The best Quotes by Terry Jones

What really alarms me about President Bush's "War on Terrorism" is the grammar. How do you wage war on an abstract noun? How is "Terrorism" going to surrender? It's well known, in philological circles, that it's very hard for abstract nouns to surrender.

We will definitely not burn the Koran, no. Not today, not ever.

The funny thing about history is that we imagine that people didn't laugh in the old days, but of course they did, at stupid things.

I'm cheerfully optimistic about life. Optimism is very important!

I don't think you need religion.

What is meant by: "We mustn't give in to the terrorists"? We gave in to them the moment the first bombs fell on Afghanistan.

You know, I've never thought of myself as a comedian.

They all welcomed me with open arms and immediately put my fears to rest. John Cleese was rather flirty; Michael Palin seemed rather shy; Terry Jones was very jolly; Eric Idle was a tiny bit aloof; Graham Chapman was very polite and Terry Gilliam was very loud and a bit manic.

I loved every minute of Python and owe so much to them.

We're all in our 70s now and even doing 10 shows, with lots of costume changes, is going to be exhausting. And the guys have far more to do than me, obviously. But I have a feeling it might not be the last Python project ever. I wouldn't be surprised if they did another film.

Then there was Michael Palin. Michael is the one who hasn't changed at all. I thought he was - and still is - the cutest of the bunch.

As the first series progressed I found it was John Cleese who I got on best with and who made me laugh the most. He was the one who would change the most during the course of Python.

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.

I think that money spoils most things, once it becomes the primary motivating force.

The Americans all love 'The Holy Grail', and the English all love 'Life Of Brian', and I'm afraid on this one, I side with the English.

No day of my life passes without someone saying the words "Monty Python" to me. It's not bad.

We've discovered that the less we do, the more money we make.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will make me go in a corner and cry by myself for hours.

The Minister of Transport issued this appeal to motorists: Can anyone give him a lift to Leicester?

The human race should just slow down and think about what it is doing.

Contrary to what the politicians and religious leaders would like us to believe, the world won't be made safer by creating barriers between people.

The use of the word "just" by an Australian means that whatever it is you have to do, it will not be easy, as in "Just pull that sword out of the stone" or "Just split that atom."

Once the travel bug bites there is no known antidote, and I know that I shall be happily infected until the end of my life.

I've given up asking questions. l merely float on a tsunami of acceptance of anything life throws at me... and marvel stupidly.

Television and the media are everywhere and they are taking over so powerfully. They don't shut up for a second. So you are unable to think.

I don't do drugs. I've got enough bizarre chemicals floating around in my head. I'm just naturally like this.

Because I dislike being quoted I lie almost constantly when talking about my work.

There are many people in the country today who, through no fault of their own, are sane. Some of them were born sane. Some of them became sane later in their lives.

We don't deliberately set out to offend. Unless we feel it's justified.

I hope I will have achieved something lasting.

You know, Python should have won a Grammy for our musical work on the show.

There's one thing that every terrorist knows: fear is the most effective explosive.

We need to ask who is the enemy, and the enemies are terrorists.

Not all Muslims are terrorists, but almost all terrorists are Muslims.

Historians from England will say I am a liar, but history is written by those who have hanged heroes.

Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it.

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.

The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

The US government can't waste billions of dollars just blowing things up in the vague hope that it'll somehow turn into a success, unless of course those things are Iraq or Afghanistan. So SpaceX began with a big gamble.

Watching 40 million people fall into chaos in Afghanistan because there's no electricity and no financial system - that can't be the strategy of the international community.

Comedians are really writers who don't have pens and pencils about them, but they riff.

I've experienced plenty of times when something I think is funny doesn't do very well. And there are times when something I don't think is funny makes the audience laugh so hard.

You know, you come from nothing, you're going back to nothing. What have you lost? Nothing!

Frenchman: "You empty-headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"
Sir Galahad: "Is there someone else up there we can talk to?"
Frenchman: "No! Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!"

Ah, I see you have the machine that goes "ping!". This is my favourite. You see, we lease this back from the company we sold it to - that way it comes under the monthly current budget and not the capital account.

We find your American beer like making love in a canoe. It's f-ing close to water.

What's brown and sounds like a bell? Dung!

One candidate is too old and mentally unfit to be president. The other one is me.