To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!Alcohol, ToastsHomer Simpson in The Simpsons, Season 8 Episode 18
My Homer is not a Communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a Communist, but he is NOT a porn star!Abraham Simpson in The Simpsons, Season 9 Episode 19
If I didn't have this gun, the king of England could walk right in here and start pushing you around.Weapons, NRAHomer Simpson in The Simpsons, Season 9 Episode 5
This is America. Anyone can eat what they want, as long as they eat too much.USA, FoodHomer Simpson in The Simpsons, Season 24 Episode 5
I am so smart, I am so smart! S-M-R-T!Homer Simpson in The Simpsons, Season 5 Episode 3
No son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies, and kids with fake IDs.BeerHomer Simpson in The Simpsons, Season 8 Episode 10
All right, brain. You don't like me and I don't like you, but let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.Alcohol, Beer, BrainHomer Simpson in The Simpsons
This room is like a museum of old, useless crap... by which I mean every museum.MuseumsHomer Simpson in The Simpsons, Season 24 Episode 4
Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.MarriageHomer Simpson in The Simpsons, Season 14 Episode 2
Just because I don't care, doesn't mean I don't understand.Homer Simpson in The Simpsons
Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.Homer Simpson in The Simpsons, Season 5 Episode 18
Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene'.Homer Simpson in The Simpsons
Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.Weddings, MarriageHomer Simpson in The Simpsons
If you don't like your job, you don't strike: you just go in every day and do it really half a-sed. That's the American way.USAHomer Simpson in The Simpsons
America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well… all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!USAHomer Simpson in The Simpsons
Ooh, the Patriot Act is so terrible! The government might find out what library books I take out! What's next, finding out what operas I go to?USA, OperasHomer Simpson in The Simpsons
Homer: "Do you want the job done right or do you want it done fast?"
Marge: "Well, like all Americans… fast!"
Good things don't end with "eum", they end with "mania" or "teria".MuseumsHomer Simpson in The Simpsons
We home school 'em. I teach the big ones, and the big ones teach the little ones, but nobody taught me, so the whole thing is an exercise in futility.Cletus Spuckler in The Simpsons, Season 18 Episode 14
When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power. Like God must feel when he's holding a gun.Homer Simpson in The Simpsons, Season 9 Episode 5
I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life.
Number 1: "Cover for me."
Number 2: "Oh, good idea, Boss!"
Number 3: "It was like that when I got here."