The 10+ coolest Uncle and Auntie Jokes

If nagging were an Olympic sport, my Aunt Voula would win a gold medal!

Fielding: "I'm sorry. Did I wake you?"
John: "I think you woke your Aunt Jenny. She's been dead for nine years."

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

I can't go in there 'cause Uncle Frank's taking a shower. He says if I walked in there and saw him naked, I'd grow up never feeling like a real man.

They've got great parents; I'm just trying to be the fun uncle.

I always joke with people that having nephews is the best birth control there is.

Our children await Christmas presents like politicians getting in election returns: there's the Uncle Fred precinct and the Aunt Ruth district still to come in.

You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you.

The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof.

Family. Where life begins and love never ends...

Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind, or forgotten.

I don't have friends, I have family.

No one hurts my family and lives. No one.

There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings.

You go through life wondering what is it all about but at the end of the day it's all about family.

Sister is probably the most competitive relationship within the family, but once the sisters are grown, it becomes the strongest relationship.

The most important thing in the world is family and love.

Tony Stark: "You got a family?"
Yinsen: "Yes, and I will see them when I leave here. And you, Stark?"
Tony Stark: "No."
Yinsen: "So you're a man who has everything... and nothing."

I believe that the greatest gift you can give your family and the world is a healthy you.

We never know the love of a parent till we become parents ourselves.

Maybe that's all family really is: a group of people that miss the same imaginary place.

Don't worry about the pressure or the responsibility. Just live in it, have fun, and when everything seems to be going right, just stay humble and remember your family.

It's true, Christmas can feel like a lot of work, particularly for mothers. But when you look back on all the Christmases in your life, you'll find you've created family traditions and lasting memories. Those memories, good and bad, are really what helps to keep a family together over the long haul.

You don't turn your back on family, even when they do.

Love begins by taking care of the closest ones - the ones at home.

I'm just glad I was able to return to some of that innocence and beauty I had as a child when I started my own family, and my children brought me back some of that spirit.

Most people have a rope that ties them to someone, and that rope can be short or it can be long. (Be long. Belong. Get it?) You don't know how long, though. It's not your choice.

A lot has happened since my big fat Greek wedding. My father passed away, and his last wish was for us to visit his childhood village and reconnect with our roots. So we're having a reunion.

Toula: "Why? Why do you love me?"
Ian: "Because I came alive when I met you."

Fielding: "It's gonna break his spirit."
John: "It goes on his neck, not his spirit."

Nate: "How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard?"
Fielding: "Oh, Gandhi."
Nate: "Winnie the Pooh."

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.

You can be too old for a lot of things, but you're never too old to be afraid.

How can you give Kris Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? What's next, rabies shots for the Easter Bunny?

Dude, I don't want to talk about Lacey's prom shoes. And I'll tell you why: I have this thing that makes me really uninterested in prom shoes. It's called a penis.

Carrie: "Something Iike 85% aren't circumcised."
Charlotte: "Great, now they're taking over the world!"
Carrie: "It's a penis, not Godzilla."

Gabrilla Montez: "Well, you sound like you've done a lot of singing, too."
Troy Bolton: "Yeah, my showerhead is very impressed with me."

After my shower yesterday, I felt really sexy. Even my towel got wet.

I mean, I love being with friends and I love kissing and loving someone to pieces. But it's hard to find someone who doesn't ultimately start judging you and your choices.

I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing.

Children in a family are like flowers in a bouquet: there's always one determined to face in an opposite direction from the way the arranger desires.

Life begins when a person first realizes how soon it will end.

For it is good to be children sometimes, and never better than at Christmas, when its mighty Founder was a child Himself.

I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future.

Jay: "I got you a little gift to celebrate. I know it’s not much...-"
Gloria: "It’s practically nothing!"

Ted it's fine, I'm a child of divorce. You guys keep fighting all you want - as long as the expensive gifts keep coming.