Robin: "I just finished a seven-day cleanse."
Marshall: "I thought you just started that yesterday."
Robin: "I finished early, okay?"
Men may have discovered fire, but women discovered how to play with it.WomenCarrie Bradshaw in Sex And The City, Season 2 Episode 11
Tell a man: "I hate you" - you'II have the best sex of your Iife. But tell him: "I Iove you" - you'II probably never see him again.Men, Sex, Singles & DatingSamantha Jones in Sex And The City, Season 2 Episode 10
People go to casinos for the same reason they go on blind dates, hoping to hit the jackpot. But, mostly, you just wind up broke or alone in a bar. If we know the house always wins, why gamble?Gambling, Singles & DatingCarrie Bradshaw in Sex And The City, Season 5 Episode 3
I'm not even sure bisexuality exists. I think it's just a layover on the way to gaytown.Homosexuality & LGBTQ+Carrie Bradshaw in Sex And The City
Is your vagina listed in the New York City guide books? Because it should be - hottest spot in town. Always open.Charlotte York in Sex And The City
Stella: "Ted, you're staring at my breasts."
Ted: "In fairness... they were staring at me."
Ted: "We can do it against the door. It will be hot. It will be like a three-way: you, me and the door."
Stella: "Yeah, but then it's going to be weird between me and the door tomorrow."
So Robin? Guess who nailed the chick from "Metro News One" last night!Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 3 Episode 17
Barney: "Tell me more. Tell me more. Like did he have a car?"
Marshall: "So is he the guy who... how shall I say this like a gentleman? Robin, did he take your maple leaf?"
Barney: "Sounds to me like he gave you your first 'O Canada' face!"
Ted: "Do not pretend you're not the kind of guy, who keeps a list of all the girls he slept with."
Marshall: "I have one. It's called my marriage-license."
This is New York City, don't get close to the neighbours. You nod at them politely in the hall, you call the cops if you haven't seen them in a while and you smell something funny and that's it!New York City, NeighborsTed Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, Season 3 Episode 11
Marshall: "Jelly beans, fluffernutter, Gummi Bears, ginger snap... this is a grocery list!"
Robin: "For who? A witch building a house in the forest?"
Marshall: "Sugar helps me study."
Barney: "This is like the shopping a ten-year-old does when his parents leave him alone for the weekend."
Lily: "What parent leaves a ten-year-old alone for the weekend?"
Barney: "And your mom was perfect."
Brother, you're driving the "I-wanna-have-sex-with-her-truck" and its got a huge blind spot.Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother, Season 3 Episode 8
I appreciate your help, but there's a reason your name is "Robin", not "Batman".Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, Season 3 Episode 7
Barney: "I met a girl last night. So perky and full of life and not at all fake."
Ted: "You're talking about her boobs, right?"
Barney: "Si. And that wasn't Spanish, that was cup size. What up?!"
I like my money where I can see it - hanging in my closet!ShoppingCarrie Bradshaw in Sex And The City
Barney: "Ted, I'm gonna teach you how to live. Barney... we met at the urinal. Lesson 1: Loose the goatee it doesn't go with your suit!"
Ted: "I'm not wearing a suit."
Barney: "Lesson 2: Get a suit, suits are cool. Exhibit A. Lesson 3: "Don't even think about getting married until your 30."
Marshall: "Neither of you guys has any game, right? Or else you'd be married. Like me. If dating is the game, then marriage is winning the game."
Ted: "Yeah, if you're playing in the women's league!"
Barney: "You can't spell 'game' without 'me' and 'me' has the best game."
Ted: "Yeah well, I got so much game, I'm Cornish game hen."
Barney: "Oh, yeah? I'm the New York State gaming commissioner."
Ted: "Well, I'm The Game. Well-crafted, keep-you-guessing thriller starring Michael Douglas and Sean Penn."
Where some choose to look at this bra half-empty, I choose to look at this bra half-full.BoobsBarney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 3 Episode 1
Do not tell me you're gonna start searching for "the one" again. The only time I wanna hear you saying "the one", is if it's followed by the word "hundred".Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 22
Ted: "Okay, time to get the horn back to the bistro."
