven time and again that when the resources are provided, great progress in the treatment, cure, and prevention of disease can occur.
Crazy times we're living in. I used to cough to hide a fart, now I'm farting to hide a cough.
I tested negative to Covid yesterday and positive today. No symptoms what so ever. Covid had the courage to challenge me. Bad idea.
Zlatan Ibrahimović - September 2020
1I dare saying that in regard of protecting us from Corona, a mask that may be uncomfortable is way more effective than a tin foil hat.
Frank-Walter Steinmeier (as President of Germany) - May 2020
1I imagined the Apocalypse with zombies and pumpguns, not with washing hands and staying at home.
We need to think about how young people use social networks. When things get out of hand we may have to regulate them or cut them off.
Emmanuel Macron - July 2023, about the riots in France
To you, she was your Queen.
To us, she was The Queen.
She will be with all of us forever.
To us, she was The Queen.
She will be with all of us forever.
Emmanuel Macron - September 2022
What did I learn in 2021? I learned that nobody learned anything in 2020.
Penn Parker in Death to 2021
President Biden announces the full US withdrawal from Afghanistan by September 11th, freeing future history students from the tyranny of memorizing too many different dates.
The government was beholden to the NRA, and the NRA's power stemmed from one oft-debated sentence written at a time when guns were muskets and lightning was witchcraft, the Second Amendment.
Jordan Klepper - June 2017
I'm gonna talk about racism now. And this is a straight white man talking, so pay attention!
Spotify, the app with the entire history of recorded music that you only use to listen to four songs that you liked in high school.
Trevor Noah in The Daily Show - The Truth Behind Music Streaming
Jordan Love is going to be a great player. He's a f*cking great kid.
Aaron Rodgers - März 2023
I believe in Europe. I am convinced by Europe. Not only as a heritage from the past, but as hope and a vision for the future.
Angela Merkel (as Chancellor of Germany) - July 2020, Speech at the European Parliament
2While Walz pretends to support Americans in the Heartland, when the cameras are off, he believes that rural America is "mostly cows and rocks". Walz is obsessed with spreading California's dangerously liberal agenda far and wide.
Donald Trump - August 2024
2021 opens on a note of optimism. A range of lip smacking new vaccines promises to transform the COVID-pandemic from an ongoing crisis to a repressed traumatic memory.
We all know that Ukrainians are ready to die for the European perspective. We want them to live with us for the European dream.
Ursula von der Leyen - Juni 2022