The best Quotes by Steve Harvey

People say that money changes people. It really doesn't. Money don't change people. Money allows you to be more of who you really are. If you're a kind person when you get a lot of money, you become a kinder person. If you're an a-shole when you get a lot of money, you become a big a-shole. When you see rich people acting like a-sholes it's 'cause they've always been one.

February 2021

Money

Harvey: "You gonna sit up here on national TV and say 'nekkid', and then point at the damn board like we gonna let you get away with it!"
Contestant: "I bet you said 'nekkid' in one of your comedy routines."
Harvey: "You on Family Feud! This ain't a comedy routine!"

Family Feud

Harvey: "When people talk about the big one, what do they refer to?"
Contestant: "A man's privates."
Harvey: "Family! I just got this job! What are you trying to do?"

Family Feud

Welcome to Family Feud! I'm your man Steve Harvey; we got another good one for you today.

Family Feud

Hi, folks. Over the summer, we've lost a beloved member of Family Feud, Richard Dawson, the original host of our show. Richard served as a panelist on Match Game, of which became an inspiration for the Feud. We would like to take a moment to remember him as a great man, who made our show an institution. Our thoughts and prayers go out to his family and friends. We will miss you, Richard. We sure will.

Family Feud - 2012

Richard Dawson

God lets you be successful because he trusts you that you will do the right thing with it. Now, does he get disappointed often? All the time, because people get there and they forget how they got it.

I don't want to be 60 years old standing on stage telling some jokes. I want my life to mean something.

A person has to remember that the road to success is always under construction. You have to get that through your head. That it is not easy becoming successful.

Comedians walk out, get a feel for the crowd. If it's not going good, we change directions. If we got to drag your momma into this thing, we will. Whatever we got to do.

Comedians

I'm a comedian first. I've learned how to act. I just draw on life experiences and that's how I've learned. I didn't take classes or anything. I don't need no classroom.

Comedians

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Karn: "Name a famous astronaut."
Contestant: "Neil Young."

Family Feud

Neil Young

Dawson: "Name one of the Three Bears."
Air Force Captain: "Yogi."
Dawson: "This man's flying airplanes for us!"

Richard Dawson in Family Feud

Combs: "We asked 100 women, name something women borrow from each other."
Contestant: "One another's husbands."

Family Feud

Combs: "Name a famous game show host who would make a great talk show host."
Contestant: "Well, Richard... uh, I mean Ray...-"
Combs: "You can call me Richard. Besides, he hosted the very same show I'm hosting now!"

Ray Combs in Family Feud

Dawson: "Name one of Santa's reindeer."
Contestant: "Adolf. "

Family Feud

Dawson: "Real or fictional, name a famous 'Willie'."
Contestant: "Willie the Pooh?"

Family Feud

Dawson: "Name a popular Halloween costume."
Contestant: "Santa Claus."

Family Feud

Dawson: "During what months of pregnancy does a woman begin to look pregnant?"
Contestant: "September."

Family Feud

This is a family show, so both families never agreed not to be able to behave, like they're at home.

Louie Anderson in Family Feud - 1999

Ladies and gentlemen, we would like to remember a former host of Family Feud, Ray Combs. We lost Ray back in '96, but he'll be in our memory forever. He was also known for his humor, and was very loyal to our viewers. While Ray won't be around for this revival of the Feud, we will remember him for being part of our family, and we will miss him.

Louie Anderson in Family Feud - 1999

Ray Combs

I have been studying all of the great CBS shows. I think I'm prepared, so if you're ready, let's have the first item up for bids! Wait a minute! That's the wrong show!

Ray Combs in Family Feud - 1988

What's the difference between Virginia and West Virginia?
In Virginia, Moosehead is a beer. In West Virginia it's a misdemeanor.

Virginia West Virginia

They say money can't buy happiness, but it can buy a flight to West Virginia - and that's pretty much the same thing.

West Virginia

Thank you, and welcome to Family Feud. That's where two typical American families fight it out for family honor, and a little spending money for the relatives. If I look happy tonight, I am. I just got the oil drilling rights to Jack Lord's hair!

Richard Dawson in Family Feud - 1975

Comedians are really writers who don't have pens and pencils about them, but they riff.

Carl Reiner

Comedians

I've experienced plenty of times when something I think is funny doesn't do very well. And there are times when something I don't think is funny makes the audience laugh so hard.

Carrot Top

Comedians

Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.

Will Rogers

Politicians Comedians

As much money and life as you could want! The two things most human beings would choose above all - the trouble is, humans do have a knack of choosing precisely those things that are worst for them.

Albus Dumbledore in Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

Greed Humanity Money

Kim Jong-un is very isolated in his own country. He's the only obese person in North Korea.

Olaf Schubert in heute-show - heute-show vom 08.09.2017

Kim Jong Un North Korea

One of the main differences between Munich and Berlin is that when thousands of people get drunk in silly clothes and start vomitting, we don't call it "Oktoberfest", we call it "Tuesday".

Felix Lobrecht

Berlin Munich Oktoberfest

To never be sick can't be healthy.

Karl Valentin

Illness & Sickness

A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.

Ricky Gervais

Atheism Santa Claus Hölle

Life is so damn short. For f's sake, just do what makes you happy!

Bill Murray

Life

Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day... make a wish and think of me.

Robin Williams

Shooting Stars

This is the end of Wladimir Putin.

Jan Böhmermann - February 2022

Vladimir Putin Russia-Ukraine War

Life is too short to worry about what others say about you. Have fun and give them something to talk about.

Kevin Hart

Gossip & Rumors

Spotify, the app with the entire history of recorded music that you only use to listen to four songs that you liked in high school.

Trevor Noah in The Daily Show - The Truth Behind Music Streaming

Spotify

Where I'm from? A little town called none of yo god damn business.

Dave Chappelle

The last person that was excited about a check with Donald Trump's name on it was Stormy Daniels.

Oliver Welke in heute-show - Sendung vom 24.04.2020

Donald Trump Corona-Jokes

Anyone who tells you fatherhood is the greatest thing that can happen to you, they are understating it.

Mike Myers

Fathers

Some a-hole leaks it online and I'm like, you know, looking at the guy in the mirror brushing my teeth, "Dude, what have you done? This could be punishable by law!" But the internet forced the studio to say, "We're gonna make this movie", and 24 hours later, that movie had a green light.

Ryan Reynolds - September 2025

Deadpool

The best Quotes by Steve Harvey

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