The best Quotes by Stewie Griffin

The best Quotes by Stewie Griffin

Stewart Gilligan "Stewie" Griffin is a fictional character from the animated television series Family Guy. He is voiced by the series creator Seth MacFarlane.

Chris: "Now you just take that beautiful hair down to the salon, and you'll be a ten."
Stewie: "On a scale of a billion?"
Family Guy - Season 17 Episode 13
My God, it's finally happened. He's become so massive he's collapsed into himself like a neutron star.
Family Guy - Season 2 Episode 17
1
You're the worst thing to happen to musical theater since Andrew Lloyd Webber.
Family Guy - Season 2 Episode 7
1
Brian: "Hey Stewie, how do ya not know about trick-or-treating?!"
Stewie: "How do YOU not know that your reflection on your mirror is not another dog?"
Ouh, that's gotta hurt worse than getting a birthday telegram from Zin├ędine Zidane.
If you cooked any more slowly, you wouldn't need an egg timer; you'd need an egg calendar.

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Quagmire: "You got to help me. I'm looking for a little boy with red overalls and a yellow shirt."
French Man: "You are looking to buy or to rent?"
Quagmire: "What? No! God! How is Paris considered a classy city?"
French Man: "The buildings are beautiful, the people are trash."
Peter: "How can I be a DJ? I'm just a guy with a laptop and an inflated self-image."
Quagmire: "Trust me, you're perfect!"
Glenn Quagmire in Family Guy - Season 15 Episode 12
How come you Eastern European guys can't be quiter in p*rnos? I mean, nobody has ever been like, 'yeah, yeah, more guy noises!'
Glenn Quagmire in Family Guy - Season 15 Episode 10
Kidnapper: "You guys watch the main cabin, I will find them. I'll take that fat guy as a human shield."
Peter: "Oh, nice, last guy picked for dodgeball, first guy for human shield."
Peter Griffin in Family Guy - Season 15 Episode 10
'Okay, nobody move!"
Cleveland: "Oh my god, those guys in first class have guns."
Peter: "Cleveland, just be happy with what you have. Don't envy people!"
Peter Griffin in Family Guy - Season 15 Episode 10
1
Peter: "Well, I got the results of your ultrasound and I got some news for ya."
Pregnant Woman: "Wait, wait, wait, we don't wanna if it's a boy or a girl."
Peter: "Oh, okay. Well, IT's not breathing."
Peter Griffin in Family Guy - Season 14 Episode 2
Lois: "You're drunk again!"
Peter: "No, I'm just exhausted 'cause I've been up all night drinking."
Peter Griffin in Family Guy - Season 2 Episode 20
1
Lois: "Oh, my God! You can only play the piano when you're drunk!"
Peter: "That's not true! I can also vomit, fall down and make dirty calls to your sister when I'm drunk!"
Peter Griffin in Family Guy - Season 2 Episode 20
1
Chris, this is a big day for you. Today you become the man of the house, because when we get home, your mother is going to kill me.
Peter Griffin in Family Guy - Season 1 Episode 3
I've got an idea. An idea so smart that my head would explode, if I even began to know what I'm talking about.
Lois: "Why should I get my tubes tied? You should get a vasectomy!"
Peter: "First, I don't know what that is. And two, no freakin' way."
Peter Griffin in Family Guy - Season 4 Episode 22
Lois: "I think I'm pregnant."
Peter: "Oh, are you sure it's yours?"
Peter Griffin in Family Guy - Season 4 Episode 22
Lois, men aren't fat. Only fat women are fat.
Peter Griffin in Family Guy - Season 4 Episode 22
Boy, fat sex is the best sex we've ever had! Last night there were so many boobs I didn't know who's boobs I was grabbin'.
Peter Griffin in Family Guy - Season 4 Episode 22
Peter: "I hope you're not pregnant, we can't afford another kid. We already got Chris, Stewie, Richie, Joanie, Greg, Marsha, Bobby, Jan, Mike Seaver, Carol Seaver, Boner, Urkel, Mr. Furley..."
Brian: "Peter those aren't your kids. That's the Nick-At-Night lineup."
Peter: "...Blanka, Zangief, Chun-Li, Guile, E. Honda..."
Brian: "That's Street Fighters!"
Peter: "...red, blue, green..."
Brian: "Those are colors!"
Peter Griffin in Family Guy - Season 4 Episode 22
Lois: "You've never even had a boyfriend more than a few weeks."
Meg: "I have two, remember when I dated the Count?"
Count Count: "One nipple. Two nipples. Three nip- oh, hell no! I'm outta here!"
The resistance to science is idiotic.
I can't believe I am hosting the Oscars. It's an honor everyone else said no.
1
If something is shocking without being funny it's hard to justify.
I'm wide open to getting married, but actors are not easy people to date. You end up sharing that person with this other mistress that is their career. I very much like the traditional courtship method of making a date. That's what they do in normal places, but Hollywood's not normal.
'The Brady Bunch' asks nothing of you as a viewer. Sometimes is just what the doctor ordered.
"The Phantom of the Opera" is about love. It's as simple as that.
What strikes me is that there's a very fine line between success and failure. Just one ingredient can make the difference.
People like to put you into a box. I'm afraid I don't sit in a box.
Together, we can nurture the talent of the future and bring the empowering force of music and the arts to a new generation.
Real Madrid is the most important thing that happened to me, both as a footballer and as a person.
Life is full of regrets, but it doesn't pay to look back.
Sometimes words are harder than blows.
They're exhausting to inflate, they scare the shit out of you when they pop, and uninflated they just look like a pile of clown-condoms.
John Oliver in Last Week Tonight - Boeing

Related pages to Stewie Griffin

Family GuySeth MacFarlaneAndrew Lloyd WebberZinedine ZidanePeter GriffinGlenn QuagmireMeg GriffinThe best Series QuotesSeries-Quotes