The best Quotes from The Big Bang Theory

That's the great thing about California, you can almost go to the mountains and almost go to the beach on the same day.

Leonard Hofstadter - Season 11 Episode 11

Physics answers the question, "What is the nature of the universe?" Geology answers the question, "What'd I just trip over?"

Sheldon Cooper - Season 11 Episode 7

Physics

Marty: "Thanks for going to outer space, so no matter what I do, my mum will be disappointed in me."
Howard: "Well, I married a little catholic girl, so we're even."

Howard Wolowitz - Season 1 Episode 10

Sheldon: "Why do people cry at weddings?"
Mary: "They're practicing for what's coming later."

Mary Cooper - Season 10 Episode 1

This seat is ideally located both in relation to the heat source in the winter and a cross breeze in the summer. It also faces the television at a direct angle allowing me to immerse myself in entertainment or game play without being subjected to conversation. As a result, I've placed it in a state of eternal dibs.

Sheldon Cooper - Season 3 Episode 22

Leonard: "I can't believe you've never seen 'Raiders of the Lost Ark'."
Penny: "And I can't believe you've never read 'Eat, Pray, Love'."
Leonard: "When she comes out with 'Eat, Pray, Run away from a giant boulder', I'll read it."

Leonard Hofstadter - Season 4 Episode 8

Gosh, Amy, I'm sensing a little hostility. Is it maybe because, like Sheldon's work, your sex life is also theoretical?

Bernadette Rostenkowski

Quantum physics makes me so happy. It's like looking at the universe naked.

Sheldon Cooper - Season 5 Episode 20

Universe Physics Quantum Mechanics

'See you in hell Sheldon'? The most frightening thing about that is the missing comma!

Sheldon Cooper - Season 5 Episode 7

Rajesh: "I don't know if I want to play anymore."
Sheldon: "Because you don't have a girlfriend? Well, good Lord, if that becomes a reason not to play Dungeons & Dragons, this game's in serious trouble."

Sheldon Cooper - Season 5 Episode 4

Dungeons & Dragons Pen & Paper

Sheldon: "At my age, do you know how I'm statistically most likely to die?"
Leonard: "At the hands of your roommate?"
Sheldon: "An accident."
Leonard: "That's how I'm going to make it look."

Leonard Hofstadter - Season 4 Episode 2

Sheldon: "I'm quite aware of the way humans usually reproduce, which is messy, unsanitary, and based on living next to you for three years, involves loud and unnecessary appeals to a deity."
Penny: "Oh God!"
Sheldon: "Yes, exactly."

Sheldon Cooper - Season 4 Episode 1

Raj: "Hey, look, I found an iPod!"
Howard: "Smashed beyond repair - what are you going to do with it?"
Raj: "What else? Sell it on ebay as 'slightly used'."

Rajesh Koothrappali - Season 1 Episode 17

eBay

Leonard: "I don't think I can go out with her tonight."
Sheldon: "Then don't."
Leonard: "Other people would say, 'Why not?'"
Sheldon: "Other people might be interested."

Sheldon Cooper - Season 1 Episode 17

Penny: "Leonard isn't the kind of guy I usually go out with."
Sheldon: "Leonard isn't the kind of guy anyone usually goes out with."

Sheldon Cooper - Season 1 Episode 17

Penny: "Yes, I will go out with you."
Leonard: "Really?"
Penny: "Yeah. Why not? I mean, what do I have to lose?"
Leonard: "Yeah. That's the spirit!"

Leonard Hofstadter - Season 1 Episode 17

You can't ruin a friendship with sex. That's like trying to ruin ice cream with chocolate sprinkles

Rajesh Koothrappali - Season 5 Episode 1

Sex Ice Cream

Penny: "What a cute, little store... everybody's staring at me?"
Leonard: "Don't worry, they're more scared of you, than you are of them."

