Sometimes the only way to stay sane is to go a little crazy.0
Every woman has a crazy side that only the right man can bring out.0
If I get mad at you that means I still care. Worry when I don't get mad.0
My love for my Joker was stronger than their mad house walls.0
Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you're stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.0
Smile because it confuses people. Smile because it's easier than explaining what is killing you inside.0
Only trust someone who can see these three things in you: The sorrow behind your smile, the love behind your anger, and the reason behind your silence.0
We stopped checking for monsters under our bed when we realised they were inside us.0
I know the voices in my head aren't real, but sometimes their ideas are absolutely awesome.0
Childhood is when you idolise Batman, adulthood is when you realise that the Joker makes more sense.0
Guns don't kill people, people kill people! Guns defend people against people with smaller guns.Gun-Control0
There's an old German saying: 'Don't blame the fish!' There are other sayings, but they mostly involve genocide...0
Gummi Bears?! He replaced my bullets with Gummi Bears from the mini bar... that's gonna cost me $7!0
Oh, I love your religion ... for the crazy! Virgin birth. Water into wine. It's like Harry Potter, but it causes genocide and bad folk music.0
A real New York hotel! How many Wall Street bankers have had their first prostitute here?0
Stan, we can't have a grown woman acting like a child in our house. This ain't no Disney Channel.0
Roger: 'I once survived four days in a Del Taco parking lot extracting life-saving nutrients from puddles and bird shit.'
Steve: 'Why didn't you just go into the Del Taco?'
Roger: 'I'm a Taco Bell man.'
When I joined the CIA, I knew the deal. If we make a mistake, we cover it up. Like the time Dick accidentally created feline AIDS and we covered it up by blaming it on gay cats.0
Hello, Bill Gates? Turns out I’m the richest guy in the world, because I have an adoring wife and a loving family.
Hello, UNICEF? Yes, I’d like to donate some of my immense riches. What’s that? Children are still starving in Africa because wife love is worthless to you? What an odd policy!
Ah, saturday afternoon TV. Where the sneaky networks hide all the good shows.0
In a hundred years, when there’s a million jerks riding around Manhattan drunk in limos, the west will seem like a paradise.0
The new Pixar movie, Clothes. It’s about the secret lives of clothes. John Ratzenberger plays a tie.0
No one sees the perfect con coming, especially inside their own home.0
Every relationship teaches us hard lessons, right? That's their gift. To make us ready for the day when someone, maybe the One, walks in, who could truly love us.Relationships0
Sometimes, we do bad things for the people we love. Doesn't mean it's right, it means love is more important.0
From every boy masquerading as a man that you let into your body, your heart, you learned you didn't have whatever magic turns a beast into a prince.0
Uh, yes, face Candace. I'd sooner slam my nuts in a door.0
I'd never felt this way before, where you love the bad things about someone as much as the good. Maybe even a little more.0
Zach: 'I'm test-driving veganism now and I'm just feeling a little faint. You two are absolutely adorable, and I am a lonely, vegan island.'
Joe: 'Someone needs a burger.'
Beck: 'Or somewhere to put his meat.'
The universe has a funny way of keeping us humble.0
Ned: 'How about your brother? How's he doing?'
Beck: 'You know. Works a lot. Anya, too. But they seem happy. [According to Facebook.]'
Relationships are scary. You don't get all that goodness and possibilities with zero risk.Relationships0
One day, you won't need love anymore
One day, you won't walk through the world
As though it was your job to hold everything up
The sun, the sky, the hard part of the night
There are scary people in the world, Beck. That's why it's important to be safe.0
The most valuable things in life are usually the most helpless.0
Every account set to public. You want to be seen, heard, known. Of course, I obliged. The next thing our little friend the internet gave me, was your address.0
If this was a movie, I'd grab you and we'd go at it right in the stacks.0
That's sad. People buying books because of what's popular and not because they wanna be moved or changed in some way.0
Moo Point. It's like a cow's opinion, it just doesn't matter.0
Jaskier: 'Actually, I've always wanted to know, do witchers ever retire?'
Geralt: 'Yeah, when they slow and get killed.'
I will not suffer tonight sober just because you hid your sausage in the wrong royal pantry.0
Geralt: 'I'm not your friend.'
Jaskier: 'Really? Oh, you usually just let strangers rub chamomile onto your lovely bottom?'