Quotes by Tom Cashman

You think the attachments to cafe toilet keys are big? Interesting, interesting.
I think they're normal sized.

I wanted to begin chatting to whoever the chess guy was... oh, it's you? What's your favorite opening? I bet it's not a vagina.

If you're wondering where Australia's at culturally, 30 years ago, one of its TV stations decided to play the occasional foreign film.
To this day, the most common joke about that station is you can see tits on there.

The white guys who are really into Japanese culture seem like a trend started by Japan's military.
If in 1945, Japan had said "America we surrender, but one day your grandsons will pleasure themselves to a cartoon octopus", the US troops would've laughed.
Who's laughing now?

Back in the day, if you were watching a video online and words came up on the screen saying, "just wait for it", it was worth waiting for. Something awesome was gonna happen at the end of that video. Now, every second video says, "just wait for it", you get to the end... it's shit. It's underwhelming. Nothing happens. It was not worth waiting for.

By mentioning "quickie" it implies that if you have a quickie you're more likely to die than having a longie. Which just goes to show how serious premature ejaculation is.

Having soft hands doesn't mean I've never done manual labour, it means I do manual labour very carefully.

On your first day in prison, walk straight up to the smallest guy and tell him everything's going to be okay.