Guns don't kill people, people kill people! Guns defend people against people with smaller guns.Gun-ControlStan Smith in American Dad!, Season 1 Episode 14
Gummi Bears?! He replaced my bullets with Gummi Bears from the mini bar... that's gonna cost me $7!Stan Smith in American Dad!, Season 10 Episode 11
Roger: "I once survived four days in a Del Taco parking lot extracting life-saving nutrients from puddles and bird shit."
Steve: "Why didn't you just go into the Del Taco?"
Roger: "I'm a Taco Bell man."
Doctors are stupid, Roger. They're just failed dentists.Stan Smith in American Dad!
When I joined the CIA, I knew the deal. If we make a mistake, we cover it up. Like the time Dick accidentally created feline AIDS and we covered it up by blaming it on gay cats.Stan Smith in American Dad!, Season 11 Episode 20
Hello, Bill Gates? Turns out I’m the richest guy in the world, because I have an adoring wife and a loving family.
Hello, UNICEF? Yes, I’d like to donate some of my immense riches. What’s that? Children are still starving in Africa because wife love is worthless to you? What an odd policy!
I guess I just picked a whole bouquet of oopsie-daisies.Stan Smith in American Dad!
Ah, saturday afternoon TV. Where the sneaky networks hide all the good shows.Stan Smith in American Dad!
Boil water? What, am I a chemist?Stan Smith in American Dad!, Season 1 Episode 18
The new Pixar movie, Clothes. It’s about the secret lives of clothes. John Ratzenberger plays a tie.Stan Smith in American Dad!