Quotes and Sayings about Turkeys

Baldrick, I want you to take this and go out and buy a turkey so large, you'd think its mother had been rogered by an omnibus.

We celebrate a holiday that praises our success at genocide. It's a white celebration of colonization. That's not sadistic enough. We package it up with the image of a happy, smiling turkey. The emblem of the holiday is the animal that we slaughter en masse.

No, you dingbat. You don't just go groping away. You gotta pre-heat the oven before you stick in the turkey.

There's always something to be thankful for on Thanksgiving. Even if it's just not being a turkey.

If you want to save a species, simply decide to eat it. Then it will be managed - like chickens, like turkeys, like deer, like Canadian geese.

The truth is the Super Bowl long ago became more than just a football game. It's part of our culture like turkey at Thanksgiving and lights at Christmas, and like those holidays beyond their meaning, a factor in our economy.

What do Black Friday shoppers and Thanksgiving Turkeys have in common?
Both know how it feels to be stuffed and cramped in narrow spaces.

Thanksgiving is almost here and as soon as people realize how much money they have to spend on holiday gifts, their wallets snap tighter than Kim Kardashian's legs after the wedding check cleared.

I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.

Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.

Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul.

Looking forward to ruining Thanksgiving this year by saying "Okay, Boomer" after the family prayer.

Life is a subscription and Thanksgiving is your family's yearly charge.

Thanksgiving cuisine is such a delightful symphony of flavor!

May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump
May your potatoes and gravy have nary a lump
May your yams be delicious and your pies take the prize
And may your Thanksgiving dinner stay off your thighs!

I celebrated Thanksgiving the old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

They should change the name of Thanksgiving to something more fitting, like say, Turkeypocalypse.

Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.

The thing I'm most thankful for right now is my elastic waistband.

You can't have a good Thanksgiving meal without a little bit of ketchup on the side.

An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.

I absolutely adore Thanksgiving. It's the only holiday I insist on making myself.

A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes. A water logged stick will do just fine. A dog doesn't care if you're rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his. How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary?

Who feeds a hungry animal, feeds his own soul.

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others.

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.

Treat your pet in a way that you could easily exchange roles anytime.

There are no strange creatures, only blinkered people.

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans.

The only honest reaction and true loyalty that we get is from our animals.

Animals don't judge you as long as you're really good at heart. They don't care who you are or what you've done in your past.

I've always had a fascination for animals. I loved watching them, and even then I thought of them as beings rather than pets. I call it a birth affect!

Max: "Fall in a ditch!"
Marcus: "Well, I already did that."

Lord Melchett: "Ah, Blackadder, talking to yourself, I see."
Blackadder: "Yes, it's the only way I can be sure of intelligent conversation."

Marcus: "My bike. It's gone. She took it."
Max: "So that's like Grand Theft Auto. Or Grand Theft Bike."

I got some scotch. Aged eighteen years. The way I like it.

If you want more sex, just ask for it.

For the Nugent family, fast food is a running herbivore.

I went to a costume party dressed as a chicken and hooked up with a girl dressed as an egg.

Long story short:
The chicken.

I think journalism is a great way to do public service, to have an impact on your community.

If there is a country that has committed unspeakable atrocities in the world, it is the United States of America. They don’t care for human beings.

We're not done, dawg, I want three!

Bought a new vacuum on Black Friday. It sucks!

You just called Britney Spears retro, so I have to go cryogenically freeze myself.

Georgia: "I'm worried about you, Peach."
Ginny: "Is that why your wrinkles are so pronounced?"

Ellen: "Ten minutes, or I'm taking away your phone."
Marcus: "Good. We're wasting our lives chained to these screens for our dopamine hits. Does it actually make us more fulfilled? No."
Max: "If I could have my phone surgically embedded into my hand, I would."

Max: "Welcome back, b*tches!"
Ellen: "Maxine, don't call Nanna and Pappy b*tches."