Quotes and Jokes about all 50 US states

Texas

Dante: "[seeing a Confederate flag] What? Are you serious?"
Lila: "Newsflash, we're in deep Texas."

Texas Chainsaw Massacre - 2022

California

California has officially announced that jaywalking is now no longer a crime. So congratulations to the Californians who like walking places. This is great news for the six of you.

Trevor Noah in The Daily Show - October 2022

Joel Miller in The Last of Us - Season 1 Episode 4

Wisconsin

Show 9 Sayings

Marshall: "Except the flames of Lucifer keep singein our back bumper as we drive through this hellish, cheese-infected wasteland."
Lily: "Wisconsin?"
Marshall: "Wisconsin!"

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother - Season 9 Episode 3

Nevada

Show 4 Sayings

I love the American Southwest, for starters. You may call them Arizona, New Mexico, Nevada, Utah. I call them heaven.

Deangelo Vickers in The Office - Season 7 Episode 20

Massachusetts

Show 7 Sayings

You're gonna like Massachusetts. It's very patriotic - perfect for a fresh start.

Georgia Miller in Ginny & Georgia - Season 1 Episode 1

New Mexico

Show 4 Sayings

New Mexico. It's another state. I mean, it's like California, just less traffic.

Lalo Salamanca in Better Call Saul - Season 6 Episode 5

Connecticut

Show 4 Sayings

The 'mecca of college basketball is in Storrs, Connecticut.

Jim Nantz

New Jersey

Show 8 Sayings

This is why you never go to New Jersey!

Donatello-TMNT in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Minnesota

Show 12 Sayings

While it's not very Minnesotan to brag, I've got to brag on our state a little here: We were just ranked #1 in the country for health care.

Tim Walz - July 2024

Tennessee

Show 4 Sayings

What did Tennessee?
Same thing Arkansas.

Montana

Show 4 Sayings

Most places would call it a crippling snowstorm. In Montana, we call it Tuesday.

Washington (State)

Show 3 Sayings

Why can't you compare Washington State and Florida?
Because it'd be like comparing apples and oranges.

South Carolina

Show 3 Sayings

In the 1950s in Columbia, South Carolina, it was considered OK for kids to play with weird things. We could go to the hardware store and buy 100 feet of dynamite fuse.

Kary Mullis

Utah

Show 3 Sayings

You look like Freddy Krueger face-fucked a topographical map of Utah.

Weasel in Deadpool

Vermont

Show 3 Sayings

The rainy season in Vermont is not long, but it definitely gets gloomy.

Grace Potter

Alabama

Show 11 Sayings

The biggest difference from Hawaii and Alabama would probably be there's no beaches. But other than that, the people are very nice.

Tua Tagovailoa

Georgia

Show 10 Sayings

Coming from a small town it was tough to dream big. When I grew up in a small town in Georgia, my biggest dream was one day to be able to go to Atlanta.

Herschel Walker

Nebraska

Show 2 Sayings

I've lived out West some... I've always liked the High Plains areas - eastern Colorado, eastern Wyoming, western Nebraska.

Charles Frazier

Kansas

Show 3 Sayings

I like being in Kansas City. People are extremely nice, extremely passionate about the Chiefs.

Patrick Mahomes

North Dakota

Show 4 Sayings

Darcy Lewis: "No one would notice if you blew up a Dakota. Honestly, I can't tell them apart."
Carol Danvers: "South Dakota is on the bottom."

Captain Marvel in What If…? - Season 1 Episode 7

Kentucky

Show 5 Sayings

I grew up in Kentucky, but I did not grow up like that. I didn't have to shoot my dinner or anything.

Jennifer Lawrence

South Dakota

Show 2 Sayings

Darcy Lewis: "No one would notice if you blew up a Dakota. Honestly, I can't tell them apart."
Carol Danvers: "South Dakota is on the bottom."

Captain Marvel in What If…? - Season 1 Episode 7

Ohio

Show 13 Sayings

Biden has won so many times in Michigan now.
He's legally required to change his name to Ohio State.

North Carolina

Show 3 Sayings

I think that for me, as a UNC graduate, I value my education - I think everyone who's gone to that university values education.

Kenny Smith

Iowa

Show 2 Sayings

You have never seen such lofty clouds, such towering anvils, as in Iowa in July.

Bill Bryson

Oklahoma

Show 8 Sayings

When the Oakies left Oklahoma and moved to California, it raised the I.Q. of both states.

Will Rogers

Missouri

Show 3 Sayings

Ethel: "One day the entire family will be reunited in the Garden of Eden."
"Oh, like heaven?"
Ethel: "No, it's in Missouri."
"Oh. Eden's got a lot of methheads."

Shameless - Season 2 Episode 5

Mississippi

Show 3 Sayings

How long does it take to get from Louisiana to Alabama?
One Mississippi.

Louisiana

Show 6 Sayings

For too long, government bureaucracies have hindered the growth of businesses not only in Louisiana, but all across the United States.

Mike Johnson

Indiana

Show 5 Sayings

What does a man from Indiana say in bed?
Hoosier Daddy?!

Illinois

Show 2 Sayings

Why are there so many Latina's in Illinois?
Because that's where the Chica go.

Arkansas

Show 4 Sayings

What is a pirate's favorite state?
Arrrrkansas!

West Virginia

Show 2 Sayings

What's the difference between Virginia and West Virginia?
In Virginia, Moosehead is a beer. In West Virginia it's a misdemeanor.

Rhode Island

Show 3 Sayings

Welcome to Rhode Island! Enjoy it… because it ends in 40 feet.

Pennsylvania

Show 2 Sayings

In England, they drive on the left side of the road.
In Pennsylvania we drive on what's left of the road.

New Hampshire

Show 2 Sayings

Thanks New Hampshire...
You're the reason 49 other states have to buy signs saying "Buckle up, its the State Law".

Maryland

Show 2 Sayings

What do Marylanders call their ex-girlfriends?
Old Bay.

Delaware

Show 2 Sayings

Why do Delaware State grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
So they can park in handicap spaces.

Oregon

Show 2 Sayings

What does daylight-saving time mean in Portland?
An extra hour of rain.

Quotes and Jokes about all 50 US states

Texas

California

Hawaii

Alaska

Florida

Idaho

Arizona

Colorado

Wyoming

Wisconsin

Nevada

Massachusetts

New Mexico

Connecticut

New Jersey

Minnesota

Tennessee

Montana

Washington (State)

South Carolina

Utah

Vermont

Alabama

Georgia

Nebraska

Kansas

North Dakota

Kentucky

South Dakota

Ohio

North Carolina

Iowa

Oklahoma

Missouri

Mississippi

Louisiana

Indiana

Illinois

Arkansas

West Virginia

Rhode Island

Pennsylvania

New Hampshire

Maryland

Delaware

Oregon