The best Quotes for Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is almost here and as soon as people realize how much money they have to spend on holiday gifts, their wallets snap tighter than Kim Kardashian's legs after the wedding check cleared.

I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.

Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.

Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul.

We celebrate a holiday that praises our success at genocide. It's a white celebration of colonization. That's not sadistic enough. We package it up with the image of a happy, smiling turkey. The emblem of the holiday is the animal that we slaughter en masse.

Thanksgiving cuisine is such a delightful symphony of flavor!

There's always something to be thankful for on Thanksgiving. Even if it's just not being a turkey.

May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump
May your potatoes and gravy have nary a lump
May your yams be delicious and your pies take the prize
And may your Thanksgiving dinner stay off your thighs!

I celebrated Thanksgiving the old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

They should change the name of Thanksgiving to something more fitting, like say, Turkeypocalypse.

Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.

The thing I'm most thankful for right now is my elastic waistband.

You can't have a good Thanksgiving meal without a little bit of ketchup on the side.

An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.

I absolutely adore Thanksgiving. It's the only holiday I insist on making myself.

Thanksgiving Day is a good day to recommit our energies to giving thanks and just giving.

People really don't have to give you anything, so appreciate what people give you.

What do Black Friday shoppers and Thanksgiving Turkeys have in common?
Both know how it feels to be stuffed and cramped in narrow spaces.