Leonard Hofstadter - Season 2 Episode 20

This physicist goes into an ice cream parlor every week and orders an ice cream sundae for himself, and then offers one to the empty stool sitting next to him. This goes on for a while until the owner finally asks him what he's doing. The man says, "Well, I'm a physicist, and quantum mechanics teaches us, that it is possible for the matter above this stool to spontaneously turn into a beautiful woman who might accept my offer and fall in love with me." The owner then says, "Lots of single, beautiful women come in here ever day. Buy an ice cream for one of them, and they might fall in love with you." And the physicist says, "Yeah, but what are the odds of that happening?!"

Penny - Season 2 Episode 19

Physics Quantum Mechanics

I love the smell of paintballs in the morning.

Rajesh Koothrappali - Season 2 Episode 16

Leonard: "You owe me another two dollars, the price of moo shu pork went up."
Howard: "It's getting tougher and tougher to be a bad Jew."

Howard Wolowitz - Season 2 Episode 14

Judaism Pigs

My expenses account for 46.9% of my after-tax income. The rest is divided up between a small savings account, this deceptive container of peanut brittle and the hollowed-out buttocks of a superhero action figure who shall remain nameless for his own protection... or HER own protection.

Sheldon Cooper - Season 2 Episode 14

Leonard: "Penny's taking you to the DMV, I'm going to bed."
Sheldon: "Why Penny?"
Leonard: "Because rock breaks scissors."

Sheldon Cooper - Season 2 Episode 5

Penny

Howard: "You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin."
Sheldon: "Why?"
Howard: "Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me."

Howard Wolowitz - Season 1 Episode 17

You tell people I'm a rocket scientist? My God! Why don't you just tell them that I'm a toll-taker at the Golden Gate Bridge?

Sheldon Cooper - Season 1 Episode 15

Is it 'cause I'm Jewish? 'Cause I'd kill my rabbi with a pork chop to be with your sister.

Howard Wolowitz - Season 1 Episode 15

Judaism

Howard: "Don't you think I should answer the engineering questions? I am an engineer."
Sheldon: "By that logic I should answer all the anthropology questions because I'm a mammal."

Sheldon Cooper - Season 1 Episode 13

Sheldon: "Well, once, when I was 15, spending the summer at the Heidelberg Institute in Germany."
Penny: "Studying abroad?"
Sheldon: "No. Visiting professor. Anyway, the local cuisine was a little more sausage-based than I'm used to. And the result was an internal Blitzkrieg, with my lower intestine playing the part of Czechoslovakia."

Sheldon Cooper - Season 1 Episode 11

Polen

Leonard: "Sheldon, relax! She doesn't have any symptoms, I'm sure she's not contagious."
Sheldon: "Oh, please! If influenza was only contagious after symptoms appear, it would have died out thousands of years ago. Somewhere between tool using and cave painting, homo habilis would have figured out how to kill the guy with the runny nose."

Sheldon Cooper - Season 1 Episode 11

Penny: "You'll never guess what just happened."
Sheldon: "I don't guess. As a scientist, I reach conclusions based on observation and experimentation. Although it occurs to me, you may have been employing a rhetorical device - rendering my response moot."

Sheldon Cooper - Season 1 Episode 10

She is cheating. No one can be that attractive and this skilled at a video game.

Sheldon Cooper - Season 1 Episode 7

Nerds Video games

Leonard: "The only way we can play teams at this point is if we cut Raj in half."
Rajesh: "Sure, cut the foreigner in half. There's a billion more where he came from."

Rajesh Koothrappali - Season 1 Episode 7

Sheldon: "What are we doing here?"
Leonard: "We're socializing, meeting new people."
Sheldon: "Telepathically?"

Sheldon Cooper - Season 1 Episode 6

Sheldon: "I'm not quite sure. It involves a part of the human experience that has always eluded me."
Leonard: "That narrows it down."

Leonard Hofstadter - Season 1 Episode 4

Oh, gravity, thou art a heartless b*tch!

