We home school 'em. I teach the big ones, and the big ones teach the little ones, but nobody taught me, so the whole thing is an exercise in futility.- Cletus Spuckler in The Simpsons, Season 18 Episode 14
If I didn't have this gun, the king of England could walk right in here and start pushing you around.- Homer Simpson in The Simpsons, Season 9 Episode 5Gun-Control
When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power. Like God must feel when he's holding a gun.- Homer Simpson in The Simpsons, Season 9 Episode 5
Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene'.- Homer Simpson in The Simpsons
I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life.
Number 1: 'Cover for me.'
Number 2: 'Oh, good idea, Boss!'
Number 3: 'It was like that when I got here.'
Just because I don't care, doesn't mean I don't understand.- Homer Simpson in The Simpsons
I am so smart, I am so smart! S-M-R-T!- Homer Simpson in The Simpsons, Season 5 Episode 3
Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.- Homer Simpson in The Simpsons, Season 5 Episode 18
If you don't like your job, you don't strike: you just go in every day and do it really half assed. That's the American way.- Homer Simpson in The SimpsonsAmerica
No son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies, and kid's with fake ID's.- Homer Simpson in The Simpsons, Season 8 Episode 10Beer
To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!- Homer Simpson in The Simpsons, Season 8 Episode 18Alcohol
My Homer is not a Communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a Communist, but he is NOT a porn star!- Abraham Simpson in The Simpsons, Season 9 Episode 19