The best Series Quotes (Page 174)

That pine shields my view of the Purcell's backyard, and if you had ever seen Mr. Purcell sunbathe, you'd know exactly what that tree means to me.

Are you aware, that breaking a broath can have deadly- even fatal repercussions?

Marshall: "I was once with this chick, who liked to do hand stuff underneath a jacket, while we were all sitting around our favorite booth at MacLaren's."
Ted: "Gross."
Robin: "We share appetizers!"

Marshall: "Lily, you snooped through her stuff?"
Lily: "No, it's like the first thing you see when you jimmy open her desk-drawer with the letter opener her grandfather left her, according to her diary."

Marshall: "Baby, you're like 20 sl*tty chicks all rolled into one."
Lily: "Sweet-talk is not gonna change my mind!"

By "entertainment" they mean "table-shuffle-board", Makramee classes and other non-stimulating activities which are only used in Manhatten to calm down drug-addicts and the criminaly insane.

You know, it's funny. Almost every woman I've ever met was wrong to give me a chance. You're the first woman who's wrong not to.

Neither one of us are gonna say, "Hey, how's it going?" or "Good to see you!"
Because it really will be good to see you.

The biggest case of my life and I'd already lost the jury. I mean, I've heard of "Twelve Angry Men", but this was more like "Twelve Horny Women".

Ted: "Want to know what I looked like at age 15? There it is."
Robin: "I don't get it, that guy wasn't masturbating."
Barney: "Yeah, and the waistband of his undies wasn't pulled up to his Cub Scouts neckerchief."

When you do one good deed, it creates a ripple effect. One good deed leads to another and another.

Kids, Robin and Barney had recently shared an awkward moment. After that, they did what any two mature adults would do: They pretended it never happened.

Peter: "I hope you're not pregnant, we can't afford another kid. We already got Chris, Stewie, Richie, Joanie, Greg, Marsha, Bobby, Jan, Mike Seaver, Carol Seaver, Boner, Urkel, Mr. Furley..."
Brian: "Peter those aren't your kids. That's the Nick-At-Night lineup."
Peter: "...Blanka, Zangief, Chun-Li, Guile, E. Honda..."
Brian: "That's Street Fighters!"
Peter: "...red, blue, green..."
Brian: "Those are colors!"

Lois: "You've never even had a boyfriend more than a few weeks."
Meg: "I have two, remember when I dated the Count?"
Count Count: "One nipple. Two nipples. Three nip- oh, hell no! I'm outta here!"

Ouh, that's gotta hurt worse than getting a birthday telegram from Zinédine Zidane.

Tom: "Are you as tired as I am?"
Lynette: "More. But I'm tougher, and I complain less."
Tom: "Not when you give birth - and you do that a lot."

Gabrielle: "How about that? And here I was thinking some guy wants to murder me in my sleep."
Carlos: "The night's still young!"

You guys, everyone of you, will be die sometime! Was that a bad start for a funny show?

In this fall - this is tough. In this fall I'm going to take my talents to Mouth Beach.

Marshall, you being 18 isn't a bad thing. It just means you get to spend even more of your life with her.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh.

B-Dawg, Barn Door, Stinson-natti, Bro-hio! Talk to me, how's it hangin'?

Sticky's even sent me a boob-shaped hand-sanitizer dispenser. It's clean and dirty at the same time.

Pinky, you give a whole new meaning to the phrase, "counter-intelligence". You have the I.Q. of plaster.

Brain: "Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
Pinky: "I think so, Brain. But me and Pippi Longstocking... I mean, what would the children look like?"

Pinky: "Egad. You astound me, Brain."
Brain: "That's a simple task, Pinky."

The Brain: "Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
Pinky: "I think so, Brain. But how will we get the Spice Girls into the paella?"

Brain: "Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
Pinky: "I think so Brain... but do I really need 2 tongues?"

This is the earth. And this is Pinky. You can tell the difference quite easily: One is a lump of inert matter hurtling blindly through the void.
The other... is the earth.

Pinky: "Russia! I've heard of that place! Isn't it full of cheating, lying and backstabbing intrigue?"
Brain: "The Cold War is over Pinky. Now Russia is a place of free-market capitalism."
Pinky: "What's free-market capitalism?"
Brain: "Erm... cheating, lying and backstabbing intrigue."

Pinky: "Egad Brain! I wish I was as smart as you."
Brain: "I wish you were as smart as a tree stump, Pinky."

Brain: "I met her today in the maze. Her name is Billie. She's of simple folk, fair and true."
Pinky: "You mean she's stupid?"

You aren't going to get rid of me,are you Brain? I mean, you, working as a single? Look what happened to Jerry Lewis!

Brain: "How are going to get the Earth to lose weight?"
Pinky: "I know! We can get everyone to go on a diet!"
Brain: "Diets don't work."
Pinky: "Not even if you call them 'A Whole New Way of Eating?'"
Brain: "No."

Brain: "Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
Pinky: "I think so, Brain. But if you replace the P with an O, my name would be Oinky, wouldn't it?"

Brain: "Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
Pinky: "Yes Brain. But if our knees bent the other way, how would we ride a bicycle?"

Sigmund Freud would have had a field day with you, Pinky.

Do you practice being dim or is it a natural talent?

Brain: "Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
Pinky: "I think so Brain. But pants with horizontal stripes make me look chubby."

I forced you to use the still frame on your VCR

Parker, I'm your mother. Mothers don't lie to their sons. Now go wash your hands or santa's not gonna bring you anything for christmas.

Nick: "So, I went to this fortune teller today and she said there was a curse on me."
Robin: "Did she sell you something to ward off the curse?"
Nick: "It's like you're a fortune teller, too."

This woman has a hold on my heart that I could not break if I wanted to, and there have been times that I wanted to.
It has been overwhelming and humbling and even painful at times, but I could not stop loving her any more than I could stop breathing.

Barney: "Before you know it, you'll be marrying a man who once ate a vanilla-scented candle!"
Robin: "That was on me. I shouldn't have left it in the kitchen. Though, it was lit. Man, he dumb."

Robin: "I don't know if we should keep seeing each other."
Nick: "You want to start turning off the lights during sex?"
Robin: "No. God, no. No! I am just worried that, as a couple, we're not working out."
Nick: "You want to start going to the gym together?"

Ted: "Basketball, people don't realize, is all geometry, physics and engineering. If you think like an architect, you could win a thousand games without ever touching a ball."
Barney: "What happened to your ball?"
Ted: "Some kids from the Hebrew school next door took it and wouldn't give it back."

Eventually, Nick's groin will heal and you'll be back in Sexville, where all the crossword puzzles only have one box to fill.

Ted: "Our point guard's a 52-year-old virgin, happy as a clam."
Barney: "I'm sure he's quite a ball handler."

Raj: "Hey, look, I found an iPod!"
Howard: "Smashed beyond repair - what are you going to do with it?"
Raj: "What else? Sell it on ebay as 'slightly used'."

Leonard: "I don't think I can go out with her tonight."
Sheldon: "Then don't."
Leonard: "Other people would say, 'Why not?'"
Sheldon: "Other people might be interested."