Quote by Unknown (about Christmas)

Quote by Unknown (about Christmas)

Lord Blackadder: "Ah, Melchett! Greetings! I trust Christmas brings you its traditional mix of good food and violent stomach cramp."
Lord Melchett: "And compliments of the season to you, Blackadder. May the Yuletide log slip from your fire and burn your house down."

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Lord Melchett: "Ah, Blackadder, talking to yourself, I see."
Blackadder: "Yes, it's the only way I can be sure of intelligent conversation."

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

Mrs M, if we were the last three humans on earth, I would be trying to start a family with Baldrick.

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

They do say, Mrs M, that verbal insults hurt more than physical pain. They are, of course, wrong, as you will soon discover when I stick this toasting fork into your head.

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

Baldrick, I want you to take this and go out and buy a turkey so large, you'd think its mother had been rogered by an omnibus.

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

Baldrick, believe me, eternity in the company of Beelzebub and all his hellish instruments of death will be a picnic compared to five minutes with me - and THIS pencil.

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr Brain has long since departed, hasn't he, Percy?

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

Funny Insults Brain

There hasn't been a war run this badly since Olaf the hairy, King of all the Vikings, ordered 80,000 battle helmets with the horns on the inside.

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

Vikings & Northmen

He's madder than Mad Jack McMad, the winner of last year's Mr Madman competition.

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

Your brain is so minute Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn't be enough to cover a small water biscuit.

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

Pitt the Younger: "I intend to put my own brother up as a candidate against you."
Blackadder: "And which Pitt would this be? Pitt the Toddler? Pitt the Embryo? Pitt the Glint in the Milkman's Eye?"

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

Lord Flashheart: "Enter the man who has no underwear. Ask me why."
Others: "Why do you have no underwear, Lord Flash?"
Lord Flashheart: "Because the pants haven't been built yet that'll take the job on."

Lord Flashheart in Blackadder

Baldrick: "I have a plan, sir."
Blackadder: "Really, Baldrick? A cunning and subtle one?"
Baldrick: "Yes, sir."
Blackadder: "As cunning as a fox who's just been appointed Professor of Cunning at Oxford University?"

The suspect has his head placed upon a block, and an axe aimed at his neck. If the man is guilty, the axe will bounce off his neck. If the man is not guilty, the axe will simply slice his head off.

Baldrick: "I love my mum."
Blackadder: "And I love chops in sauce but I don't seek their advice."

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

Oh, Edmund. I do love it when you get cross. Sometimes I think about having you executed, just to see the expression on your face.

Queenie in Blackadder

Field Marshal Haig is about to make yet another gargantuan effort to move his drinks cabinet six inches closer to Berlin.

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

Samuel Johnson: "This book, sir, contains every word in our beloved language."
Blackadder: "Every single one, sir?"
Samuel Johnson: "Every single word, sir."
Blackadder: "Oh, well, in that case, sir, I hope you will not object if I also offer the Doctor my most enthusiastic contrafibularities."

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

Baldrick, you wouldn't recognise a subtle plan if it painted itself purple and danced naked on a harpsicord singing "subtle plans are here again".

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

Am I jumping the gun, Baldrick, or are the words 'I have a cunning plan' marching with ill-deserved confidence in the direction of this conversation?

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

Baldrick, your head is as empty as a eunach's underpants.

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

Mrs Miggins: "Don't mind them Mr B, they're just being intellectual."
Blackadder: "There's nothing intellectual about wandering around Italy in a big shirt trying to get laid."

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

Am I pleased to see you or did I just put a canoe in my pocket?!

Lord Flashheart in Blackadder

Prince George: "Someone said I had the wit and intellect of a donkey."
Blackadder: "Oh, an absurd suggestion sir. Unless it was a particularly stupid donkey."

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

Funny Insults Donkeys

Blackadder: "Criminal record?"
Baldrick: "Absolutely not."
Blackadder: "Oh, come on, Baldrick. You're going to be an MP for God's sake. I'll just put fraud and sexual deviance."

