The best Series Quotes (Page 177)

Cities don't change people. People don't even change people. We are who we are.

When do you throw in the tower? Admit that a lost cause is just that? There comes a point when it all becomes too much. When we get too tired to fight anymore. So we give up.
That's when the real work begins: to find hope, where there seems to be absolutely none at all.

Sometimes it takes a huge loss to remind you of what you care about the most. Sometimes you find yourself becoming stronger as a result, wiser, better to deal the next big desaster that comes along. Sometimes but not always.

You think that true love is the only thing that could crush your heart, the thing that could take your life and light it up or destroy it.

Gerald Broflovski: "Well that does it, I'm going to the police!"
Stan: "For what?"
Gerald Broflovski: "To find out where Apple is keeping my son."
Stan: "Dude, when the police want to know where somebody is, they ask Apple!"

When a chick says we need to talk, you might as well start punching yourself in the balls, dude.

Randy: "Can't you see that if we fall to New Jersey, California is next?"
Schwarzenegger: "No, because Utah is between Colorado and California."
Randy: "Fine. Well, when Utah gets taken over by New Jersey, then who's next?"
Schwarzenegger: "Nevada."
Randy: "Oh really? Okay Mr. 'I'm Awesome at Geography'!"

Towelie had a girlfriend he really liked. Then she got pregnant and had a little wash cloth.

[Playing Chatroulette with Kyle] This is the way the world works, if you want to find some quality friends you have to wade through all the dicks fist.

Is that something I'd want to do? Is the Pope Catholic and making the world safe for pedophiles?

Mr. Stotch: "Butters, away from the window, you're being grounded."
Butters: "Sorry dad. I was just being the voice of a generation."

Do you know what happened to the last people Germans were pissed off at? Tell him, Kyle!

Stan: "Dude, it actually wasn't a dolphin and a whale who bombed hiroshima, it was the..."
Cartman: "Dude, they won't rest until whoever is responsible is completely wiped out!"

Stan: "Rings that say they not gonna have sex or doing anything naughty anymore."
Butters: "A ring that says you'll be together but not have sex... isn't that called the wedding ring?"

Statistically speaking, the most bacteria-ridden place on the planet is the mouth of an American woman.

Cartman: "Went to sleep in my mom's car in the garage with the engine turned on."
Stan: "You didn't die?"
Cartman: "Freakin' hybrids, man. They just don't do the trick anymore."

Hey, it's me again. Look, who are we kidding? You and I are both attracted to each other. We're young, we're drunk, half of us anyway. And we only get one life, so why don't you come over to my apartment and we'll think of something stupid to do together?

Haven't Luke Skywalker and Santa Claus affected your lives more than most real people in this room? I mean, whether Jesus is real or not, he's had a bigger impact on the world than any of us have. And the same could be said of Bugs Bunny... and Superman and Harry Potter. They've changed my life, changed the way I act on the Earth. Doesn't that make them kind of real?

Terrorist: "America had other enemies before the Muslims, you know? Who is America's oldest enemy?"
Cartman: "The Russians?"
Terrorist: "Before that!"
Cartman: "The Germans?"
Terrorist: "Before that."
Cartman: "The Germans again?"

The only way to fight hate is with even more hate!

I love life. Yeah, I'm sad, but at the same time, I'm really happy that something could make me feel that sad. It's like... it makes me feel alive, you know. It makes me feel human. The only way I could feel this sad now is if I felt something really good before. So I have to take the bad with the good. So I guess what I'm feeling is like a beautiful sadness.

Cartman: "Have you seen this trick? When someone's sleeping, you can take a glass of warm water, and when you put their hand in it..."
Stan: "And then what?"
Cartman: "...and then you pee on them!"
Kyle: "No, dude! You're supposed to put their hand in warm water to make THEM pee!"
Cartman: "Really? Oh well."

I can't lose weight, Butters, because I'm not fat, I'm big-boned. You can't slim down bones, stupid!

Officer Barbrady, let's pretend for one second that we had a competent law enforcement officer in this town. What would he do?

Cartman: "I'm not the one walking around all day like Pippi Longstocking."
Stan: "Well, at least my mom isn't on the cover of Crack Wh*re magazine."

