A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone.
Books, Mind & Apprehension, IntelligenceTyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones, Season 1 Episode 2You just sent the most powerful man in Westeros to bed without his supper.
BedTyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones, Season 3 Episode 10I don't pay you to put evil notions in my head. The ones already there don't need company.
HeadTyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones, Season 3 Episode 7Everything's better with some wine in the belly.
Alcohol, WineTyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones, Season 1 Episode 2Tyrion: "It was a gift, Podrick. This is more than I give you in a year!"
Bronn: "He's a squire. You don't pay him."
Tyrion: "Oh, then it's much more than I give you in a year."
Never forget who you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor and it can never be used against you.
Self-ConfidenceTyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones, Season 1 Episode 1That's what I do. I drink and I know things.
Knowledge, AlcoholTyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones, Season 6 Episode 2Who needs wealth when you can make a woman laugh?
Laughing & Smile, Money, WomenTyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones, Season 5 Episode 3We make peace with our enemies, not our friends.
Peace, Enemies & OpponentsTyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones, Season 6 Episode 4The powerful have always preyed on the powerless, that's how they became powerful in the first place.
PowerTyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones, Season 5 Episode 1Tyrion: "A wise man once said a true history of the world is a history of great conversations in elegant rooms."
Missandei: "Who said this?"
Tyrion: "Me, just now."
Tyrion: "Any advice for me on my new position?"
Petyr: "Keep a low profile."
Tyrion: "If I had a gold dragon for every time I heard that joke, I'd be richer than you are."
Petyr: "Well, you are richer than I am."
Tyrion: "Good point."
Cersei: "You're a clever man, but you're not half as clever as you think you are."
Tyrion: "Still makes me more clever than you."
I'm not questioning your honor, Lord Janos, I'm denying its existence.
Tyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones, Season 2 Episode 2I did not do it. I did not kill Joffrey but I wish that I had. Watching your vicious bastard die gave me more relief than a thousand lying wh-res!
Tyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones, Season 4 Episode 6It's easy to confuse what is with what ought to be, especially when what is has worked out in your favor.
CapitalismTyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones, Season 5 Episode 9Never forget what you are, the rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor and it can never be used against you.
Self-ConfidenceTyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones, Season 1 Episode 1We've had vicious kings and we had idiot kings. I don't know if we've ever been cursed with a vicious idiot.
Tyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones, Season 2 Episode 6Petyr: "I hear you owe that boy a significant debt."
Tyrion: "Only my life. Not all that significant, I'm afraid."
Tens of thousands of innocent lives for one not particularly innocent dwarf. Seems like a fair trade.
Tyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones, Season 8 Episode 5Varys: "He's a man, which makes him more appealing to the lords of Westeros, whose support we are going to need."
Tyrion: "Joffrey was a man. I don't think a c-ck is a true qualification, as I'm sure you'd agree."
Tyrion: "Maybe we should have stayed married."
Sansa: "You were the best of them."
Tyrion: "Terrifying thought."
Should I explain to you the meaning of a closed door in a wh-re house, brother?
Tyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones, Season 1 Episode 1Tyrion: "You should consider yourself lucky. At least your balls won't freeze off."
Varys: "You take great offense at dwarf jokes, but love telling eunuch jokes. Why is that?"
Tyrion: "Because I have balls, and you don't."
Grand Maester Pycelle made the same joke. You must be proud to be as funny as a man whose balls brush his knees.
Tyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones, Season 3 Episode 1Joffrey: "If I tell the Hound to cut you in half, he'll do it without a second thought."
Tyrion: "That would make me the quarter-man. Just doesn't have the same ring to it."
It's not easy being drunk all the time. Everyone would do it if it were easy.
AlcoholTyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones, Season 3 Episode 10Bronn: "I'm sorry it has to be this way."
Tyrion: "Why are you sorry? Because you're an evil bastard with no conscience and no heart? That's what I liked about you in the first place."
Drinking and lust, no man can match me in these things.
Tyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones, Season 3 Episode 8Shagga: "How would you like to die, Tyrion, son of Tywin?"
Tyrion: "In my own bed, at the age of 80, with a belly full of wine and a girl's mouth around my c-ck."
Death is so final, whereas life is full of possibilities.
Life, DeathTyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones, Season 1 Episode 2Tyrion: "Don't trust anyone in King's Landing. They're all liars. Good liars, bad liars, one or two great liars."
Shae: "What about you?"
Tyrion: "Me, I'm not from here. I'm a slave to the truth."
Marillion: "I can sing your father's victory in King's Landing."
Tyrion: "Nothing would more likely ruin my supper."
It's hard to put a leash on a dog once you put a crown on its head.
Tyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones, Season 2 Episode 7Try the boar! Cersei can't get enough of it since one killed Robert for her.
Tyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones, Season 4 Episode 2Oberyn: "I did spend some time with some absolutely stunning blonde the other day."
Tyrion: "Do tell! I've got every kind of filth down here except the kind I like."
A toast. To the proud Lannister children... the dwarf, the cripple and the mother of madness.
Tyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones, Season 4 Episode 2Oberyn: "The biggest disappointment - you."
Tyrion: "You and my family have more in common than you might admit."
I have a tender spot in my heart for cripples, bastards and broken things.
Tyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones, Season 1 Episode 4Sandor Clegane: "Rough night, imp?"
Tyrion: "If I get through this without squirting from one end or the other, it'll be a miracle."
Bran: "I'm not a cripple."
Tyrion: "Then I'm not a dwarf, my father will be joyous to hear it."
Next time I have an idea like that, punch me in the face!
Tyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones, Season 6 Episode 2General rule of thumb: Stark men don't fare well when they travel south.
Tyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones, Season 7 Episode 3Sometimes we think we want to hear something, and it's only afterwards when it's too late we realize we wished we'd heard it under entirely different circumstances.
Hearing & ListeningTyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones, Season 3 Episode 6I will not give my life for Joffery's murder and I know I'll get no justice here, so I will let the gods decide my fate. I demand a trial by combat.
Tyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones, Season 4 Episode 6