Stacey, six kids in five years! The woman's basically a ride to the waterpark.0
Barney: 'Ted, it's a well-known statistic, that 83% of people, married longer than 6 months, are saving someone on the side.'
Ted: 'Do you know that when you make up a statistic, you always use 83% ?'
Whats your prescription, Dr. Estrogen? Eat Haagen-Dazs and watch 'Love... actually' until your periods sync up?0
Because were baseball, strippers and guns can't help, the only thing that can really heal a broken heart, is time.Heart, Breakup & Lovesick0
Ted: 'Oh hey, where are you guys?'
Barney: 'We're in a fundraiser, helping young women raise money for community college.'
Ted: 'Stripclub... nice!'
Any time, a girl wants to get back at her ex-bodyfriends, we'll be there.
Any time, a girl wants to solve her father-issues through promiscuity and binge drinking we will be there.
Any time a bachelorette party drives through the city in a limo, sticking their heads out the sunroof, shouting 'what's up New York?', we will be what is 'up' New York!
Know what time it is? It's do-o-clock, lets ride!0
I am so smart, I am so smart! S-M-R-T!0
Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.0
If you don't like your job, you don't strike: you just go in every day and do it really half assed. That's the American way.America0
No son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies, and kid's with fake ID's.Beer0
In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland. True story!0
You will find that many of the truths we cling to, depend greatly on our own point of view.Truth0
Do or do not. There is no try.Taking action0
Who's the more foolish? The fool or the fool who follows him?Foolishness0
This is how liberty dies - with thunderous applause!Freedom0
Truly wonderful the mind of a child is.Children & Childhood0
Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not. Attachment leads to jealousy. The shadow of greed that is. Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.Death, Grief0
Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate; hate leads to suffering.Fear, Hatred0
Oh, great warrior? Wars not make one great.War0
Lily: 'A swordfight? On Monday I'm gonna have to tell my kindergarten class, who I teach not to run with scissors, that my fiancé ran me through with a freakin' broadsword.'
Marshall: 'Well... just to be fair, it didn't go all the way through.'
Lily: 'I'm sorry, is this a discussion of the degree to which you stabbed me?'
I never wanted any of it to change, but that's not how life works.Change0
When I rode home the next morning, the city looked the same. The people looked the same. It all looked the same. But it wasn't. In just one night, everything had changed.Change0
'Crutch down and bend over a little bit.'
Barney: 'Wow, It took five shots of tequila to have you in that position.'
Ted: 'What do you say?'
Robin: 'Yes! No! I don't know...'
Ted: 'Those are the three options.'
Lily: 'Swear on the lifes of your unborn boy and girl!'
Ted: 'I swear on Luke and Leia!'
Ted: 'Do you have a cold?'
Barney: 'I'm fine. My nose is just overflowing with awesome and I had to get some of it out.'
Talking to a woman that you have already had sex with, is like changing the oil on a rental car!Sex0
Lily: 'It's nine weeks 'til the wedding, at this point, I'd say yes to just about anything.'
Lily: 'No, Barney.'
Lily: 'Your job is very simple. At the wedding, do not sleep with anyone even remotely related to me.'
Barney: 'Yeah. Lily, you know I can't promise that'
Lily: 'I can't believe I unloaded like that on a high-school senior.'
Robin: 'I can't believe a high-scool senior unloaded like that on me.'
Barney: 'This is one of those things you have to do before you turn 30.'
Ted: 'Sleep with a prostitute?!'
Barney: 'No, lose your virginity!... What up?'
Think about it, this is perfect.
a) It'll make Robin insanly jealous
b) You get to have sex with her
c) Maybe by getting to know Mary, you'll come to see that cortisens are people too
and d) B! All night long!
Barney: 'Or it's a chance to mess with her head by showing up with someone hotter. Even better. Triple-threat: hotter and bigger boobs.'
Ted: 'That's only two?'
Barney: 'Count again!'
At some point maybe we accept the dream has become a nightmare. We tell ourselves that reality is better. We convince ourselves it's better that we never dream at all. But, the strongest of us, the most determined of us, holds on to the dream or we find ourselves faced with a fresh dream we never considered. We wake to find ourselves, against all odds, feeling hopeful. And, if we're lucky, we realize in the face of everything, in the face of life the true dream is being able to dream at all.Dreaming0
As surgeons we have to be in the know. But as human beings, sometimes it's better to stay in the dark, because in the dark there may be fear, but there's also hope.0
But the future is always changing. The future is the home of our deepest fears and wildest hopes. But one thing is certain when it finally reveals itself. The future is never the way we imagined it.Future0
The beauty of a moment, is that it's fleeting.Moment & Present0
I don't feel so good. It's like my testicals mixed poprocks and soda.Sex0
When you meet someone special, suddenly life is full of firsts: The first kiss, the first night together, the first weekend together.0
Sorry buddy, wish I could help you, but my hands are tied. Oh no wait, that was last night!0
Ted: 'You're not gonna do it at your wedding?'
Lily: 'Hell, yeah! I'm gonna take that flower-grenade and chuck it to the crowd and scream, 'Crawl for it, bitches!''
A drum roll?! That's it? So what, you just said good night, came home and... performed a drum solo?0
Barney: 'Wow, Ted. You're gonna have to find a new member for yourself, cause I'm revoking your dude-membership.'
Ted: 'Yeah, how was that manicure yesterday?'
Barney: 'Invigorating... thanks.'
Marshall: 'Yes, i want a ball-room and I want a band and I want shoes. I've been dreaming about this day since I was... like...
Lily: '...a little girl?'
Very nice, Lily. You know, she is a guest in this country. So while you may choose to turn your back on her, I choose... to turn my front on her. What up!0
Yes Barney, your submissions were recieved and no, we will not be attending any parties in your pants.0
If you cooked any more slowly, you wouldn't need an egg timer; you'd need an egg calendar.0
Marshall: 'If economic sanctions and trade-restrictions aren't enforced, the destruction of the rainforest will continue and over a million species will be wiped out!'
Ted: 'So you don't want coffee?'