Sheldon Cooper - Season 1 Episode 2

Gravity

Penny: "You know, it's a Cheesecake Factory... people order cheesecake and I bring it to them."
Leonard: "So you kind of act as like a carbohydrate delivery system?"
Penny: "Yeah, call it whatever you want, I get minimum wage."

Penny - Season 1 Episode 2

We dont need Wolowitz! Engineering is merely the slower younger brother of physics. Watch and learn! Do either of you know how to open the toolbox?

Sheldon Cooper

Penny: "Oh, it's not a date, Leonard. It's just a man and a woman hanging out, not having sex at the end of the night."
Leonard: "Sounds like most of my dates."

Leonard Hofstadter - Season 5 Episode 9

Howard: "Good news, gentlemen - I found our hacker."
Leonard: "Really?"
Howard: "Yeah, no one can hide from me. Not Waldo, not Carmen San Diego, not even topless Natalie Portman."

Howard Wolowitz - Season 4 Episode 19

Natalie Portman

I'm tired of running to the gas station to use the bathroom. The guy makes me buy a Gatorade every time - it's a vicious circle.

Leonard Hofstadter - Season 4 Episode 8

Toilet

Sheldon: "You realize that the technology
that went into this arm, will one day make unskilled food servers, such as yourself, obsolete?"
Penny: "Really? They're gonna make a robot, that spits on your hamburger?"

Penny - Season 4 Episode 1

Howard: "You were acting like an obnoxious, giant dictator."
Rajesh: "I thought we were going to be gentle with him."
Howard: "That's why I added the 'tator'!"

Howard Wolowitz - Season 3 Episode 1

Howard: "Looks like I'm gonna have sex tonight."
Penny: "His right hand is calling him?"

Penny - Season 2 Episode 16

I'm sorry, but I'm not going to watch The Clone Wars TV series, until I've seen The Clone Wars movie. I prefer to let George Lucas disappoint me in the order he intended.

Sheldon Cooper - Season 2 Episode 8

George Lucas Star Wars: The Clone Wars Quotes about Star Wars

Leonard: "I've dated plenty of women. There was Joyce Kim... Leslie Winkle..."
Sheldon: "Notify the editors of the Oxford English Dictionary. The word 'plenty' has been redefined to mean 'two.'"

Sheldon Cooper - Season 2 Episode 2

Leslie Winkle

Leonard: "Sheldon, how could you just sit there and let them spy on me?"
Sheldon: "They were clever, Leonard. They exploited my complete lack of interest in what you were doing."

Sheldon Cooper - Season 2 Episode 1

Leonard: "The key to acquiring proficiency in any task is repetition."
Sheldon: "...with certain obvious exceptions. Suicide for example!"

Sheldon Cooper

Suicide

Penny: "Four years I lived with him! Four years, I mean that's like as long as high school!"
Sheldon: "It took you four years to get through high school?!"

Sheldon Cooper - Season 1 Episode 1

Penny High School

Smart? I'd have to lose 60 IQ points to be classified as smart.

Sheldon Cooper - Season 2 Episode 2

Everybody's got a date. Even you, Mario, going after Princess Peach. And what am I doing? I'm just enabling you.

Sheldon Cooper - Season 2 Episode 2

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Leonard: "For God's sake, Sheldon, do I have to... hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth?"
Sheldon: "You have a sarcasm sign?"

Sheldon Cooper - Season 1 Episode 2

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Oh my god, I'm lying in bed with a beautiful woman who can quote Yoda!

Leonard Hofstadter

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So in your world... you're like the "cool guys".

Penny - Season 1 Episode 13

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Love is not a sprint, it's a marathon. A relentless pursuit that only ends when she falls into your arms - or hits you with the pepper spray.

Howard Wolowitz - Season 1 Episode 3

I came to parenting the way most of us do - knowing nothing and trying to learn everything.

Mayim Bialik

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