We home school 'em. I teach the big ones, and the big ones teach the little ones, but nobody taught me, so the whole thing is an exercise in futility.Cletus Spuckler in The Simpsons, Season 18 Episode 14
If I didn't have this gun, the king of England could walk right in here and start pushing you around.Gun-ControlHomer Simpson in The Simpsons, Season 9 Episode 5
When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power. Like God must feel when he's holding a gun.Homer Simpson in The Simpsons, Season 9 Episode 5
Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene'.Homer Simpson in The Simpsons
I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life.
Number 1: "Cover for me."
Number 2: "Oh, good idea, Boss!"
Number 3: "It was like that when I got here."
Just because I don't care, doesn't mean I don't understand.Homer Simpson in The Simpsons
I am so smart, I am so smart! S-M-R-T!Homer Simpson in The Simpsons, Season 5 Episode 3
Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.Homer Simpson in The Simpsons, Season 5 Episode 18
If you don't like your job, you don't strike: you just go in every day and do it really half assed. That's the American way.AmericaHomer Simpson in The Simpsons
No son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies, and kid's with fake ID's.BeerHomer Simpson in The Simpsons, Season 8 Episode 10
To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!AlcoholHomer Simpson in The Simpsons, Season 8 Episode 18
My Homer is not a Communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a Communist, but he is NOT a porn star!Abraham Simpson in The Simpsons, Season 9 Episode 19