The best Series Quotes (Page 2)

Quick note to my gang. If you were planning a rescue, now would be a good time.

"One day, I'll be the most famous highwayman in all of England!"
"You are literally about to be hanged, you idiot!"

I want this Dick in my hands as soon as possible.

Griselda: "I heard that you liked my product."
Eddie 'The Bird' Rancon: "Beautiful. Was like shoving a f*cking coca plant up my nose."
Griselda: "Give the size of that thing I bet you have the whole f*cking brick up there."

Can't you wait till we get inside? Your brother always serves it like an appetizer.

Look, listen, you need to understand that my business runs on volume, all right? So what am I going to do with one kilo?

I've seen your type. Nice clothes, walk a little too fast, talk a little too much. You need the work. I respect that.

Lord Melchett: "Ah, Blackadder, talking to yourself, I see."
Blackadder: "Yes, it's the only way I can be sure of intelligent conversation."

Mrs M, if we were the last three humans on earth, I would be trying to start a family with Baldrick.

They do say, Mrs M, that verbal insults hurt more than physical pain. They are, of course, wrong, as you will soon discover when I stick this toasting fork into your head.

Baldrick, I want you to take this and go out and buy a turkey so large, you'd think its mother had been rogered by an omnibus.

Baldrick, believe me, eternity in the company of Beelzebub and all his hellish instruments of death will be a picnic compared to five minutes with me - and THIS pencil.

The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr Brain has long since departed, hasn't he, Percy?

There hasn't been a war run this badly since Olaf the hairy, King of all the Vikings, ordered 80,000 battle helmets with the horns on the inside.

He's madder than Mad Jack McMad, the winner of last year's Mr Madman competition.

Your brain is so minute Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn't be enough to cover a small water biscuit.

Pitt the Younger: "I intend to put my own brother up as a candidate against you."
Blackadder: "And which Pitt would this be? Pitt the Toddler? Pitt the Embryo? Pitt the Glint in the Milkman's Eye?"

Lord Flashheart: "Enter the man who has no underwear. Ask me why."
Others: "Why do you have no underwear, Lord Flash?"
Lord Flashheart: "Because the pants haven't been built yet that'll take the job on."

Baldrick: "I have a plan, sir."
Blackadder: "Really, Baldrick? A cunning and subtle one?"
Baldrick: "Yes, sir."
Blackadder: "As cunning as a fox who's just been appointed Professor of Cunning at Oxford University?"

The suspect has his head placed upon a block, and an axe aimed at his neck. If the man is guilty, the axe will bounce off his neck. If the man is not guilty, the axe will simply slice his head off.

Baldrick: "I love my mum."
Blackadder: "And I love chops in sauce but I don't seek their advice."

Oh, Edmund. I do love it when you get cross. Sometimes I think about having you executed, just to see the expression on your face.

Field Marshal Haig is about to make yet another gargantuan effort to move his drinks cabinet six inches closer to Berlin.

Samuel Johnson: "This book, sir, contains every word in our beloved language."
Blackadder: "Every single one, sir?"
Samuel Johnson: "Every single word, sir."
Blackadder: "Oh, well, in that case, sir, I hope you will not object if I also offer the Doctor my most enthusiastic contrafibularities."

Baldrick, you wouldn't recognise a subtle plan if it painted itself purple and danced naked on a harpsicord singing "subtle plans are here again".

Am I jumping the gun, Baldrick, or are the words 'I have a cunning plan' marching with ill-deserved confidence in the direction of this conversation?

Baldrick, your head is as empty as a eunach's underpants.

Mrs Miggins: "Don't mind them Mr B, they're just being intellectual."
Blackadder: "There's nothing intellectual about wandering around Italy in a big shirt trying to get laid."

Am I pleased to see you or did I just put a canoe in my pocket?!

Prince George: "Someone said I had the wit and intellect of a donkey."
Blackadder: "Oh, an absurd suggestion sir. Unless it was a particularly stupid donkey."

Blackadder: "Criminal record?"
Baldrick: "Absolutely not."
Blackadder: "Oh, come on, Baldrick. You're going to be an MP for God's sake. I'll just put fraud and sexual deviance."

Percy, far from being a fit consort for a prince of the realm, you would bore the leggings off a village idiot.

The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own satanic herd.

Lord Blackadder: "Ah, Melchett! Greetings! I trust Christmas brings you its traditional mix of good food and violent stomach cramp."
Lord Melchett: "And compliments of the season to you, Blackadder. May the Yuletide log slip from your fire and burn your house down."

Mr. Pants: "You've really worked out your banter, haven't you?"
Blackadder: "No, this is a different thing. It's spontaneous and it's called wit."

Old woman: "The Wise Woman? There are two things you must know about the Wise Woman! First... she is a woman! And second...-"
Blackadder: "She is wise?"
Old woman: "Oh, you do know her then."
Blackadder: "No, just a quick stab in the dark - which is incidentally what you'll be getting if you don't start being more helpful."

We're in the stickiest situation since Sticky the Stick Insect got stuck on a sticky bun.

I may have the body of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a concrete elephant.

She's got a tongue like an electric eel, and she likes the taste of a man's tonsils.

Connie: "Does he even know you like him?"
Missy: "I don't know. I've ignored him, been mean to him. What else can I do?"

You think you can just buy me with a wink and some cheap booze?! Well, you can!

Angel Dust: "'I'm a bad man who never got enough hugs. Where's an innocent kid I can sell crack to?' Who wrote this?"
Charlie Morningstar: "It's great, right? Keep going!"

For the first time in our lives
We know that we are ready for this
We'll show heaven in a fight they won't forget
It's time to take a stand
It's time to lend a hand
Against the angels and their deadly threat
We cannot take it anymore
The time has come to go to war
Prepare to fight, we're ready for...

This place is about second chances. To convince Heaven the people of Hell can be redeemed.

Well, hello there, you wayward sinner. Do you like blood, violence, and depravity of a sexual nature? Of course you do! That's why you're in Hell. What would you say if I told you there was a place to stay that had none of that? Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel. Your last desperate attempt at salvation starts here.

Husk: "Why do you think I'm here? You actually think I'd be cleaning bottles and listening to you f*cks b*tch and moan all the time if he wasn't forcing me?"
Niffty: "I like being forced."
Husk: "Keep that to yourself, Niff."

This body was made to be exploited. I got the arms, I got the stamina, I got the legs, I got the lung capacity, the gag reflex, the holes, the chest fluff everyone thinks are t*ts... I can keep going all night, baby!

This body is flawless! Everyone wants summa me, and I've got the creepy fan letters to prove it!

Husk: "Call me 'Whiskers' again and I'll jam that bottle down your throat!"
Angel: "Kinky! Come on, keep talking dirty!"

But, life isn't a musical, hon.