The best Quotes by Stan Laurel

Don't ask me why people laugh - that is the mystery of it all.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again!

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

Humor is the truth; wit is an exaggeration of the truth.

I don't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with Charles Chaplin.

Another fine mess you've gotten me into.

California has officially announced that jaywalking is now no longer a crime. So congratulations to the Californians who like walking places. This is great news for the six of you.

New Mexico. It's another state. I mean, it's like California, just less traffic.

We all have our little faults. Mine's in California.

All creative people should be required to leave California for three months every year.

Helsinki may not be as cold as you make it out to be, but California is still a lot nicer. I don't remember the last time I couldn't walk around in shorts all day.

The apparent ease of California life is an illusion, and those who believe the illusion real live here in only the most temporary way.

Things are tough all over, cupcake. An' it rains on the just an' the unjust alike... except in California.

I read the Life magazine articles about free love and free dope in California. At age 20 I drove to Los Angeles.

That's the great thing about California, you can almost go to the mountains and almost go to the beach on the same day.

You know what's remarkable? That England looks in no way like Southern California.

It's the edge of the world
And all of Western civilization
The sun may rise in the east
At least it's settled in a final location
It's understood that Hollywood sells Californication

I drank when I was pregnant with you, you turned out fine. There's everybody saying 'don't drink, don't smoke'. I swear - Texas is turning into California.

In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.

They say money can't buy happiness, but it can buy a flight to California - and that's pretty much the same thing.

We think too much and feel too little.

I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down.

Who feeds a hungry animal, feeds his own soul.

A man's true character comes out when he's drunk.

I should like to help everyone, if possible, Jew, gentile, black man, white. We all want to help one another. Human beings are like that. We want to live by each other's happiness -- not by each other's misery. We don't want to hate and despise one another.
In this world there is room for everyone. And the good earth is rich and can provide for everyone. The way of life can be free and beautiful, but we have lost the way. Greed has poisoned men's souls, has barricaded the world with hate, has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed. We have developed speed, but we have shut ourselves in. Machinery that gives abundance has left us in want. Our knowledge has made us cynical. Our cleverness, hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery we need humanity. More than cleverness we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost.
The aeroplane and the radio have brought us closer together. The very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in men, cries out for universal brotherhood, for the unity of us all. Even now my voice is reaching millions throughout the world -- millions of despairing men, women and little children -- victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people. To those who can hear me, I say -- do not despair. The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed -- the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress. The hate of men will pass, and dictators die, and the power they took from the people will return to the people and so long as men die, liberty will never perish.
Soldiers! Don't give yourselves to brutes -- men who despise you -- enslave you -- who regiment your lives -- tell you what to do -- what to think or what to feel! Who drill you, diet you, treat you like cattle, use you as cannon fodder. Don't give yourselves to these unnatural men -- machine men with machine minds and machine hearts! You are not machines! You are not cattle! You are men! You have the love of humanity in your hearts. You don't hate! Only the unloved hate -- the unloved and the unnatural!
Soldiers! Don't fight for slavery! Fight for liberty! In the 17th Chapter of St. Luke it is written: 'the Kingdom of God is within man' -- not one man nor a group of men, but in all men! In you! You, the people have the power -- the power to create machines. The power to create happiness! You, the people, have the power to make this life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure.
Then, in the name of democracy, let us use that power! Let us all unite! Let us fight for a new world, a decent world that will give men a chance to work, that will give youth the future and old age a security. By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power, but they lie! They do not fulfill their promise; they never will. Dictators free themselves, but they enslave the people! Now, let us fight to fulfill that promise! Let us fight to free the world, to do away with national barriers, to do away with greed, with hate and intolerance. Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men's happiness.
Soldiers! In the name of democracy, let us all unite!

You have to believe in yourself, that's the secret. Even when I was in the orphanage, when I was roaming the street trying to find enough to eat, even then I thought of myself as the greatest actor in the world.

I don't believe that the public knows what it wants; this is the conclusion that I have drawn from my career.

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world - not even our troubles.

To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it!

A tramp, a gentleman, a poet, a dreamer, a lonely fellow, always hopeful of romance and adventure.

I hope we shall abolish war and settle all differences at the conference table.
I hope we shall abolish all hydrogen and atom bombs before they abolish us first.

I have no further use for America. I wouldn't go back there if Jesus Christ was President.

If you can't laugh at yourself, life is going to seem a whole lot longer than you'd like.

He who can make people laugh has to be taken seriously; all people with power know that.

If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.

Nonsense wakes up the brain cells. And it helps develop a sense of humor, which is awfully important in this day and age.

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

If you see German soldiers, don't panic. They are here to help.

I will be casting my vote for Kamala Harris and Tim Walz in the 2024 Presidential Election. I'm voting for Kamala Harris because she fights for the rights and causes I believe need a warrior to champion them.

Donald Trump was fired by 81 million people. Clearly he is having a very difficult time processing that.