Quotes by Tyrion Lannister

Who needs wealth when you can make a woman laugh?

Grand Maester Pycelle made the same joke. You must be proud to be as funny as a man whose balls brush his knees.

The powerful have always preyed on the powerless, that's how they became powerful in the first place.

Joffrey: 'If I tell the Hound to cut you in half, he'll do it without a second thought.'
Tyrion: 'That would make me the quarter-man. Just doesn't have the same ring to it.'

Tyrion: 'A wise man once said a true history of the world is a history of great conversations in elegant rooms.'
Missandei: 'Who said this?'
Tyrion: 'Me, just now.'

Bronn: 'I'm sorry it has to be this way.'
Tyrion: 'Why are you sorry? Because you're an evil bastard with no conscience and no heart? That's what I liked about you in the first place.'

Drinking and lust, no man can match me in these things.

'How would you like to die, Tyrion, son of Tywin?'
Tyrion: 'In my own bed, at the age of 80, with a belly full of wine and a girl's mouth around my cock.'

Never forget who you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor and it can never be used against you.

Tyrion: 'It was a gift, Podrick. This is more than I give you in a year!'
Bronn: 'He's a squire. You don't pay him.'
Tyrion: 'Oh, then it's much more than I give you in a year.'

Tyrion: 'Any advice for me on my new position?'
Petyr: 'Keep a low profile.'
Tyrion: 'If I had a gold dragon for every time I heard that joke, I'd be richer than you are.'
Petyr: 'Well, you are richer than I am.'
Tyrion: 'Good point.'

Cersei: 'You're a clever man, but you're not half as clever as you think you are.'
Tyrion: 'Still makes me more clever than you.'

Death is so final, whereas life is full of possibilities.

That's what I do. I drink and I know things.

You just sent the most powerful man in Westeros to bed without his supper.

I don't pay you to put evil notions in my head. The ones already there don't need company.

A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone.