The best Quotes by Tom Cashman

You think the attachments to cafe toilet keys are big? Interesting, interesting.
I think they're normal sized.

I wanted to begin chatting to whoever the chess guy was... oh, it's you? What's your favorite opening? I bet it's not a v*gina.

If you're wondering where Australia's at culturally, 30 years ago, one of its TV stations decided to play the occasional foreign film.
To this day, the most common joke about that station is you can see t*ts on there.

The white guys who are really into Japanese culture seem like a trend started by Japan's military.
If in 1945, Japan had said "America we surrender, but one day your grandsons will pleasure themselves to a cartoon octopus", the US troops would've laughed.
Who's laughing now?

Back in the day, if you were watching a video online and words came up on the screen saying, "just wait for it", it was worth waiting for. Something awesome was gonna happen at the end of that video. Now, every second video says, "just wait for it", you get to the end... it's shit. It's underwhelming. Nothing happens. It was not worth waiting for.

By mentioning "quickie" it implies that if you have a quickie you're more likely to die than having a longie. Which just goes to show how serious premature ejac*lation is.

Having soft hands doesn't mean I've never done manual labour, it means I do manual labour very carefully.

On your first day in prison, walk straight up to the smallest guy and tell him everything's going to be okay.

You know how the game of chess is played. Pieces must be sacrificed!

The only opponents who aren't coming up with excuses for being defeated by me are computers.

All that matters on the chessboard is good moves.

Chess is life.

"Checkmate" doesn't mean you've simply cornered the enemy king. It's a declaration that the enemy king is yours.

It was like when you make a move in chess and just as you take your finger off the piece, you see the mistake you've made, and there's this panic because you don't know yet the scale of disaster you've left yourself open to.

Frank: "Why you gotta be such an asshole?"
Lip: "Apple fell where you dropped it."

V: "You always pick p*ssies!"
Fiona: "Well, they are what they eat."

Everyone is shaving their p*ssy. And hipsters these days have beards. So society has the same amount of hair, just on different c*nts.

Play with my p*ssy, but don't play with my emotions

"What are you up to these days? Got a girlfriend?"
Ezra: "No."
"You don't like getting p*ssy?"
Ezra: "Well, hearing the word 'p*ssy' come out of your mouth does make me question whether or not I like it."

Here's to p*ssy and gunpoweder
Live by one, die by the other, love the smell of both

Australia... home of every animal that seems like it should already be extinct.

In order to get cheap accommodation in Australia, we like foreign people to do manual labour for us. Helping feed the cows is very important, they are the future of McDonald's.

Australia... not just the country where Russell Crowe lives, but very much the Russell Crowe of countries.

Here was the chance to provide the leadership the country deserved: positive, modern, rational, appealing to people's hopes rather than their fears.

If you want to develop character, go to Australia.

Wow. Australia! That sounds kind of... far.

1955 Doc Brown: "No wonder this circuit failed. It says, 'Made in Japan'."
1985 Marty: "What do you mean, Doc? All the best stuff is made in Japan!"

In Japan, I was immensely impressed by the politeness, industrious nature and conscientiousness of the Japanese people.

In Japanese, sushi does not mean "raw fish". It means "seasoned rice".

In Japan, there is less a culture of preserving old buildings than in Europe.

I love Japan, and Tokyo is my favorite city.

Crow T. Robot: "It's the nicest weather Earth has ever had!"
Mike Nelson: "Notice how big Japan is?"

I think the Internet has developed at this incredibly rapid pace because of net neutrality, because of the free nature of it, because a YouTube can start the way YouTube started.

I want to make YouTube videos until the day I die, I love this so much.

Morty: "I don't like how meta this is getting, Rick."
Rick: "Shut up, Morty, you're 14. You watch videos of people on YouTube reacting to f*cking YouTube. I'll be the judge of when we get too meta."

The thing that has made YouTube so successful is that you can relate to the people you're watching to a much higher degree than to the people you see on TV.

You know the funny thing is, on the outside I was an honest man, straight as an arrow. I had to come to prison to be a crook.

You know what they do to handsome guy like me in prison. It rhymes with grape.

Only the fittest survive in this concrete jungle.

A man who had lived only one day could easily live for a hundred years in prison. He would have enough memories to keep him from being bored.

A fool is always pleased with what he says, and, besides, he always says more than he needs to.

You don't tell me where that other bomb is, and I'll make sure you spend your prison time on your bigoted hands and knees putting a big smile on some convict's face.

One candidate is too old and mentally unfit to be president. The other one is me.

What do you call an Asian Dwayne Johnson?
The Wok.

I'm paranoid. On my stationary bike, I have a rear view mirror.