Quote by Unknown (about Funny Quotes, Singles & Dating)

I do not like broccoli. And I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli.

George H. W. Bush

Behind every successful man is a proud wife and a surprised mother-in-law.

Hubert H. Humphrey

Weddings Funny Quotes Mothers in law Marriage

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.

Mary Wilson Little

Laziness Funny Quotes Fun

There are two sides to every question: my side and the wrong side.

Oscar Levant

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

Oscar Levant

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Mitch Hedberg

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

Jerry Seinfeld

My first words, as I was being born I looked up at my mother and said, "that's the last time I'm going up one of those!"

Stephen Fry

My mind is like an internet browser - I have 23 tabs open, 4 are frozen, and I don't know where the music is coming from.

I went to a costume party dressed as a chicken and hooked up with a girl dressed as an egg.

Long story short:
The chicken.

Funny Quotes Chicken & Roosters Eggs

There are only two things I can't stand in this world: People who are intolerant of other people's cultures... and the Dutch.

Nigel Powers in Austin Powers - Goldmember

Funny Quotes Netherlands

Smart women love smart men more than smart men love smart women.

Natalie Portman

Intelligence Men & Women Singles & Dating

It's like the riddle of the Sphinx; why are there so many great unmarried women - and no great unmarried men?

Carrie Bradshaw in Sex And The City - Season 1 Episode 1

In a town where everyone's dying to couple up, sometimes there's nothing better than being out of a relationship. You have time to do your laundry, freedom to play your favorite bad music really loudly... but the best part of being out of a relationship: Plenty of time to catch up with your friends.

Carrie Bradshaw in Sex And The City - Season 2 Episode 13

Tell a man: "I hate you" - you'II have the best sex of your Iife. But tell him: "I Iove you" - you'II probably never see him again.

Samantha Jones in Sex And The City - Season 2 Episode 10

Men Sex Singles & Dating

No one likes boys! Even girls who like boys can't stand boys!

Soman Chainani in The School for Good and Evil - A World Without Princes

Momma's dating life is like that desert - nothing in sight as far as the eye can see.

Georgia Miller in Ginny & Georgia - Season 1 Episode 1

Rich and single, I wonder what he looks like - you rarely get the trifecta.

Lynette Scavo in Desperate Housewives - Season 8 Episode 1

Brokers give investment advice. Architects - design advice. Single people give married friends tidbits from their sexual escapades.

Carrie Bradshaw in Sex And The City - Season 1 Episode 3

Sex Singles & Dating

Being single is about celebrating and appreciating your own space that you're in.

Kelly Rowland

Women are surprised when they find a guy who can make them come and straight dudes are surprised when they find a girl who can make them feel genuine feelings in their heart.

Taylor Tomlinson

Dating Apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I'd contact tech support.

Nerds Singles & Dating

There's lots of good fish in the sea... maybe... but the vast masses seem to be mackerel or herring, and if you're not mackerel or herring yourself, you are likely to find very few good fish in the sea.

D. H. Lawrence in Lady Chatterley's Lover

Jim: "Here's an easy one, okay: 'Attractive single white female, fun-loving, youthful mind seeks outgoing companion.' Attractive: ugly."
Oz: "Fun-loving: insane."
Kevin: "Unlisted age plus 'youthful mind' equals 'Old'."
Jim: "No, 'charming' is old. 'Older' is really old. 'Youthful mind' is dead."

Jim Levenstein in American Pie - 1

Being single's an attitude. The minute you are desperate for a relationship, never gonna find one.

Billy Burns in Uncoupled - Season 1 Episode 1

I don't know if you guys have tried to get a 20-something dude from a dating app to wear a condom lately. But it's sort of like trying to convince a 5-year-old to put a jacket on over his Halloween costume. "Noo! You're gonna ruin it! You can't even see it!"

Taylor Tomlinson

Halloween Singles & Dating

I was difficult. An emotionally challenging puzzle he wasn't up for solving. Which was fine. I wasn't in the mood to be solved.

Colleen Hoover in Verity

Come on, you urgently need a self-esteem boost. And someone to remove the cobwebs in your head and your lady parts.

Dark Desire - Season 1 Episode 1

Stay single as long as you can - you'll be married the rest of your life.

Jimmy Garoppolo

We don't have power over when guys treat us like shit. But what we can control is how much we let it affect us. So, I say the four of us go out, get tanked, and, who knows, maybe we'll end up meeting a guy who doesn't treat us like garbage. Or not. It doesn't matter. At least we'll be having fun.

Bela Malhotra in The Sex Lives of College Girls - Season 1 Episode 1

Come on, they're not all that impressed with conversation
True gentlemen avoid it when they can
But they dote and swoon and fawn
On a lady who's withdrawn
It's she who holds her tongue who get's a man

Ursula in The Little Mermaid

Some a-hole leaks it online and I'm like, you know, looking at the guy in the mirror brushing my teeth, "Dude, what have you done? This could be punishable by law!" But the internet forced the studio to say, "We're gonna make this movie", and 24 hours later, that movie had a green light.

Ryan Reynolds - September 2025

Deadpool

But I don't understand why the Jeffrey Epstein case would be of interest to anybody. It's pretty boring stuff, it's sordid but it's boring and I don't understand why it keeps going.

Donald Trump - July 2025

There are two kinds of big companies in the United States. There are those who've been hacked by the Chinese, and those who don't know they've been hacked by the Chinese.

I believe that Americans should be deeply skeptical of government power. You cannot trust people in power. The founders knew that. That's why they divided power among three branches, to set interest against interest.

China Hackers

I will do everything if confirmed as FBI director to make sure the American public knows the full weight of what happened.

Kash Patel - Januar 2025

Technology has forever changed the world we live in. We're online, in one way or another, all day long. Our phones and computers have become reflections of our personalities, our interests, and our identities. They hold much that is important to us.

There are well over 250 victims, so we have to make sure that their identity is protected. Other than that, I think tomorrow you're gonna see some Epstein information being released by my office. What you're gonna see is a lot of flight-logs, a lot of names, a lot of information.

Smartphones

Pam Bondi - February 2025

The people of the FBI are sworn to protect both security and liberty. It isn't a question of conflict. We must care deeply about protecting liberty through due process of law, while also safeguarding the citizens we serve - in every investigation.

It's sitting on my desk right now to review. The Trump administration is committed to truth and transparency.

FBI

Pam Bondi - February 2025