My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
Tim AllenYou don't know what people are really like until they're under a lot of stress.
Tim AllenIn my experience, it's all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers.
Tim AllenElectricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
Tim AllenWomen are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
Tim Allen