A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'
I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'
Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!
You might like these Quotes aswell
It is strange with how little notice, good, bad, or indifferent, a man may live and die in London.
I've often thought a blind man could find his way through London simply by gauging the changes in innuendo: mild through Trafalgar Square, less veiled towards the river.
Louis Bayard - Mr. Timothy
I have nothing against Orlando, though you are, of course, far more likely to get shot or robbed there than in London.
I don't miss London much. I find it crowded, vast and difficult to get around. Cabs are incredibly expensive.
London. The beating heart of England.
England is my home. London is my home. New York feels like, if I have to spend a year living in an unfamiliar city, this is a pretty lovely one to spend a year in, but I will be going home at the end of it, certainly.
Fashion needs fresh blood, and London is the most creative place for that.
Look at London or Paris: they're both filthy. You don't get that in Tokyo. The proud residents look after their city.
By seeing London, I have seen as much of life as the world can show.
I love to come to L.A. to visit, and then I like to come to rainy old London because it's home.
In London I feel free; nobody bothers anyone and everyone is free to express themselves.
There's nowhere else like London. Nothing at all, anywhere.
The best creative no longer has to originate in Chicago or London; it will be coming from Stockholm, Tokyo, and Seoul as well.
If you see German soldiers, don't panic. They are here to help.
Donald Tusk (about German soldiers helping with floodings in Poland) - September 2024
I will be casting my vote for Kamala Harris and Tim Walz in the 2024 Presidential Election. I'm voting for Kamala Harris because she fights for the rights and causes I believe need a warrior to champion them.
Taylor Swift - September 2024
Donald Trump was fired by 81 million people. Clearly he is having a very difficult time processing that.
Kamala Harris - September 2024
It's been the honor of my lifetime to serve as your president. I love the job - but I love my country more.
Joe Biden - August 2024
I am sorry on behalf of most, if not close to all, of Australia at this point. I'm sorry about Raygun and that we broke dancing.
Ozzy Man Reviews - August 2024