The best Series Quotes (Page 199)

I love this moment so much, I want to have sex with it.

He has got to go. You need to be like:
You are the weakest link goodbye!
Punchy, the tribe has spoken.
Please pack up your knives and go.
Your work of art, didn't work for me.
You're times up.
I have to ask you to leave the mansion.
You must leave the chateau.
Your tour ends here.
You've been chopped!
You've been evicted from the Big Brother house.
Your desert just didn't measure up.
Sashay away!
Give me your jacket and leave Hell's kitchen!
You did not get a rose.
You have been eliminated from the race.
You are no longer in the running to be America's Next Top Model.
You're fired.
Auf Wiedersehen.

Sometimes, even when you know something's a mistake, you gotta make it anyway.

Leoanrd: "Is this the high-IQ spermbank?"
Woman: "If you have to ask, maybe you shouldn't be here!"

Give it a week, you'll get her back. And her front.
Oh! Did you feel that? I think we just had a "what up?"-quake!

A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth.

Barney: "I am not a smoker. I only smoke in certain situations: Post-coital, when I'm with Germans, sometimes those two overlap, coital, birthdays, to annoy my mom, pre-coital, on a sailboat, the day the Mets are mathematically eliminated every year, and of course - wait for it - 'cause lord knows I have, pregnancy scares."
Ted: "Why are you smoking right now?"
Barney: "I'm always pre-coital, Ted."

Oh, this dress is totally going to get me laid on my wedding night.

Hey, nice shirt, Ted. Is it yesterday already?

I guess if they can put a man on the moon, they can put a woman on your brother.

Nerds who aren't good at math?
Life is going to be rough boys!

Either this kid's got a light bulb up his butt, or his colon has a great idea.

Caus' you see, for me, sex is a sport, like racquetball. Play hard for half an hour, work up a sweat and hope you don't get hit in the eye.

What has two thumbs and doesn't give a crap? Bob Kelso. How ya doin'.

Ted: "She was 15?!"
Barney: "No. A 15. Like in blackjack."
Ted: "As in.. not sure whether you'd hit it?"
Barney: "Exactly!"

Ted, the only reason to wait a month for sex is if the girl is 17 years and 11 months old.

Female acrobats from Montreal, super flexible... we're gonna get Cirque du so-laid!

Think of me as Yoda - only, instead of being little and green, I wear suits and I'm awesome. I'm your bro. I'm Broda.

It's going to be legen...
wait for it - and I hope you're not lactose-intolerant cause the second half of that word is
...dary!

When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True Story.

Why are you dating a woman who most likely lost her virginity during World War II? And knowing her, probably not to one of our guys.

There lies the woods of Lothlórien! That is the fairest of all the dwellings of my people. There are not trees like the trees of that land. For in the autumn their leaves fall not, but turn to gold. Not till the spring comes and the new green opens do they fall and then the boughs are laden with yellow flowers; and the floor of the wood is golden and golden is it's roof, and its pillars of silver, for the bark of the trees is smooth and grey. So still our songs in Mirkwood say. My heart would be glad if I were beneath the eaves of that wood, and it were springtime!

He was tall as a young tree, lithe, immensely strong, able swiftly to draw a great war-bow and shoot down a Nazgûl, endowed with the tremendous vitality of Elvish bodies, so hard and resistant to hurt that he went only in light shoes over rock or through snow, the most tireless of all the Fellowship.

Carl: "Steve, will you please stop sulking and come out of the bathroom?"
Steve Urkel: "You yelled at me and you called me a butthead."
Carl: "Of all the names that I have called you , the one that bothers you is butthead?"
Steve Urkel: "Yes. It was my nickname in preschool."