The best Series Quotes (Page 47)

Here you can find all TV series quotes that our community has collected from hundreds of TV series and shows. You want to collect your best and funniest quotes from TV series, sitcoms or soaps? Then join thyQuotes and add them to this page!

List of all series and characters

The best Series Quotes

You know what the problem is? The women, the drinking... you guys look at me and you think it's easy.

- Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men, Season 6 Episode 3

Ah, cars. Where would we be without cars? And how would we get there?

- Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men, Season 4 Episode 22

Breast-feeding... hot!
When those things swell up to three times their normal size, so do I.

- Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 6 Episode 11

You lie to your husband all the time...
'That shirt looks great on you.',
'I love your mom.',
'I never fantasize about Barney when we're doing it.'
Sound familiar, Pinocchio?

- Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 6 Episode 11

Lily: 'Anytime a single guy hangs out with a married woman there are rules that must be followed: Rule number one...'
Barney: 'Don't use the husband's condoms, that's just rude!'

- Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 6 Episode 11Singles & Dating

Lily: 'I'm pregnant.'
Barney: 'I've never seen that woman before in my life! Sorry - force of habit, congratulations!'

- Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 6 Episode 12

I am Mr. Charity. I frequently sleep with sixes, chubsters, over thirty's. I am the Bill and Melinda Gates of the sympathy bang.

- Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 6 Episode 12

Kids, you may think your only choices are to swallow your anger or throw it in someone's face, but there's a third option: You can just let it go, and only when you do that is it really gone and you can move forward.

- Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, Season 4 Episode 6Breakup & Lovesick, Comforting

Oh my god, you have a monocle! Is this real? Is this really happening? Good luck killing James Bond!

- Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, Season 6 Episode 8

Marshall: 'You're really telling me, that when you watch 'The Karate Kid', you don't root for Daniel-san?'
Barney: 'Nope.'
Ted: 'Who do you root for in 'Die Hard'?'
Barney: 'Hans Gruber. Charming international bandit. At the end, he died hard. He's the title character.'
Lily: 'Okay, 'The Breakfast Club'?'
Barney: 'The teacher running detention. He's the only guy in the whole movie wearing a suit.'
Robin: 'I got one. 'Terminator'.'
Barney: 'What's the name of the movie, Robin? Who among us didn't shed a tear when his little red eye went out at the end, and he didn't get to kill these people?'

- Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 4 Episode 15

Never buy a girl flowers, 'cause giving her a living thing reminds her of babies.

- Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother

God. It's me, Barney. What up? I know we don't talk much, but I know a lot of girls call out your name because of me. Awesome!

- Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 4 Episode 7

Barney: 'Check it out, I made a little game.'
Lottery Girl: 'And tonight's lotto numbers are: 19...'
Barney: '...age you moved to New York after a photographer 'discovered' you at a food court and said he would get you into Vogue Magazine.'
Lotto Girl: '53...'
Barney: '...number of semi-nude pictures he took of you before you realized he had no connection to Vogue Magazine.'
Lotto Girl: '22...'
Barney: '...age you claim you are.'
Lotto Girl: '31...'
Barney: '...age you actually are.'
Lotto Girl: '45...'
Barney: '...number of minutes it would take me to get you into a cab, out of your dress and into my Jacuzzi.'
Lotto Girl: 'And tonight's Super Big Ball is...'
Barney: '...what happens after we get out of the Jacuzzi. What Up?!'

- Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 4 Episode 14

Barney, check it! Three blond babies drinking bad-decision-juice at eight o'clock.

- Lily Aldrin in How I Met Your Mother, Season 4 Episode 15

Ted: 'Where does this girl live?'
Robin: 'We're talking about a woman who's gotten Barney to commit. I'm guessing Narnia.'

- Robin Scherbatsky in How I Met Your Mother, Season 4 Episode 15

I love this moment so much, I want to have sex with it.

