Who needs wealth when you can make a woman laugh?
Laughing & Smile, Money, Women0Grand Maester Pycelle made the same joke. You must be proud to be as funny as a man whose balls brush his knees.
0The powerful have always preyed on the powerless, that's how they became powerful in the first place.
Power0Joffrey: 'If I tell the Hound to cut you in half, he'll do it without a second thought.'
Tyrion: 'That would make me the quarter-man. Just doesn't have the same ring to it.'
Tyrion: 'A wise man once said a true history of the world is a history of great conversations in elegant rooms.'
Missandei: 'Who said this?'
Tyrion: 'Me, just now.'
Bronn: 'I'm sorry it has to be this way.'
Tyrion: 'Why are you sorry? Because you're an evil bastard with no conscience and no heart? That's what I liked about you in the first place.'
Drinking and lust, no man can match me in these things.
0'How would you like to die, Tyrion, son of Tywin?'
Tyrion: 'In my own bed, at the age of 80, with a belly full of wine and a girl's mouth around my cock.'
Never forget who you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor and it can never be used against you.
Self-Confidence0Tyrion: 'It was a gift, Podrick. This is more than I give you in a year!'
Bronn: 'He's a squire. You don't pay him.'
Tyrion: 'Oh, then it's much more than I give you in a year.'
Tyrion: 'Any advice for me on my new position?'
Petyr: 'Keep a low profile.'
Tyrion: 'If I had a gold dragon for every time I heard that joke, I'd be richer than you are.'
Petyr: 'Well, you are richer than I am.'
Tyrion: 'Good point.'
Cersei: 'You're a clever man, but you're not half as clever as you think you are.'
Tyrion: 'Still makes me more clever than you.'
Death is so final, whereas life is full of possibilities.
Life, Death0That's what I do. I drink and I know things.
Knowledge, Alcohol0You just sent the most powerful man in Westeros to bed without his supper.
0I don't pay you to put evil notions in my head. The ones already there don't need company.
0A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone.
Books, Apprehension, Intelligence0