Quotes from The Completely Made-Up Adventures of Dick Turpin

Quotes from The Completely Made-Up Adventures of Dick Turpin

The Completely Made-Up Adventures of Dick Turpin is a historical comedy television series. It stars Noel Fielding as the title character. It is due to premiere in March 2024 on Apple TV+.

Dick: "We're just as tough as any other gang in here."
Karen: "Here's your peppermint tea, Dick. I put a splash of honey in it, I know you got a scratchy throat."
Season 1
I'm new school, and there's gonna be less violence on my watch. Is there anything that I could've done to improve your highway robbery experience?
Dick Turpin - Season 1
Quick note to my gang. If you were planning a rescue, now would be a good time.
Dick Turpin - Season 1
"One day, I'll be the most famous highwayman in all of England!"
"You are literally about to be hanged, you idiot!"
Season 1
I want this Dick in my hands as soon as possible.
Season 1

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My heart would never flutter for those who needlessly hurt others!
Is it okay for a girl to be this strong? I still worry that someone may ask that, as though I'm not human. In my fear, I was suppressing my strength. But not anymore. Leave this to me. I will protect everyone.
Cyclops: "We get this done by working together as a team."
Wolverine: "Geez, Bub. Keep buzzing in my ear."
No matter how dark it is. We must believe in each other.
Storm in X-Men '97 - Season 1
I'm grateful to have the chance to say goodbye. I am proud of you all... my X-Men.
Professor X in X-Men '97 - Season 1
What are days for? Days are where we live. They come, they wake us. Time and time over. They are to be happy in. Where can we live but days?
One Day - Season 1 Episode 1
Griselda: "I heard that you liked my product."
Eddie 'The Bird' Rancon: "Beautiful. Was like shoving a f*cking coca plant up my nose."
Griselda: "Give the size of that thing I bet you have the whole f*cking brick up there."
Griselda Blanco in Griselda - Season 1 Episode 1
Can't you wait till we get inside? Your brother always serves it like an appetizer.
Griselda Blanco in Griselda - Season 1 Episode 1
Look, listen, you need to understand that my business runs on volume, all right? So what am I going to do with one kilo?
Amilcar in Griselda - Season 1 Episode 1
I've seen your type. Nice clothes, walk a little too fast, talk a little too much. You need the work. I respect that.
Griselda Blanco in Griselda - Season 1 Episode 1
Lord Melchett: "Ah, Blackadder, talking to yourself, I see."
Blackadder: "Yes, it's the only way I can be sure of intelligent conversation."
Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder
Mrs M, if we were the last three humans on earth, I would be trying to start a family with Baldrick.
Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder
They do say, Mrs M, that verbal insults hurt more than physical pain. They are, of course, wrong, as you will soon discover when I stick this toasting fork into your head.
Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder
Baldrick, I want you to take this and go out and buy a turkey so large, you'd think its mother had been rogered by an omnibus.
Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder
Baldrick, believe me, eternity in the company of Beelzebub and all his hellish instruments of death will be a picnic compared to five minutes with me - and THIS pencil.
Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder
The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr Brain has long since departed, hasn't he, Percy?
Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder
There hasn't been a war run this badly since Olaf the hairy, King of all the Vikings, ordered 80,000 battle helmets with the horns on the inside.
Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder
He's madder than Mad Jack McMad, the winner of last year's Mr Madman competition.
Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder
Your brain is so minute Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn't be enough to cover a small water biscuit.
Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder
Pitt the Younger: "I intend to put my own brother up as a candidate against you."
Blackadder: "And which Pitt would this be? Pitt the Toddler? Pitt the Embryo? Pitt the Glint in the Milkman's Eye?"
Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder
Lord Flashheart: "Enter the man who has no underwear. Ask me why."
Others: "Why do you have no underwear, Lord Flash?"
Lord Flashheart: "Because the pants haven't been built yet that'll take the job on."
Lord Flashheart in Blackadder
Baldrick: "I have a plan, sir."
Blackadder: "Really, Baldrick? A cunning and subtle one?"
Baldrick: "Yes, sir."
Blackadder: "As cunning as a fox who's just been appointed Professor of Cunning at Oxford University?"
The suspect has his head placed upon a block, and an axe aimed at his neck. If the man is guilty, the axe will bounce off his neck. If the man is not guilty, the axe will simply slice his head off.
Baldrick: "I love my mum."
Blackadder: "And I love chops in sauce but I don't seek their advice."
Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder
Oh, Edmund. I do love it when you get cross. Sometimes I think about having you executed, just to see the expression on your face.
Queenie in Blackadder
Field Marshal Haig is about to make yet another gargantuan effort to move his drinks cabinet six inches closer to Berlin.
Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder
Samuel Johnson: "This book, sir, contains every word in our beloved language."
Blackadder: "Every single one, sir?"
Samuel Johnson: "Every single word, sir."
Blackadder: "Oh, well, in that case, sir, I hope you will not object if I also offer the Doctor my most enthusiastic contrafibularities."
Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder
Baldrick, you wouldn't recognise a subtle plan if it painted itself purple and danced naked on a harpsicord singing "subtle plans are here again".
Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder
Am I jumping the gun, Baldrick, or are the words 'I have a cunning plan' marching with ill-deserved confidence in the direction of this conversation?
Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder
Baldrick, your head is as empty as a eunach's underpants.
Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder
Mrs Miggins: "Don't mind them Mr B, they're just being intellectual."
Blackadder: "There's nothing intellectual about wandering around Italy in a big shirt trying to get laid."
Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder
Am I pleased to see you or did I just put a canoe in my pocket?!
Lord Flashheart in Blackadder
Prince George: "Someone said I had the wit and intellect of a donkey."
Blackadder: "Oh, an absurd suggestion sir. Unless it was a particularly stupid donkey."
Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder
Blackadder: "Criminal record?"
Baldrick: "Absolutely not."
Blackadder: "Oh, come on, Baldrick. You're going to be an MP for God's sake. I'll just put fraud and sexual deviance."
Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder
Percy, far from being a fit consort for a prince of the realm, you would bore the leggings off a village idiot.
Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder
The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own satanic herd.
Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder
Lord Blackadder: "Ah, Melchett! Greetings! I trust Christmas brings you its traditional mix of good food and violent stomach cramp."
Lord Melchett: "And compliments of the season to you, Blackadder. May the Yuletide log slip from your fire and burn your house down."
Mr. Pants: "You've really worked out your banter, haven't you?"
Blackadder: "No, this is a different thing. It's spontaneous and it's called wit."
Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder
Old woman: "The Wise Woman? There are two things you must know about the Wise Woman! First... she is a woman! And second...-"
Blackadder: "She is wise?"
Old woman: "Oh, you do know her then."
Blackadder: "No, just a quick stab in the dark - which is incidentally what you'll be getting if you don't start being more helpful."
Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder
We're in the stickiest situation since Sticky the Stick Insect got stuck on a sticky bun.
Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder
I may have the body of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a concrete elephant.
Queenie in Blackadder
She's got a tongue like an electric eel, and she likes the taste of a man's tonsils.
Lord Flashheart in Blackadder
Connie: "Does he even know you like him?"
Missy: "I don't know. I've ignored him, been mean to him. What else can I do?"
Missy Cooper in Young Sheldon - Season 6 Episode 4
You think you can just buy me with a wink and some cheap booze?! Well, you can!
Husk in Hazbin Hotel - Season 1 Episode 1
Angel Dust: "'I'm a bad man who never got enough hugs. Where's an innocent kid I can sell crack to?' Who wrote this?"
Charlie Morningstar: "It's great, right? Keep going!"

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