The best Quotes from Tom and Jerry

If I heard one more sound, then I'm gonna skin you alive!

You know, son, now that you're grown up, it's time we have a heart to heart talk about the facts of life. First of all, you're a dog. And there's three things dogs are gonna know how to do.
First: a dog's gonna know how to be man's best friend. That comes in two easy positions: the begging position with the big sad, soulful eyes, and the lyin' at the master's feet position also with the big sad, soulful eyes.
Now the second thing that dog has to know is how to bury bones. Why? I don't know. I can never find them, after I bury them. But that's what dogs is supposed to do.
Third, and most important: all dogs gonna know how to chase cats. Which happens to be my specialty.

Son, now you know why dogs hate cats.

Wait a minute p*ssycat, ever since I was a pup, I've wanted a little place of my own, and I still want it. But if one more thing happens to my little dream house.... there's going to be murder!

Your attention please! We interrupt this broadcast to bring you this urgent warning. A white mouse has just escaped from the experimental laboratories! Before escaping, he consumed enough of a new secret explosive to blow up an entire city! If you see this white mouse, telephone officials at once!

One, for the money. Two, for the show. Three to get ready. And four to go!

Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I hope and hope my soul He'll take. Amen.

Hey, you! Whatcha doin' with my bone? Yeah, you! Listen, p*ssycat! If I catch you taking my bone again, there's gonna be trouble! Understand?!

Land sakes! What's going on in here? Why, you overstuffed Pekingese hound, you! Whatcha doin' in here, wrecking up the house?! Get outta here, you pug-nosed old messing good-for-nothing! You know darn well you ain't allowed in the house here.

Listen, p*ssycat, my boy's learning to chase cats and I don't want him to have any trouble, understand? When he starts barking, you start climbing. Is that clear?

Thomas! What's the idea picking on them poor little kittens?! If you don't take good care of them little angels while I'm gone, I'll pulverize you to pieces! You hear me?!

Thomas, if you is a mouse catcher, I'm Lana Turner, which I ain't. The trouble with you is you is gettin' too old to catch mice. So I has decided to bring in a new and younger cat. Step up here and meet a real mouse catcher. Oh, Lightning!

Jasper? Jasper! That no good cat! Just a minute, you good-for-nothing cheap fur coat! Now would you just look, just look at that mess you've made! Now, understand this, Jasper, if you breaks one more thing, you're going out - O-W-T, out! That's clear, ain't it? One more breaking, and you're going out. Now get out of my sight before I gets mad!

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes. A water logged stick will do just fine. A dog doesn't care if you're rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his. How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary?

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

Charlie Brown: "We only live once, Snoopy."
Snoopy: "Wrong! We only die once. We live every day!"

Sometimes, memories sneak out of my eyes and roll down my cheeks.

Clever of me to use my spine to break my fall like that.

I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the ingrown toenail on the foot of crime!

If I wanted the government in my house, I'd buy Alexa.

Kid, I'm a writer that wrote something successful, so if you want me to give it up, you're gonna need a black belt or a big pair of t*ts.

I love life. Yeah, I'm sad, but at the same time, I'm really happy that something could make me feel that sad. It's like... it makes me feel alive, you know. It makes me feel human. The only way I could feel this sad now is if I felt something really good before. So I have to take the bad with the good. So I guess what I'm feeling is like a beautiful sadness.

Do you know what happened to the last people Germans were pissed off at? Tell him, Kyle!

What did you do, comb your hair with an eggbeater?

It takes a strong heart to cry, but it takes a stronger heart to say why.

Averell: "I love exotic food! What do you call this delicious crust around the frijoles?"
Espuelas: "It's called a terracotta bowl, amigo."

Lucky Luke: "I wonder how you manage to read with everything that's going on."
Jolly Jumper: "By turning the pages just like everyone else."

Quagmire: "You got to help me. I'm looking for a little boy with red overalls and a yellow shirt."
French Man: "You are looking to buy or to rent?"
Quagmire: "What? No! God! How is Paris considered a classy city?"
French Man: "The buildings are beautiful, the people are trash."

Chris: "Now you just take that beautiful hair down to the salon, and you'll be a ten."
Stewie: "On a scale of a billion?"

In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of inner strength.

Sometimes life is like this dark tunnel, you can’t always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you just keep moving, you will come to a better place

Patrick: "Is mayonnaise an instrument?"
Squidward Tentacles: "No, Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument. Yes, Patr... No, horseradish is not an instrument either!"

I'm Patrick. My name means "toaster" in Celtic.

Whoa, this is big. I really need some time to drink about this.

Man, after-work drinks taste so much better than instead-of-work drinks.

I'm responsible for my own happiness? I can't even be responsible for my own breakfast!

I feel like my life is just a series of unrelated wacky adventures.

Pinky, you give a whole new meaning to the phrase, "counter-intelligence". You have the I.Q. of plaster.

Brain: "Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
Pinky: "I think so, Brain. But me and Pippi Longstocking... I mean, what would the children look like?"

To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!

My Homer is not a Communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a Communist, but he is NOT a p-rn star!

Guns don't kill people, people kill people! Guns defend people against people with smaller guns.

There's an old German saying: 'Don't blame the fish!' There are other sayings, but they mostly involve genocide...

Animals are my favorite people.