- Perry Cox in Scrubs, Season 4 Episode 11

He has got to go. You need to be like:
You are the weakest link goodbye!
Punchy, the tribe has spoken.
Please pack up your knives and go.
Your work of art, didn't work for me.
You're times up.
I have to ask you to leave the mansion.
You must leave the chateau.
Your tour ends here.
You've been chopped!
You've been evicted from the Big Brother house.
Your desert just didn't measure up.
Sashay away!
Give me your jacket and leave Hell's kitchen!
You did not get a rose.
You have been eliminated from the race.
You are no longer in the running to be America's Next Top Model.
You're fired.
Auf Wiedersehen.

- Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 6 Episode 9

Sometimes, even when you know something's a mistake, you gotta make it anyway.

- Ted Mosby in How I Met Your MotherFailures, Fate & Destiny

Leoanrd: 'Is this the high-IQ spermbank?'
Woman: 'If you have to ask, maybe you shouldn't be here!'

- Leonard Hofstadter in The Big Bang Theory, Season 1 Episode 1Nerds

Give it a week, you'll get her back. And her front.
Oh! Did you feel that? I think we just had a 'what up?'-quake!

- Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 4 Episode 23

A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth.

- Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 5 Episode 19Lies

Barney: 'I only smoke in certain situations. Postcoital, when I'm with Germans, sometimes those two overlap, coital, birthdays, to annoy my mom, precoital, on a sailboat, the day the Mets are mathematically eliminated every year and pregnancy scares.'
Ted: 'Why are you smoking right now?'
Barney: 'I'm always precoital, Ted.'

- Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 5 Episode 11Smoking

Oh, this dress is totally going to get me laid on my wedding night.

- Lily Aldrin in How I Met Your Mother, Season 1 Episode 16Sex

Hey, nice shirt, Ted. Is it yesterday already?

- Lily Aldrin in How I Met Your Mother

I guess if they can put a man on the moon, they can put a woman on your brother.

- Berta in Two and a half Men, Season 2 Episode 8

Nerds who aren't good at math?
Life is going to be rough boys!

- Robin Scherbatsky in How I Met Your Mother, Season 1 Episode 20Mathematics, Nerds

Either this kid's got a light bulb up his butt, or his colon has a great idea.

- Perry Cox in Scrubs, Season 4 Episode 2

Caus' you see, for me, sex is a sport, like racquetball. Play hard for half an hour, work up a sweat and hope you don't get hit in the eye.

- Perry Cox in Scrubs, Season 2 Episode 2Sex

What has two thumbs and doesn't give a crap? Bob Kelso. How ya doin'.

- Bob Kelso in Scrubs, Season 3 Episode 10

Ted: 'She was 15?!'
Barney: 'No. A 15. Like in blackjack.'
Ted: 'As in.. not sure whether you'd hit it?'
Barney: 'Exactly!'

- Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 19

Ted, the only reason to wait a month for sex is if the girl is 17 years and 11 months old.

- Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 1 Episode 14Sex

Female acrobats from Montreal, super flexible...
We´re gonna get Cirque du so-laid!

- Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 3 Episode 1

Think of me as Yoda - only, instead of being little and green, I wear suits and I'm awesome. I'm your bro. I'm Broda.

- Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 3 Episode 5

It's going to be legen...
wait for it - and I hope you're not lactose-intolerant cause the second half of that word is
...da(i)ry!

- Barney Stinson in How I Met Your MotherLegendary

When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True Story.

- Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 1

Why are you dating a woman who most likely lost her virginity during World War II? And knowing her, probably not to one of our guys.

- Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men, Season 3 Episode 9

Carl: 'Steve, will you please stop sulking and come out of the bathroom?'
Steve Urkel: 'You yelled at me and you called me a butthead.'
Carl: 'Of all the names that I have called you , the one that bothers you is butthead?'
Steve Urkel: 'Yes. It was my nickname in preschool.'

- Steve Urkel in Family Matters