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

Percy, far from being a fit consort for a prince of the realm, you would bore the leggings off a village idiot.

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own satanic herd.

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

Mr. Pants: "You've really worked out your banter, haven't you?"
Blackadder: "No, this is a different thing. It's spontaneous and it's called wit."

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

Old woman: "The Wise Woman? There are two things you must know about the Wise Woman! First... she is a woman! And second...-"
Blackadder: "She is wise?"
Old woman: "Oh, you do know her then."
Blackadder: "No, just a quick stab in the dark - which is incidentally what you'll be getting if you don't start being more helpful."

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

For it is good to be children sometimes, and never better than at Christmas, when its mighty Founder was a child Himself.

Charles Dickens in A Christmas Carol

6

Children & Childhood Christmas

I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future.

Charles Dickens in A Christmas Carol

4

There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

Erma Bombeck

3

Children & Childhood Christmas

I think as you grow older your christmas list gets shorter, because the things you want can't be bought.

Earl Dibbles Jr.

3

Kate: "We have to hang the stockings and make the eggnog. It just won't be Christmas without it!"
Claire: "Oh, honey, there is more to Christmas than all that stuff."

Claire Pierce in The Christmas Chronicles

1

It's true, Christmas can feel like a lot of work, particularly for mothers. But when you look back on all the Christmases in your life, you'll find you've created family traditions and lasting memories. Those memories, good and bad, are really what helps to keep a family together over the long haul.

Caroline Kennedy

1

Memories Family Christmas

Spring is coming, but the air is chilled
It reminds me of the winter fires we would always build
Hiding from the cold is always warmer in your arms
Whenever you are kissing me, it is Christmas in my heart

Colbie Caillat - Every Day Is Christmas

1

January always brought me down
All the magic of December
Is like a circus leaving town
All I wanna do is to follow it around
Cause everybody wishes it was Christmas all year 'round

Colbie Caillat - Every Day Is Christmas

1

Christmas Winter January December

What I learned from Christmas this year: If I lived in a gingerbread house, it'd take an hour and twelve minutes for me to become homeless.

Christmas Gingerbread

Belsnickel: "The only thing you ever cared about was your stupid holiday."
Santa: "That stupid holiday makes billions of people feel love and happiness."

Santa Claus in The Christmas Chronicles

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.

(A Visit from St. Nicholas)

The best time of the year
When everyone comes home
With all this Christmas cheer
It's hard to be alone

Hero Girl in The Polar Express

The thing about Christmas is that it almost doesn't matter what mood you're in or what kind of a year you've had - it's a fresh start.

Kelly Clarkson

Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before
What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store
What if Christmas... perhaps... means a little bit more!

Theodor Seuss Geisel in How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

Some a-hole leaks it online and I'm like, you know, looking at the guy in the mirror brushing my teeth, "Dude, what have you done? This could be punishable by law!" But the internet forced the studio to say, "We're gonna make this movie", and 24 hours later, that movie had a green light.

Ryan Reynolds - September 2025

But I don't understand why the Jeffrey Epstein case would be of interest to anybody. It's pretty boring stuff, it's sordid but it's boring and I don't understand why it keeps going.

Donald Trump - July 2025

The Epstein Files

There are two kinds of big companies in the United States. There are those who've been hacked by the Chinese, and those who don't know they've been hacked by the Chinese.

James Comey

I believe that Americans should be deeply skeptical of government power. You cannot trust people in power. The founders knew that. That's why they divided power among three branches, to set interest against interest.

James Comey

I will do everything if confirmed as FBI director to make sure the American public knows the full weight of what happened.

Kash Patel - Januar 2025

The Epstein Files

Technology has forever changed the world we live in. We're online, in one way or another, all day long. Our phones and computers have become reflections of our personalities, our interests, and our identities. They hold much that is important to us.

James Comey

There are well over 250 victims, so we have to make sure that their identity is protected. Other than that, I think tomorrow you're gonna see some Epstein information being released by my office. What you're gonna see is a lot of flight-logs, a lot of names, a lot of information.

Pam Bondi - February 2025

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