Ready, Ike? Kick the baby!

Stan: "I know what did cause the flood."
Kyle: "George Bush?"
Stan: "No!"
Kyle: "Terrorists?"
Stan: "No!"
Kyle: "Communists?"
Stan: "Nein!"
Kyle: "Chinese radicals"
Stan: "Nein!"
Kyle: "Cartman?"
Stan: "Sort of..."

Stan: "Dude, I wonder where Kyle is."
Cartman: "Maybe he caught a disease and died, that'd be so awesome."
Stan: "Dude that's not funny, you shouldn't joke about that."
Cartman: "Who's joking?"

Mr. Garrison: "Then maybe you can tell me who was in charge of the feminist movement of the early sixties."
Eric Cartman: "A bunch of fat old sk-nks on their periods?"
Mr. Garrison: "Right, but who was the fattest oldest sk-nk on her period?"

Teacher: "You think art is not important?"
Stan: "Well, art is just kinda for gaywads."
Butters: "I love our class!"
Stan: "See?!"

Chefkoch: "Well, if you want him to get really fat as fast as possible, one of you will have to marry him."
Stan: "Marry him?"
Chefkoch: "It definitely worked for every woman i ever met."

What's the matter, you got some sand in your v-gina?

But, years from now, when you're old and have children of your own, what would you give to come back and fight this one day? This one day, where you could have made a difference. Where you could've told Scott Tenorman: 'You may take our pride, but you will never take my god damn $16.12!'

Stan: "Dude, we don't have any musical talent."
Cartman: "That didn't stop any of the other boy bands, dumbass!"

Mr. Garrison: "Oh, for Pete's sake! What've you bastards done now?!"
Cartman: "Hey! That was Kyle that went number two in urinal!"
Kyle: "No, it wasn't, fat*ss... I saw you do it!"

We're trying to find the Brown Noise, it's this one pitch, this certain frequency, that makes people loose bowel control.

I don't know what tomorrow's gonna bring. I'm learning to love what I am. I'm a towel.

Chemistry is the study of matter, but I prefer to see it as the study of change.

It's nothing personal Walt, but you wouldn’t know a criminal if he was close enough to check you for a hernia.

Our snitch's car, turns out we find two grams of meth in it. We take it to the lab, they come back they tell us it is the purest they've ever seen. Our chemist is blown away. Said he couldn't do better.

Samantha: "I don't get laid, unless the Knicks win. Can I just say? They and I have been on a very long losing streak."
Carrie: "That's awful."
Samantha: "No kidding. The Knicks are the only ones getting screwed!"

Samantha: "If we perpetually gave men bl*wjobs, we could run the world."
Carrie: "At Ieast our hands would be free to greet dignitaries and stuff."

Stanford: "This is Manhattan, even the shrinks have shrinks."
Carrie: "The fact was, Stanford was right. The therapist was as ubiquitous in Manhattan as pirated cable."
Stanford: "I have three. One when I want to be cuddled, one when I want tough Iove and one for when I just want to Iook at a really beautiful man."
Carrie: "That's sick."
Stanford: "Which is why I see the other two."

I pity him, because I get to walk away and be me and he has to walk away and stay him... who wants to be him when you can be me?

In a town where everyone's dying to couple up, sometimes there's nothing better than being out of a relationship. You have time to do your laundry, freedom to play your favorite bad music really loudly... but the best part of being out of a relationship: Plenty of time to catch up with your friends.

Chefkoch: "Why 'oh oh'?"
Gerald Brovlovski: "Chef, that's Johnny Cochran. He's the one that got O.J. off."
Chefkoch: "Oh oh..."

Ted: "The road to this day has had a few twists and turns, hasn't it?"
Marshall: "Yeah... just a few. In a weird way, it all makes sense though, doesn't it?"

Barney: "Canada sucks."
Robin: "Okay, well, you're one-quarter Canadian, so by that logic you one-quarter suck!"
Barney: "I'm 100% awesome and you know it!"
Robin: "Yeah, I do."

Airport Security: "How did you get that through the X-Ray machine?"
Barney: "No questions from the audience, please!"

Let's hit a motel, jam in a quickie and get you back to your wedding.