Quotes by unknown authors (Page 3)

What is the definition of safe sex down in Virginia?
Placing signs on the animals that kick.

What's the difference between Virginia and West Virginia?
In Virginia, Moosehead is a beer. In West Virginia it's a misdemeanor.

Welcome to Rhode Island! Enjoy it… because it ends in 40 feet.

Rhode Island is the state where size doesn't matter.

In England, they drive on the left side of the road.
In Pennsylvania we drive on what's left of the road.

Thanks New Hampshire...
You're the reason 49 other states have to buy signs saying "Buckle up, its the State Law".

Maine - you can spit on Canada from here!

What do Marylanders call their ex-girlfriends?
Old Bay.

Why do Delaware State grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
So they can park in handicap spaces.

You Know You're in Maine:

If you own more than four pair of gloves.
If every other vehicle is a 4X4.
If in March your vehicle is 43% mud.
If you leave your keys in your car and the next morning your car is still there.
If your central heating system is fueled by large logs.
If people drive 100 miles to shop in a real mall.
If more than 1/2 the meat in your freezer is moose.
If the bumper jack in your pickup will lift a house.
If dressing up means wearing a tie with your flannel shirt.
If you don't use your blinker because everyone already knows where you're going.

Asked my daughter to get me a phone book...
She's like, "Yo Gen X, how about keeping up? Just use my iPhone!"
I shrugged, took her iPhone and totally wrecked it when I crushed the spider on the wall.

Gen X is a weird existence in this current environment. I mean, our parents let us come home to empty houses and expected us to entertain ourselves. We did.

"But Dad, I don't want to go to the party."
"You're going to the party, son. The Beastie Boys fought for that right."

Boomer: "Millennials are a bunch of snowflakes."
Millennial: "Ok, Boomer."
Gen X: "[rips bong] Has anyone seen my Pearl Jam CD?"

The 1990s can be defined by buying a CD on the strenght of the one good song you heard on the radio.

I love the fact that adults are buying plushies, Lego build sets, Hello Kitty crafts, painting their room all kinds of colors and putting fairy lights everywhere. I love seeing all of us put our money in stuff we wanted as kids and seeing it come to fruition.

One day, Generation X will be the old people. We'll let the kids do whatever they want: clean up the environment, switch to the metric system, legalize pot, and make their own kombucha - and never once ask them to fix our computers. Just have fun and don't get hurt!

I love being Gen X, watching Boomers and Millennials go at it.

According to what I see in the mirror, I'm pregnant. Guess Nutella's the father.

Lifehack: When you buy a second glass of Nutella in the grocery store, you don't have to go there again in the afternoon.

I'm going to tell my Gen Z friend a joke about Social Security. But he probably won't get it.

A friendly guide about wether I'll be watching your Instagram stories:
______ ______ ______ (maybe)
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ (hell no!)

Gen Z's most stressful activity is searching for the right meme/GIF to send in their group chat before somebody else says something and the subject changes.

What does a Gen Z say, when asked to write a letter?
"Sorry, max I can do is 240 letters."

2000 was 20 years ago... which is really weird because 1980 was also 20 years ago.

I never feel more Boomer than I do when I'm trying to find what category a specific emoji belongs to.

I'll never accept a Baby Boomer saying mean things about my tattoos.
"Why did you ruin your body with those?"
"I don't know, Nancy, why did you ruin Earth?"

Boomer: "Why aren't these Millennials getting married? I married my sweetheart as soon as we left high school."
Also boomer: "I hate my wife."

If I had a dollar for every time a boomer insulted me...
I could afford a house in the economy they ruined.

Why do Baby Boomers always pay with a Visa?
Because they hate change.

How do boomers change a lightbulb?
They don't, they just keep talking about how great the old one was.

What's a boomer's favorite Pirates of the Caribbean quote?
"Take what you can, give nothing back."

Just remember, for every Boomer that hates a Millennial, there's a Generation (X) in between that hates you both.

Looking forward to ruining Thanksgiving this year by saying "Okay, Boomer" after the family prayer.

Why don't cannibals like to eat Millennials?
They're too salty.

70,000 white women with dreadlocks are currently trapped in a dry lake bed due to flooding.

When you go running from 23:59 to 00:01, you worked out two days in a row. Doesn't sound bad, does it?

"Why do you smell the water bottle before drinking?"
Me (23), just came back from a festival, having major trust issues.

Three things I'll never understand:
1 - Getting up early with a good mood
2 - People who don't drink coffee
3 - Snapchat

Starfield is our first new universe in over 25 years but it's still a Bethesda RPG through and through, where you step into a new world and you get that feeling of unlimited possibilities.

"So, what's your job?"
"I'm a blogger and model on Instagram. How about you?"
"I'm a soldier in Call of Duty."
"That's not a job?!"
"Well, who started it?"

Before we go all-in on Artificial Intelligence, maybe we should concentrate on human intelligence first.

With the first pick in the 2002 NBA draft, the Houston Rockets select Yao Ming from Shanghai, China.

Don't burrito your head in the sand.

If you don't like tacos, I'm definitely nacho type!

Fiesta all day, siesta all night!

In queso you didn't know, I love Cinco de Mayo!

Cinco de Mayo is boring... said no Juan ever.

When life gives you avocados, make guacamole!

Life's short. Eat more tacos!