The best Quotes by Tim Allen

The best Quotes by Tim Allen

Timothy Alan Dick (born June 13, 1953), known professionally as Tim Allen, is an American actor and comedian. He is known for playing Tim "The Toolman" Taylor on the ABC sitcom Home Improvement (1991–1999) for which he won a Golden Globe Award and Mike Baxter on the ABC/Fox sitcom Last Man Standing (2011–2021). He voices Buzz Lightyear for the Toy Story franchise for which he won an Annie Award and played Scott Calvin and Santa Claus in The Santa Clause franchise (1994–present). Allen's other films include Tropical Snow (1988), Galaxy Quest (1999), Joe Somebody (2001), Zoom (2006), Wild Hogs (2007), The Six Wives of Henry Lefay (2009), Crazy on the Outside (2010), 3 Geezers! (2013), and El Camino Christmas (2017).

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

You don't know what people are really like until they're under a lot of stress.

In my experience, it's all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers.

Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.

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How dare you open a spaceman's helmet on an uncharted planet! My eyeballs could've been sucked from their sockets!

Lightyear in Toy Story

1

Come on. Let’s see how much we’re going for on eBay.

Hamm in Toy Story

Buzz Lightyear: "Excuse me, I think the word you're searching for is 'Space Ranger'."
Woody: "The word I'm searching for I can't say, because there's preschool toys present."

Woody in Toy Story

We’re not preschool toys, Slinky. We can read.

Mr. Potato Head in Toy Story

Your'e right, Prospector. I can't stop Andy from growing up... but I wouldn't miss it for the world.

Woody in Toy Story

Rex: "No, no, no, no."
Buzz Lightyear: "Oh, you almost had him."
Rex: "I'm never gonna defeat Zurg!"
Buzz Lightyear: "Sure, you will, Rex. In fact, you're a better Buzz than I am."
Rex: "But look at my little arms! I can't press the 'fire' button and 'jump' at the same time!"

Woody once risked his life to save mine, and I couldn't call myself his friend if I wasn't willing to do the same.

Lightyear in Toy Story

1

We have a friend in need, and we will not rest until he's safe in Andy's room.

Lightyear in Toy Story

I just want you to know that even though you tried to terminate me, revenge is not an idea we promote on my planet.

Lightyear in Toy Story

1

Alien toys: "You have saved our lives. We are eternally grateful."
Mrs. Potato-Head: "You saved their lives? My hero! They're so adorable. Let's adopt them!"
Alien toys: "Daddy!"

There seems to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere.

Lightyear in Toy Story

1

Woody: "Hey, Buzz! You're flying."
Buzz Lightyear: "This isn't flying, this is falling with style!"

Lightyear in Toy Story

1

Mo: "You got a clean record, and you're free and armed. How are you still complaining?"
Darby: "I got off for good behavior, not good attitude."

Darby Steel in Lightyear

Darby: "You are the last person I wanna be stuck with in a life-and-death situation."
Mo: "Well, you're in luck, okay? 'Cause look around. This is just a 'death' situation!"

Mo Morrison in Lightyear

Izzy: "Let's review our objectives!"
Woman: "Kill the robots."
Man: "And don't die."
Woman: "'Don't die' is just something you wanna do every day."

I.V.A.N.: "You failed to reach hyperspeed."
Buzz: "Didn't need to hear that, I.V.A.N."
I.V.A.N.: "You didn't hear that. Oh, I'm sorry. I'll repeat."

I.V.A.N. in Lightyear

I.V.A.N.: "Mission failure imminent, please record your last words."
Buzz: "Not today, I.V.A.N."
I.V.A.N.: "If you are satisfied with this recording, speak or select one."

I.V.A.N. in Lightyear

Buzz Lightyear mission log, stardate 4071. As members of the Elite Universe Protection Unit of the Space Ranger Corps, we've been charged to protect the galaxy from the threat of invasion from any sworn enemies of the Galactic Alliance.

Lightyear in Lightyear

Buzz Lightyear mission log, stardate 3901. Sensors have detected potential life forms on an uncharted planet. So we're making a detour to investigate.

Lightyear in Lightyear

After a full year of being marooned on this planet, our specialized crew have put this planet's vast resources to incredible use. Finally, our first hyperspeed test flight is a go.

Lightyear in Lightyear

You can leave Denver, but it will never leave you.

Denver is home to me, and to be recognized for my achievements in the sports community here is a great honor.

Carmelo Anthony

1

Denver Denver Nuggets

They say money can't buy happiness. But it can book your flight to Denver - which is kinda the same.

Every once in a while, it's important to adjust your altitude.

Welcome to colorful Colorado!

You don't need missionaries in Colorado; you got Colorado.

Trey Parker

Colorado - fresh air and fond memories served daily.

Colorado - Switzerland of America.

Change and stress can make people feel powerless.

Ayaz Kobanbay in Into the Night

Do we have to know who's gay and who's straight? Can't we just love everybody and judge them by the car they drive?

Ellen DeGeneres

7

Tolerance Homosexuality & LGBTQ+Cars

Only those who dare truly live.

(Ferrari)

Advertising Slogans Ferrari

For the soul, laughing is what oxygen is for the lungs.

Louis de Funès

2

Laughing & Smile

It's not about the absence of fear. It's overcoming it.

Emma Watson

4

If there hadn't been women we'd still be squatting in a cave eating raw meat, because we made civilization in order to impress our girlfriends.

Orson Welles

1

My philosophy is: It's none of my business what people say of me and think of me.

Anthony Hopkins

1

Self-Confidence Gossip & Rumors

My father always said, "Never trust anyone whose TV is bigger than their book shelf" - so I make sure I read.

Emilia Clarke

We think too much and feel too little.

Charlie Chaplin

14

Thinking Feelings & Emotions

If one does not attach himself to people and desires, never shall his heart be broken. But then, does he ever truly live?

Jackie Chan

One should judge a man mainly from his depravities. Virtues can be faked. Depravities are real.

Klaus Kinski

1

Failures & Mistakes

I'm much more proud of being a father than being an actor.

Bruce Willis

I dream of a day where I walk down the street and hear people talk about Morality, Sustainibility and Philoshophy instead of the Kardashians.

Keanu Reeves

1

The Kardashians

It's easy to fool the eye but it's hard to fool the heart.

Some a-hole leaks it online and I'm like, you know, looking at the guy in the mirror brushing my teeth, "Dude, what have you done? This could be punishable by law!" But the internet forced the studio to say, "We're gonna make this movie", and 24 hours later, that movie had a green light.

Ryan Reynolds - September 2025

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