Quote by Tim Allen

Quote by Tim Allen

In my experience, it's all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers.

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My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

You don't know what people are really like until they're under a lot of stress.

Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.

How dare you open a spaceman's helmet on an uncharted planet! My eyeballs could've been sucked from their sockets!

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Come on. Let’s see how much we’re going for on eBay.

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Buzz Lightyear: "Excuse me, I think the word you're searching for is 'Space Ranger'."
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We’re not preschool toys, Slinky. We can read.

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Your'e right, Prospector. I can't stop Andy from growing up... but I wouldn't miss it for the world.

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Rex: "No, no, no, no."
Buzz Lightyear: "Oh, you almost had him."
Rex: "I'm never gonna defeat Zurg!"
Buzz Lightyear: "Sure, you will, Rex. In fact, you're a better Buzz than I am."
Rex: "But look at my little arms! I can't press the 'fire' button and 'jump' at the same time!"

Woody once risked his life to save mine, and I couldn't call myself his friend if I wasn't willing to do the same.

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We have a friend in need, and we will not rest until he's safe in Andy's room.

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I just want you to know that even though you tried to terminate me, revenge is not an idea we promote on my planet.

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There seems to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere.

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Woody: "Hey, Buzz! You're flying."
Buzz Lightyear: "This isn't flying, this is falling with style!"

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Mo: "You got a clean record, and you're free and armed. How are you still complaining?"
Darby: "I got off for good behavior, not good attitude."

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Darby: "You are the last person I wanna be stuck with in a life-and-death situation."
Mo: "Well, you're in luck, okay? 'Cause look around. This is just a 'death' situation!"

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Izzy: "Let's review our objectives!"
Woman: "Kill the robots."
Man: "And don't die."
Woman: "'Don't die' is just something you wanna do every day."

I.V.A.N.: "You failed to reach hyperspeed."
Buzz: "Didn't need to hear that, I.V.A.N."
I.V.A.N.: "You didn't hear that. Oh, I'm sorry. I'll repeat."

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I.V.A.N.: "Mission failure imminent, please record your last words."
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I.V.A.N.: "If you are satisfied with this recording, speak or select one."

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You can leave Denver, but it will never leave you.

Denver is home to me, and to be recognized for my achievements in the sports community here is a great honor.

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Denver Denver Nuggets

They say money can't buy happiness. But it can book your flight to Denver - which is kinda the same.

Every once in a while, it's important to adjust your altitude.

Welcome to colorful Colorado!

You don't need missionaries in Colorado; you got Colorado.

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Colorado - fresh air and fond memories served daily.

For the soul, laughing is what oxygen is for the lungs.

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Laughing & Smile

It's not about the absence of fear. It's overcoming it.

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If there hadn't been women we'd still be squatting in a cave eating raw meat, because we made civilization in order to impress our girlfriends.

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My philosophy is: It's none of my business what people say of me and think of me.

Anthony Hopkins

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My father always said, "Never trust anyone whose TV is bigger than their book shelf" - so I make sure I read.

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We think too much and feel too little.

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If one does not attach himself to people and desires, never shall his heart be broken. But then, does he ever truly live?

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One should judge a man mainly from his depravities. Virtues can be faked. Depravities are real.

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Failures & Mistakes

I'm much more proud of being a father than being an actor.

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I dream of a day where I walk down the street and hear people talk about Morality, Sustainibility and Philoshophy instead of the Kardashians.

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It's easy to fool the eye but it's hard to fool the heart.

I never thought I'd see in my life a black candidate running for President.

Samuel L. Jackson

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You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see. But you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.

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