Robin: "Oh Ted, I don't know if I can go again, that tuckered me out."
Ted: "No euphemism."
You wanna know what line doesn't work on a harp player? "Hey baby, wanna pluck?"Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 21
Kids, you can't talk yourself into falling in love. It doesn't take days of deliberation. When it's real, you know pretty quickly and with absolute certainty.
I had forgotten that, but I was about to be reminded...
I don't wanna be choosing between two girls, I wanna be a complete head over heels idiot for one!LoveTed Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, Season 7 Episode 2
I guess, if we're splitting hairs, then technically... there was a plurality to the times I've lied to women for sex-having-purposes.Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 7 Episode 2
Walden: "Money does not buy happiness!"
Alan: "I wouldn't know, I never had either."
I could sprinkle you on the beach. It's simple, it's dignified and pretty girls covered with oil will be sitting on you all day. And like your life, except for the dignified part.Alan Harper in Two and a half Men, Season 9 Episode 1
I know what you said you wanted, but I really dont think Pamela Anderson will agree to swallow your ashes.Alan Harper in Two and a half Men, Season 9 Episode 1
[talking to Charlie's urn] Here we are, buddy. Just like old times, I'm talking and you're in a bottle, ignoring me.Alan Harper in Two and a half Men, Season 9 Episode 1
Ted: "All my friends from high-school, they're here with their wifes or kids. My date for the night is a sticky magazine..."
Robin: "Sounds like high-school all over again!"
Get ready, Cleveland. The last man to screw you that hard and then disappear, was LeBron James!Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 7 Episode 1
Lily: "Whenever we board a flight, you lick the plane!"
Marshall: "Have we crashed even once?"
Robin: "Who wants hot-wings?"
Lily: "I'm in... or maybe we should just pour hot-sauce on Barney, since he's a total chicken."
The only person on earth, who loves Ted Mosby more than Marshall Eriksen, is drunk Marshall Eriksen!Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother, Season 7 Episode 1
Marshall really took a two-flusher on that one!Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, Season 7 Episode 1
Ted, your throwing your life away. This girl is blinding you with her shiny hair and her boob-shaped boobs!BoobsBarney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 18
Seeing you alive brings warm feelings to my heart.Master Yoda in Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones, to Padmé
Marshall: "The broken windows?"
Lily: "We had to make it look realistic."
Marshall: "But why did you break two of them?"
Robin: "It looked like fun when she did it, so I wanted to try."
Marshall: "I can't believe this whole time it was you guys; I've been blaming Really Tan Dancing Leotard guy."
Your car's gonna be fine, this is the best auto-shop around. Look at this certificate, one of the mechanics here...
[reads the certificate]
...finished a 64 ounce steak.
Ted: "I thought you said you got rid of everything your ex-boyfriends gave you?"
Robin: "Well yeah, but not my dogs."
Ted: "You said everything."
Robin: "But not living things."
Ted: "Tell that to the rare bolivian cactus i threw away!"
I'll help you study. We're gonna stay up all night long. I'm gonna drill you and then we're gonna study. No, seriously. We're gonna do some cramming and then we're gonna study. No, seriously. We're gonna bone up on...Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 5 Episode 5
Lily: "We'll all have a wedding dress camp-out. It'll be fun!"
Barney: "I can't go. I've got this thing."
Lily: "What thing?"
Barney: "A penis!"
Because sometimes, even when you know how something's gonna end, that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the ride.TravelingTed Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 14
I'm going out of this world the same way I came into it: Buck-naked. Yeah. It's gonna be awesome. Open bar for the guys, open casket for the ladies. What up?Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 14
Charlie: "Looks to be a beautiful day. Slightly overcast, but that should burn off in a few hours, leaving us with another sun-dappled afternoon in paradise."
Berta: "You still drunk from last night, or did you get a fresh buzz this morning?"
Charlie: "With his grades, he might as well get used to pushing shopping carts around."
Alan: "Are you saying my son's gonna end up working in a supermarket?"
Charlie: "No, I'm saying he's probably gonna end up homeless."
Jake: "Boy! Is your eye red."
Charlie: "You should see it from in here."