The best Series Quotes (Page 2)

The devil is real and he isn't a little red man with horns and a tail. He can be beautiful because he's a fallen angel and he used to be God's favourite.

I am the Doctor, wether you like it or not.

Being alone and being lonely are two entirely different things. You may be surrounded by others, but do you truly consider any of those people your friend?

Linda: 'You're doing it again.'
Lucifer: 'What?'
Linda: 'Displacing.'
Lucifer: 'No, I'm not.'
Linda: 'And that's denial.'
Lucifer: 'That's a river in Africa.'

Jimmy: 'Your dad made me follow you up. Gave me a condom.'
Fiona: 'He must really like you. He usually just gives my boyfriends a dental dam.'

Jenna dances for an audience. You dance like there's no one else in the room. You life's not simple, Fiona, and you can't stop it from showing because you're no fake. You're not lost. You don't need finding. This whole city belongs to the Jennas, I'm sick of them. I swear, Fiona, you're nothing like anyone I've ever met. You make me want to enjoy my life again.

Phillip: 'Did he pitch a tent?'
Karen: 'Huh?'
Phillip: 'Did you make him hard?'
Karen: 'Ever try to play pool with a rope?'

Ninety percent of the world's problems are caused by tiny words that come in pairs. I mean, we're healthy and we're happy, but when people as, we say: 'Not bad.'

That's the great thing about California, you can almost go to the mountains and almost go to the beach on the same day.

Sometimes, the people we like don't like us back, and it's painful, but there's nothing we can do about it. I know what it's like when someone doesn't feel the same way about you. Someone you can't stop thinking about. It hurts. But you can't make people like you. Love isn't about grand gestures, or the moon and the stars. It's just dumb luck. And sometimes, you meet someone who feels the same way. And then sometimes, you're unlucky. But one day, you're gonna meet someone who appreciates you for who you are. I mean, there's seven billion people on the planet. I know one of them is gonna climb up on a moon for you.

Physics answers the question, 'What is the nature of the universe?' Geology answers the question, 'What'd I just trip over?'

Knowledge is power, power is status and status means popular.

I'm really sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. I'm not interested in dating anyone. I'm extremly busy with work and raising my son, and I just have no room in my life for the kind of intimacy you are clearly craving. But I really comment you on your directness and your bravado and I really hope that you find what you're looking for. Goodbye, now.

Be proud of your penis and your heritage. 'Cause neither are going anywhere. You should work with what you've got.

Adam: 'Three viagras.'
Maeve: 'Jesus Christ.'
Adam: 'You said there was gonna be no judgement. Is three viagras bad? Her reaction made it seem like it was bad. I feel lightheaded and I can taste scampi.'
Maeve: 'No wonder. You could besiege a castle with that thing.'
Adam: 'I said stop staring at it!'
Maeve: 'Sorry, it's like a third leg.'

Peter: 'How can I be a DJ? I'm just a guy with a laptop and an inflated self-image.'
Quagmire: 'Trust me, you're perfect!'

How come you Eastern European guys can't be quiter in pornos? I mean, nobody has ever been like, 'yeah, yeah, more guy noises!'

'You guys watch the main cabin, I will find them. I'll take that fat guy as a human shield.'
Peter: 'Oh, nice, last guy picked for dodgeball, first guy for human shield.'

'Okay, nobody move!'
Cleveland: 'Oh my god, those guys in first class have guns.'
Peter: 'Cleveland, just be happy with what you have. Don't envy people!'

That twerking pig may actually be the perfect embodiment of the entire Brexit situation. It's in motion already, we're all powerless to stop it and it is impossible to look away.

Threatening the British by saying there will be only salt and vinegar on the table, is like threatening the French by saying there will only be wine and baguettes, or threatening the Swiss by saying there'll only be chocolate and Nazi gold.

Accusing America of creating Venzuela's crisis is about as fair as accusing O.J. Simpson of murdering Princess Diana. I'm not saying it would be completly out of character, it just happens to not be true in this particular instance.

'I only got in trouble once, and... um.. Daddy Elfo um... slapped me on the bum bum.'

The only way that entire car is worth 500 bucks, is if there's a $300 hooker sitting in it.

It's interesting how your feelings on sueing the government can change a lot, based on who is saying it. It's like how, 'I'm getting off here', is a fine thing for someone to say, if they're standing next to the door of a train. But it's a rude thing to say, if they are masturbating on that same train.

This is not a dictatorship. This is America. Give me liberty, or give me meth.

Great things don’t happen in tiny little increments. You know, they happen when someone thinks completely differently.

You can't lose your virginity to a tampon. It has to be a penis with a man attached.

If god didn't want us putting things up our ass, he would have given the rectum a gag reflex.

Every time we open our hearts, every time we open our gates, we take a risk.

Sometimes when people love each other very much, they need time apart, so when they come back together, their love is even stronger.

I just thought squirting was a myth, like unicorns or moderate Republicans.

Bullying is a vital part of every ecosystem. It teaches kids resilience. The world is a rough place. Bullying is like getting inoculated. It's a vaccine.

Every time we open our hearts, every time we open our gates, we take a risk.

Doing things you don't want to do is how you make a relationship work.

Everyone sounds like Meryl Streep with a gun to their head.

Well yeah, and I'm sad. But at the same time, I'm really happy that something can make me feel that sad. It's like, it makes me feel alive. You know? It makes me feel human. The only way I can feel this sad now, is if I felt something really good before. So I have to take the bad with the good. So I guess what I'm feeling is like a beautfiul sadness.

In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of inner strength.

When someone points a gun at you, you don't turn around and run away. You take it out of their hand and you point it right back.

We are captives of our own identities, living in prisons of our own creation.

You know what I want, to not have to be the older brother for my older brother.

I’m not asking you to love me. I already screwed up that chance a long time ago. I’m asking you to love yourself. You can still put the brakes on this thing.

The problem with always wanting more is that the second you get it, it can always be taken away.

Calling Facebook a toilet is a little unfair to toilets. Because they make shit go away, whereas Facebook retains shit.

Our main story tonight concerns Facebook, the worst place to wish Happy Birthday to a friend, other than a funeral.

Queen Dagmar: 'Sounds to me like he deserves a marvelous funeral.'
King Zøg: 'Great idea. I'll get someone to fish him out of the corpse pit.'

Maybe that's why I've had such low elf-esteem.

Bean: 'I just realized something. You're the reason I have a drinking problem.'
Zøg: 'Of course I am. I'm your father.'

Lying to me in any other way than flattery is a mortal crime.

You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.