The best Quotes about the Tooth Fairy

The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money.

When one of Lisa's baby teeth fell out here, the tooth fairy left her 50 cents. Another tooth fell out when she was with her father in Las Vegas, and that tooth fairy left her $5. When I told Elvis that 50 cents would be more in line, he laughed. He knew I was not criticizing him; how would Elvis Presley know the going rate for a tooth?

Priscilla Presley

Elvis Presley

I still believe in Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and true love. Don't even try to tell me different.

Dolly Parton

Santa Claus Easter Bunny

Step to this and get shanked up
I knocked out so many teeth the tooth fairy went bankrupt

Big L - Let 'Em Have It "L", Album: Lifestylez ov da Poor & Dangerous

Punchlines

My parents told me not to lie. All I'm saying is: Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy.

Funny Quotes Santa Claus Easter Bunny

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You don't have to brush all your teeth - just the ones you intend on keeping.

Teeth Dentists

Peralta: "I'm just gonna grab a healthy breakfast."
Holt: "Are those gummybears wrapped in a fruit roll-up?"
Peralta: "Breakfast-Burrito... but, yeah."
Holt: "I pity your dentist."
Peralta: "Joke's on you, I don't have a dentist!"

Jacob Peralta in Brooklyn Nine-Nine - Season 1 Episode 15

Teeth Dentists

Thirty white horses on a red hill,
First they champ,
Then they stamp,
Then they stand still.
[Teeth]

Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit

Teeth

Women reject me for 100 different reasons. White teeth would reduce that to 99 problems.

Alan Harper in Two and a half Men - Season 10 Episode 2

Teeth

Smiling is the most elegant way to show someone your teeth.

Werner Finck

Laughing & Smile Teeth

Haven't Luke Skywalker and Santa Claus affected your lives more than most real people in this room? I mean, whether Jesus is real or not, he's had a bigger impact on the world than any of us have. And the same could be said of Bugs Bunny... and Superman and Harry Potter. They've changed my life, changed the way I act on the Earth. Doesn't that make them kind of real?

Kyle Broflovski in South Park - Season 11 Episode 12

Luke Skywalker Superman Bugs Bunny Imagination Santa Claus

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

George Carlin

Funny Quotes Santa Claus Bad Girls

A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.

Ricky Gervais

Atheism Santa Claus Hölle

Parker, I'm your mother. Mothers don't lie to their sons. Now go wash your hands or santa's not gonna bring you anything for christmas.

Lynette Scavo in Desperate Housewives - Season 2 Episode 19

Mother Santa Claus Mother & Son

Don't be surprised if you wake up in a big brown bag one day. That only means that Santa finally fulfilled my wish.

Santa Claus

I heard there's an old man going around offering gifts to children without asking for compensation. Is that what you call an act of kindness? Fascinating.

Lancelot in Granblue Fantasy: Relink

Santa Claus

Papa Elf: "Silly as it sounds, a lot of people down south don't believe in Santa Claus."
Buddy: "What?! Well, who do they think puts all their toys under the tree?"
Papa Elf: "Well, there's a rumor floating around that the parents do it."

Papa Elf in Elf

Santa Claus

Santa knows Physics: Of all colors, Red Light penetrates fog best. That's why Benny the Blue-nosed reindeer never got the gig.

Neil DeGrasse Tyson

Santa Claus Reindeer

How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh and reindeer?
Nothing, it's on the house!

Santa Claus Reindeer

Christians are like a thirteen year old kid who still believes in Santa.

Jim Jefferies

Christianity Santa Claus

Santa can't always give a child what they want. 'Cause the child will grow up, become an adult, and realize that a Chanel bag costs a month's wage for most people. Which is the result of just a few people having far too much money.

Alex - The Santa in Julestorm - A Storm for Christmas - Season 1 Episode 2

Santa Claus Chanel

On a very special night every year, legend has it that a jolly old man in a red suit flies through the air and brings gifts, laughter, and joy to children everywhere.

I Believe in Santa

Santa Claus Holy Night

I'm sending you this message in times of capitalism, consumption and presents to remind you of the true meaning of Christmas:
The birth of Santa Claus. Merry Christmas!

Santa Claus

Why are you so serious? What's wrong with believing and liking stuff like Santa Claus and magic, even when you're a bit older?

Lee Eul / Ryu Min-hyuk in The Sound of Magic - Season 1 Episode 1

Magic Santa Claus

On Christmas Eve, many years ago, I lay quietly in my bed. I did not rustle the sheets. I breathed slowly and silently. I was listening for a sound I was afraid I'd never hear. The ringing bells of Santa's sleigh.

The Polar Express

Santa Claus

May you never be too grown up to search the skies on Christmas Eve.

Christmas Santa Claus

Truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it ain't goin' away.

Elvis Presley

Truth Sun

The warden threw a party in the county jail
The prison band was there and they began to wail
The band was jumping and the joint began to swing
You should've heard those knocked out jailbirds sing

Let's rock, everybody, let's rock
Everybody in the whole cell block
Was dancing to the Jailhouse Rock

Elvis Presley - Jailhouse Rock, Album: Jailhouse Rock

Find out who you are. And do it on purpose.

Dolly Parton

I'm known for snatching purses and bombing churches
I get more p*ssy on accident then most n*ggas get on purpose

Big L - Da Graveyard

Punchlines Vaginas

They say I'm up and coming, like I'm f*cking in an elevator

Ed Sheeran - You need me but I don't need you

Punchlines

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Dean Martin

Alcohol Funny Quotes

The best Quotes about the Tooth Fairy

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