The best Quotes by Tom Haverford

One time my refrigerator stopped working. I didn't know what to do. I just moved.

Parks and Recreation - Season 5 Episode 19

I had to call in a few favors. But if you don't call in favors to look at women in bikinis and assign them numerical grades, what the hell do you call in favors for?

Parks and Recreation

I have never taken the high road. But I tell other people to ‘cause then there's more room for me on the low road.

Parks and Recreation

I'm like an elephant, okay? If I walk into a room, it's like, okay, he's in there.

Parks and Recreation - Season 3 Episode 13

Sometimes you gotta work a little so you can ball a lot.

Parks and Recreation - Season 5 Episode 6

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Jogging is the worst. I know it keeps you healthy, but God, at what cost?

Ann Perkins in Parks and Recreation - Season 4 Episode 7

Sports Jogging

If you don't believe in love, what's the point of living?

Ron Swanson in Parks and Recreation

I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.

Ron Swanson in Parks and Recreation - Season 3 Episode 2

What I hear when I'm being yelled at is people caring really loudly at me.

Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation

I would like a glass of red wine and I'll take the cheapest one you have because I can't tell the difference.

Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation

Wine

I'm big enough to admit that I am often inspired by myself.

Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation

I'm going to tell you a secret about everyone else's job: no one knows what they are doing. Deep down, everyone is just faking it until they figure it out.

April Ludgate in Parks and Recreation

No matter what I do, literally nothing bad can happen to me. I'm like a white, male U.S. Senator.

Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation

Calzones are pointless. They're just pizza that's harder to eat. No one likes them.

Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation

Ugh. I hate talking to people about things.

April Ludgate in Parks and Recreation

I'm allergic to sushi. Every time I eat more than 80 sushis, I barf.

Parks and Recreation

Sushi

The raccoon problem is under control. They have their part of the town and we have ours.

Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation

I don't want to be overdramatic, but today felt like a hundred years in hell and the absolute worst day of my life.

Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation

I stand behind my decision to avoid salad and other disgusting things.

Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation

Salad

Guys love it when you can show them you're better than they are at something they love.

Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation

Halloween is my favorite holiday. It's just the best. And I don't have to work! Hey sl*tty teenage girls dressed as sexy kittens, pump your own stomachs this year!

Ann Perkins in Parks and Recreation

Halloween

There's only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water that is lying about being milk.

Ron Swanson in Parks and Recreation

Milk

Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream, or be nothing.

Ron Swanson in Parks and Recreation

Ice Cream

Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.

Ron Swanson in Parks and Recreation

Vodka Tequila

There has never been a sadness that can't be cured by breakfast food.

Ron Swanson in Parks and Recreation

I wasn't listening but I strongly disagree with Ann.

April Ludgate in Parks and Recreation - Season 4 Episode 21

Time is money; Money is power; Power is pizza; Pizza is knowledge. Let's go!

April Ludgate in Parks and Recreation - Season 6 Episode 10

She's the worst person I've ever met. I want to travel the world with her.

April Ludgate in Parks and Recreation

We have to remember what's important in life: friends, waffles, and work. Or waffles, friends, work. But work has to come third.

Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation

I'm gonna get drunk and then I'm gonna order a three-course meal where each course is made of dessert.

Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation

Everything hurts and I'm dying.

Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation - Season 4 Episode 17

Idaho cut their parks department by 80 percent. And Idaho is basically one giant park.

Parks and Recreation

Idaho

If you start deporting every shady looking guy with questionable tattoos, who's gonna go to Jets games?

Jordan Klepper in The Daily Show

New York Jets

One downside of our big brains is we're the only creatures who are aware that death is inevitable. Although, if you lined ten dogs in a row and shot them one by one, the dog on the end would probably get the gist by about dog four.

Philomena Cunk in Cunk On Life - Episode 1

Brain

The best Quotes by Tom Haverford

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