Quotes and Jokes about all 50 US states

Dante: "[seeing a Confederate flag] What? Are you serious?"
Lila: "Newsflash, we're in deep Texas."

California has officially announced that jaywalking is now no longer a crime. So congratulations to the Californians who like walking places. This is great news for the six of you.

The biggest difference from Hawaii and Alabama would probably be there's no beaches. But other than that, the people are very nice.

To the lover of wilderness, Alaska is one of the most wonderful countries in the world.

My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.

Idaho cut their parks department by 80 percent. And Idaho is basically one giant park.

You know you're from Arizona when you feed your chickens ice cubes to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.

Every once in a while, it's important to adjust your altitude.

Then odds are he'll be near a settlement, probably close to another city out there. Ain't too many of 'em in Wyoming.

Marshall: "Except the flames of Lucifer keep singein our back bumper as we drive through this hellish, cheese-infected wasteland."
Lily: "Wisconsin?"
Marshall: "Wisconsin!"

I love the American Southwest, for starters. You may call them Arizona, New Mexico, Nevada, Utah. I call them heaven.

You're gonna like Massachusetts. It's very patriotic - perfect for a fresh start.

New Mexico. It's another state. I mean, it's like California, just less traffic.

The 'mecca of college basketball is in Storrs, Connecticut.

This is why you never go to New Jersey!

I was born in 1940 in Minnesota and grew up in the country... dirt roads, swamps, lakes, woods.

What did Tennessee?
Same thing Arkansas.

Most places would call it a crippling snowstorm. In Montana, we call it Tuesday.

Why can't you compare Washington State and Florida?
Because it'd be like comparing apples and oranges.

In the 1950s in Columbia, South Carolina, it was considered OK for kids to play with weird things. We could go to the hardware store and buy 100 feet of dynamite fuse.

You look like Freddy Krueger face-f*cked a topographical map of Utah.

The rainy season in Vermont is not long, but it definitely gets gloomy.

The biggest difference from Hawaii and Alabama would probably be there's no beaches. But other than that, the people are very nice.

Coming from a small town it was tough to dream big. When I grew up in a small town in Georgia, my biggest dream was one day to be able to go to Atlanta.

I've lived out West some... I've always liked the High Plains areas - eastern Colorado, eastern Wyoming, western Nebraska.

I like being in Kansas City. People are extremely nice, extremely passionate about the Chiefs.

Darcy Lewis: "No one would notice if you blew up a Dakota. Honestly, I can't tell them apart."
Carol Danvers: "South Dakota is on the bottom."

I grew up in Kentucky, but I did not grow up like that. I didn't have to shoot my dinner or anything.

Darcy Lewis: "No one would notice if you blew up a Dakota. Honestly, I can't tell them apart."
Carol Danvers: "South Dakota is on the bottom."

Biden has won so many times in Michigan now.
He's legally required to change his name to Ohio State.

I think that for me, as a UNC graduate, I value my education - I think everyone who's gone to that university values education.

You have never seen such lofty clouds, such towering anvils, as in Iowa in July.

When the Oakies left Oklahoma and moved to California, it raised the I.Q. of both states.

Ethel: "One day the entire family will be reunited in the Garden of Eden."
"Oh, like heaven?"
Ethel: "No, it's in Missouri."
"Oh. Eden's got a lot of methheads."

How long does it take to get from Louisiana to Alabama?
One Mississippi.

How long does it take to get from Louisiana to Alabama?
One Mississippi.

What does a man from Indiana say in bed?
Hoosier Daddy?!

Why are there so many Latina's in Illinois?
Because that's where the Chica go.

What is a pirate's favorite state?
Arrrrkansas!

What's the difference between Virginia and West Virginia?
In Virginia, Moosehead is a beer. In West Virginia it's a misdemeanor.

Welcome to Rhode Island! Enjoy it… because it ends in 40 feet.

In England, they drive on the left side of the road.
In Pennsylvania we drive on what's left of the road.

Thanks New Hampshire...
You're the reason 49 other states have to buy signs saying "Buckle up, its the State Law".

What do Marylanders call their ex-girlfriends?
Old Bay.

Why do Delaware State grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
So they can park in handicap spaces.

What does daylight-saving time mean in Portland?
An extra hour of rain.