Quotes from The Completely Made-Up Adventures of Dick Turpin

Quotes from The Completely Made-Up Adventures of Dick Turpin

The Completely Made-Up Adventures of Dick Turpin is a historical comedy television series. It stars Noel Fielding as the title character. It is due to premiere in March 2024 on Apple TV+.

Dick: "We're just as tough as any other gang in here."
Karen: "Here's your peppermint tea, Dick. I put a splash of honey in it, I know you got a scratchy throat."
Season 1
I'm new school, and there's gonna be less violence on my watch. Is there anything that I could've done to improve your highway robbery experience?
Dick Turpin - Season 1
Quick note to my gang. If you were planning a rescue, now would be a good time.
Dick Turpin - Season 1
"One day, I'll be the most famous highwayman in all of England!"
"You are literally about to be hanged, you idiot!"
Season 1
I want this Dick in my hands as soon as possible.
Season 1

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This isn't about good or bad. This is about power. And who is allowed to use it.
Lip: "Hey, whoa. You really think they deserve your hard-earned money for that service?"
Frank: "Dine and dash?"
Lip: "Bite and bolt."
Frank: "Eat it and beat it?"
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What can I say, once you go white, you always stay tight. Hey, I think I just insulted myself.
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Frank: "What did they get you for again?"
"Beat my ex-wife to death with a telephone."
Frank': "Cordless or landline?"
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Been sleeping in this car six years. Pissed, puked, jizzed in it. By law of bodily fluids, it's mine.
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I have red hair, freckles and crooked teeth. I don't need any more character!
Debbie Gallagher in Shameless - Season 3 Episode 10
Debs, we need at least one person in this family to not turn cynical, and my money's been on you.
Phillip Gallagher in Shameless - Season 3 Episode 10
I don't go onto Facebook because I don't give a shit about whose pet just died or who just checked in at the f*cking McDonald's.
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I'm sorry, but no one speaking English as a first language should be doing this job.
Jimmy Lishman in Shameless - Season 3 Episode 8
Seriosly, I don't mean to be an asshole, it's just... genetic.
Fiona Gallagher in Shameless - Season 3 Episode 6
I kind of have no choice. I gotta find Frank. Get him sober and ready to appear in court. He's like my sad-ass Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Fiona Gallagher in Shameless - Season 3 Episode 6
Lanier: "Your body is a temple, Carl, and you only want to put things in it that are natural."
Carl: "Like fists? I saw it in that movie."
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You're like a f*cking cockroach, able to live anywhere and feed off anything.
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Kate: "Fishing? Gonna use your tiny dick as a worm?"
Frank: "I've caught some big whales with this little worm. Yourself included there, Moby."
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You get along a lot better with a weapon and a kind word than a kind word alone.
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Too many Gallaghers in the world already. Instead of passing rubbers out at your school, they should be passing them out at your house.
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Teenagers. They're hormon-soaked brains aren't wired to think about anyone other than themselves.
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Ethel: "One day the entire family will be reunited in the Garden of Eden."
"Oh, like heaven?"
Ethel: "No, it's in Missouri."
"Oh. Eden's got a lot of methheads."
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That's the Gallagher sperm. Ambitious, relentless. Everything we're not once we're born. Like heat-seeking, baby-making missiles. Won't be long before the country's nothing but Mexicans and Gallaghers.
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Frank: "Why you gotta be such an asshole?"
Lip: "Apple fell where you dropped it."
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V: "You always pick p*ssies!"
Fiona: "Well, they are what they eat."
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I'm gonna beat you like a piñata till candy flies out of your ass!
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Clare: "Thank you. God loves you."
Veronica: "Yeah, if that were true, he'd have made me white and rich."
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Every day you wake up breathing, you should be coloring me a note of gratitude that the half of you that came from me wasn't spooged on your mother's neck, but instead was guided by yours truly to get up inside of her to start the life of you.
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Frank: "It's not sex if you can't remember it."
Kev: "Ha. Then you're a virgin, Frank."
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Lip: "You really wanna get your ass shot off in some 'stan somewhere?"
Ian: "'Stan?"
Lip: "Yeah, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iraqistan."
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You just made my boy parts get bigger.
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Sheila: "Now, by sifting we separate and aerate those flour particles to make them absorb liquids better."
Deb: "Someone should sift my dad."
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Frank doesn't have friends, only people he hasn't pissed off yet.
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Karen: "Why do we help people we hate?"
Lip: "I believe we're just taking our cue from American foreign policy."
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I am fed up with these pan-gender hermaphrodites who hate that human beings are a species with two distinct genders. It's like they've declared war on testicles. They wanna remove all the masculinity from the schools, fill the world with yogurt-eaters.
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Oh, Warren, once again proving that Koreans are the Asian Jews.
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We all have our phobias and school is mine. All of it. Textbooks full of falsehoods, teachers unions full of thugs, and tenured imbeciles who still use words like "irregardless".
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Veronica: "What's that smell? It's either vomit or fancy cheese."
Carl: "It can be both if you want."
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Fiona: "Wasn't he drunk when he proposed?"
Veronica: "Yeah, it was like David Hasselhoff video, eating a cheeseburger. YouTube it, it's a car wreck."
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Why are all the news ladies Chinese? They should stick to what they know: railroads, sushi and dim sum.
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Like, up the ass? Do you get used to that? I mean, the whole point of the digestive system is one-way traffic.
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Frank: "Four-month-old baby, 14-year-old girl, 11-year-old Lip, 10-year-old Ian, a 7-year-old, a 5-year-old, and a Dodge Astro van. What's the one thing that we needed? One word. One thing."
Jimmy: "Sterilization."
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I lose respect for guys like Steve, because people unlike Steve, or people diametrically opposite to Steve have always let me down. So deciding that he's overeducated and has more money than sense is somehow more socially acceptable than asking myself, for instance, why do the men I always date treat me like shit?
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My heart would never flutter for those who needlessly hurt others!
Is it okay for a girl to be this strong? I still worry that someone may ask that, as though I'm not human. In my fear, I was suppressing my strength. But not anymore. Leave this to me. I will protect everyone.
Cyclops: "We get this done by working together as a team."
Wolverine: "Geez, Bub. Keep buzzing in my ear."

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