The 10+ coolest Uncle and Auntie Jokes

If nagging were an Olympic sport, my Aunt Voula would win a gold medal!

Toula Portokalos in My Big Fat Greek Wedding

Fielding: "I'm sorry. Did I wake you?"
John: "I think you woke your Aunt Jenny. She's been dead for nine years."

John Marshall in Dog Gone

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

Rodney Dangerfield

I can't go in there 'cause Uncle Frank's taking a shower. He says if I walked in there and saw him naked, I'd grow up never feeling like a real man.

Kevin McCallister in Home Alone - 2: Lost in New York

Penisses Shower

They've got great parents; I'm just trying to be the fun uncle.

Sarah Silverman

I always joke with people that having nephews is the best birth control there is.

Tahj Mowry

Our children await Christmas presents like politicians getting in election returns: there's the Uncle Fred precinct and the Aunt Ruth district still to come in.

Marcelene Cox

Christmas Gifts & Presents

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You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you.

William Paul Young in The Shack

Friendship Family

The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof.

Richard Bach

Family

Family. Where life begins and love never ends...

Family

Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind, or forgotten.

Lilo Pelekai in Lilo and Stitch

Family

I don't have friends, I have family.

Dominic Toretto in Fast and Furious

Friendship Family

No one hurts my family and lives. No one.

Elijah Mikaelson in The Originals

Family

There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Children & Childhood Family Parents

You go through life wondering what is it all about but at the end of the day it's all about family.

Rod Stewart

Meaning Family

Sister is probably the most competitive relationship within the family, but once the sisters are grown, it becomes the strongest relationship.

Margaret Mead

Family Sisters

The most important thing in the world is family and love.

John Wooden

Love Family

Tony Stark: "You got a family?"
Yinsen: "Yes, and I will see them when I leave here. And you, Stark?"
Tony Stark: "No."
Yinsen: "So you're a man who has everything... and nothing."

Yinsen in Iron Man

Family

I believe that the greatest gift you can give your family and the world is a healthy you.

Joyce Meyer

Family

We never know the love of a parent till we become parents ourselves.

Henry Ward Beecher

Family Parents Mother Birth

Maybe that's all family really is: a group of people that miss the same imaginary place.

Andrew Largeman in Garden State

Family

Don't worry about the pressure or the responsibility. Just live in it, have fun, and when everything seems to be going right, just stay humble and remember your family.

Roman Reigns

Life Family

It's true, Christmas can feel like a lot of work, particularly for mothers. But when you look back on all the Christmases in your life, you'll find you've created family traditions and lasting memories. Those memories, good and bad, are really what helps to keep a family together over the long haul.

Caroline Kennedy

Memories Family Christmas

You don't turn your back on family, even when they do.

Dominic Toretto in Fast and Furious - 6

Family

Love begins by taking care of the closest ones - the ones at home.

Mother Teresa

Love Family

I'm just glad I was able to return to some of that innocence and beauty I had as a child when I started my own family, and my children brought me back some of that spirit.

Angelina Jolie

Family Mother Birth

Most people have a rope that ties them to someone, and that rope can be short or it can be long. (Be long. Belong. Get it?) You don't know how long, though. It's not your choice.

Nick Hornby in A Long Way Down

Puns Relationships Family

A lot has happened since my big fat Greek wedding. My father passed away, and his last wish was for us to visit his childhood village and reconnect with our roots. So we're having a reunion.

Toula Portokalos in My Big Fat Greek Wedding - 3

Toula: "Why? Why do you love me?"
Ian: "Because I came alive when I met you."

My Big Fat Greek Wedding

Love declerations

Fielding: "It's gonna break his spirit."
John: "It goes on his neck, not his spirit."

John Marshall in Dog Gone

Nate: "How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard?"
Fielding: "Oh, Gandhi."
Nate: "Winnie the Pooh."

Nate in Dog Gone

Winnie the Pooh

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

Rodney Dangerfield

Marriage

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.

Rodney Dangerfield

You can be too old for a lot of things, but you're never too old to be afraid.

Old Man Marley in Home Alone

How can you give Kris Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? What's next, rabies shots for the Easter Bunny?

Home Alone

Dude, I don't want to talk about Lacey's prom shoes. And I'll tell you why: I have this thing that makes me really uninterested in prom shoes. It's called a penis.

John Green in Paper Towns

Shoes Penisses

Carrie: "Something Iike 85% aren't circumcised."
Charlotte: "Great, now they're taking over the world!"
Carrie: "It's a penis, not Godzilla."

Carrie Bradshaw in Sex And The City - Season 2 Episode 9

Penisses

Gabrilla Montez: "Well, you sound like you've done a lot of singing, too."
Troy Bolton: "Yeah, my showerhead is very impressed with me."

Troy Bolton in High School Musical

Singing Shower

After my shower yesterday, I felt really sexy. Even my towel got wet.

Eroticism Shower Erotic Quotes

I mean, I love being with friends and I love kissing and loving someone to pieces. But it's hard to find someone who doesn't ultimately start judging you and your choices.

Sarah Silverman

I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing.

Sarah Silverman

Matt Damon Ben Affleck

Children in a family are like flowers in a bouquet: there's always one determined to face in an opposite direction from the way the arranger desires.

Marcelene Cox

Children & Childhood

Life begins when a person first realizes how soon it will end.

Marcelene Cox

For it is good to be children sometimes, and never better than at Christmas, when its mighty Founder was a child Himself.

Charles Dickens in A Christmas Carol

Children & Childhood Christmas

I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future.

Charles Dickens in A Christmas Carol

Christmas

Jay: "I got you a little gift to celebrate. I know it’s not much...-"
Gloria: "It’s practically nothing!"

Gloria Pritchett in Modern Family - Season 6 Episode 22

Gifts & Presents

Ted it's fine, I'm a child of divorce. You guys keep fighting all you want - as long as the expensive gifts keep coming.

Lily Aldrin in How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 22

Gifts & Presents Divorce

The 10+ coolest Uncle and Auntie Jokes

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