The best Quotes by Spike Milligan

I'm not afraid of dying I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

May 8th 1943. Deluge. The rain not only fell mainly on the plain in Spain; it also fell mainly on the back of the bloody neck, dripping down the spine into the socks where it came out of the lace-holes in the boots.

As much money and life as you could want! The two things most human beings would choose above all - the trouble is, humans do have a knack of choosing precisely those things that are worst for them.

If you lose money you lose much,
If you lose friends you lose more,
If you lose faith you lose all.

No amount of money ever bought a second of time.

Money is numbers and numbers never end. If it takes money to be happy, your search for happiness will never end.

Making money isn't hard in itself. What's hard is to earn it doing something worth devoting one's life to.

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

Who needs wealth when you can make a woman laugh?

I don't know what's better gettin' laid or gettin' paid.

After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true.

Finance is a gun. Politics is knowing when to pull the trigger.

Money is the McMansion in Sarasota, that starts falling apart after ten years. Power is the old stone building that stands for centuries.

You aren't wealthy until you have something money can't buy.

Money isn't real, George. It doesn't matter! It only seems like it does.

There are people who have money and people who are rich.

I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.

Making money is art and working is art and good business is the best art.

There is only one boss. The customer. And he can fire everybody in the company from the chairman on down, simply by spending his money somewhere else.

Time is more value than money. You can get more money, but you cannot get more time.

Money is not the only answer, but it makes a difference.

Money will come and go. We all know that. The most important thing in life will always be the people in this room. Right here, right now.

There's no death for those who don't fear it.

Death is so close, always, a breath away, so perhaps it was wise to introduce children to that concept at an early age.

Have you no hope at all? And do you really live with the thought that when you die, you die, and nothing remains?" "Yes," I said.

For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity.

It's odd, isn't it? People die everyday and the world goes on like nothing happened.

We figure out what death means when we're born, practically, and we live our whole lives in some kind of weird denial about it.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

What happens after you die? Lots of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you.

The great tragedy of life is not that men perish, but that they cease to love.

It's not the pace of life I mind. It's the sudden stop at the end.

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.

Wealth is a nightmare. With each coveted thing we buy, we lose a thing we dream about.

If your only goal is to become rich, you will never achieve it.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

I don't care what anyone says. Being rich is a good thing.

If you were born poor, it's not your mistake.
But if you die poor, it's your mistake.

If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have, that money cannot buy.

You are a wealthy man now. One must learn to be rich. To be poor, anyone can manage

Fear of death increases in exact proportion to increase in wealth.

Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn't matter to me. Going to bed at night saying we've done something wonderful, that's what matters to me.

If you see German soldiers, don't panic. They are here to help.

I will be casting my vote for Kamala Harris and Tim Walz in the 2024 Presidential Election. I'm voting for Kamala Harris because she fights for the rights and causes I believe need a warrior to champion them.

Donald Trump was fired by 81 million people. Clearly he is having a very difficult time processing that.

It's been the honor of my lifetime to serve as your president. I love the job - but I love my country more.

I am sorry on behalf of most, if not close to all, of Australia at this point. I'm sorry about Raygun and that we broke dancing.