The best Quotes by Tom Scavo

Lynette: "You think doing laundry is throwing dirty clothes in the hamper and getting clean ones out of the drawer."
Porter: "That's how dad does it?!"
Tom: "O-okay, let's stay on topic!"

Desperate Housewives - Season 7 Episode 15

Mike: "You're kidding. We're playing an actual gig?"
Tom: "In front of people who aren't listening just because I pay their allowance? Well, this is fantastic!"

Desperate Housewives - Season 5 Episode 7

Tom: "Are you as tired as I am?"
Lynette: "More. But I'm tougher, and I complain less."
Tom: "Not when you give birth - and you do that a lot."

Desperate Housewives - Season 3 Episode 16

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The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. And if you hate me, that means you still care.

Bree Van De Kamp in Desperate Housewives - Season 2 Episode 16

Love Hatred Indifference

You should never trust a woman who just had her heart broken. We tend to lie.

Bree Van De Kamp in Desperate Housewives - Season 1 Episode 12

Women Breakup

Human beings are designed for many things, but loneliness isn't one of them.

Mary Alice Young in Desperate Housewives - Season 1 Episode 19

Solitude & Loneliness

We all havee momeents of deespeeration. If we can face them head-on, that's when we find out, how strong we really are.

Mary Alice Young in Desperate Housewives - Season 1 Episode 1

I want him to have what he wants - if it's what I want.

Lynette Scavo in Desperate Housewives - Season 3 Episode 6

Tom's packin'! We're talkin' big, circus big. So big, he can drive in the car pool lane when he's alone. If it falls in the forest, believe me - it makes a sound. The Washington monument looks at it and says, "I want to be you when I grow up!"

Lynette Scavo in Desperate Housewives - Season 7 Episode 9

Penisses

Do you know how bored I was today? I came this close to actually cleaning the house!

Gabrielle Solis in Desperate Housewives - Season 1 Episode 1

Cleaning

There's no bad guys here, there's just people trying to figure things out.

Lynette Scavo in Desperate Housewives - Season 8 Episode 7

Rich and single, I wonder what he looks like - you rarely get the trifecta.

Lynette Scavo in Desperate Housewives - Season 8 Episode 1

Singles & Dating

Baby. Number. Five. An entire basketball team has come out of me, so I'm officially too exhausted to care!

Lynette Scavo in Desperate Housewives - Season 7 Episode 1

Tom: "I never thought you'd want a fifth kid?"
Lynette: "I don't, but I didn't want the first four and they're starting to grow on me!"

Lynette Scavo in Desperate Housewives - Season 3 Episode 7

We've had sex 23 days straight. I've seen more ceiling than Michelangelo!

Lynette Scavo in Desperate Housewives - Season 5 Episode 21

Michelangelo Sex Erotic Quotes

Parker, I'm your mother. Mothers don't lie to their sons. Now go wash your hands or santa's not gonna bring you anything for christmas.

Lynette Scavo in Desperate Housewives - Season 2 Episode 19

Mother Santa Claus Mother & Son

We will find someone - someone who doesn't remember what they were doing the day Lincoln was shot.

Lynette Scavo in Desperate Housewives - Season 2 Episode 15

It's like my grandmother always said: An erect penis doesn't have a conscience.

Gabrielle Solis in Desperate Housewives - Season 1 Episode 1

Sex Penisses

Gabrielle Solis: "I never bragged."
Lynette Scavo: "You once called your face 'proof of God's existence'."

Gabrielle Solis in Desperate Housewives

Gabrielle: "She's Romanian! When your people are being chased into Argentina by angry cossacks, maybe a sparkling toilet isn't that important."
Carlos: "How about you stick to fractions, and I'll teach Juanita geography?"

Carlos Solis in Desperate Housewives - Season 6 Episode 7

Romania

If you lay one finger on Ana, Carlos will knock every tooth out of your mouth, which will make you pretty darn popular in prison!

Gabrielle Solis in Desperate Housewives - Season 6 Episode 4

Prisons

Sister Mary: "Money can't buy happiness."
Gabrielle: "Well, sure it can. That's just a lie we tell poor people to keep 'em from rioting."

Gabrielle Solis in Desperate Housewives

That pine shields my view of the Purcell's backyard, and if you had ever seen Mr. Purcell sunbathe, you'd know exactly what that tree means to me.

Bree Van De Kamp in Desperate Housewives - Season 4 Episode 1

Bree: "Well, the key is to not let them know what you're doing. This requires observation, cunning and manipulation."
Gabrielle: "Isn't it just easier to shut down your hoo-ha until he gives in?"

Gabrielle Solis in Desperate Housewives - Season 5 Episode 23

Julie: "No man has seen you naked in years. Except your doctor."
Susan: "And he retired. I try not to take that personally."

Susan Mayer in Desperate Housewives - Season 1 Episode 8

Singles & Dating

Gabrielle: "How about that? And here I was thinking some guy wants to murder me in my sleep."
Carlos: "The night's still young!"

Carlos Solis in Desperate Housewives - Season 3 Episode 12

Andrew: "Mom...?"
Bree: "Please don't interrupt me while I'm speaking! Now what is it, dear?"
Andrew: "Danielle's upstairs trying to commit suicide. There's no rush, she's not trying that hard..."

Andrew Van de Kamp in Desperate Housewives - Season 3 Episode 5

Bree: "The man's a doctor, for heaven sakes. You've done better than I did."
Orson: "That was a bit of a drive-by."

Orson Hodge in Desperate Housewives - Season 5 Episode 10

If you start deporting every shady looking guy with questionable tattoos, who's gonna go to Jets games?

Jordan Klepper in The Daily Show

New York Jets

One downside of our big brains is we're the only creatures who are aware that death is inevitable. Although, if you lined ten dogs in a row and shot them one by one, the dog on the end would probably get the gist by about dog four.

Philomena Cunk in Cunk On Life - Episode 1

Brain

The best Quotes by Tom Scavo

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