Quotes from South Park

Quotes from South Park
Quotes 1 to 50 of 621 of 22 of 2

Do you know what love is, Scott? I'll tell you one thing, it's not the happy ending that Disney movies promised us. There's no 'happily ever after'. There's just work and anger and pain and more work, and then, every once in a while, a little bit of fun.

- Eric Cartman in South Park, Season 23 Episode 9

Well yeah, and I'm sad. But at the same time, I'm really happy that something can make me feel that sad. It's like, it makes me feel alive. You know? It makes me feel human. The only way I can feel this sad now, is if I felt something really good before. So I have to take the bad with the good. So I guess what I'm feeling is like a beautfiul sadness.

- Butters Stotch in South Park, Season 7 Episode 14Breakup & Lovesick, Grief

Mr Garrison: 'What is 5x2? Come on, children. Don't be shy, just give it your best shot. Yes, Clyde?'
Clyde: '12?'
Mr Garrison: 'Okay, now let's try to get an answer from someone who's not a complete retard.'

- Mr. Garrison in South Park

Wilson Aubry: 'You victimize innocent people and poop in little girls' mouths.'
Eric Cartman: 'That's not true, Wilson. We're Coon and Friends, not Harvey Weinstein.'

- Eric Cartman in South Park, Season 21 Episode 42017

A blowjob isn't with your mouth, it's with your heart. Now get on your knees and put that heart to work.

- Randy Marsh in South Park, Season 15 Episode 11

Gerald Broflovski: 'Well that does it, I'm going to the police!'
Stan: 'For what?'
Gerald Broflovski: 'To find out where Apple is keeping my son.'
Stan: 'Dude, when the police want to know where somebody is, they ask Apple!'

- Stan Marsh in South Park, Season 15 Episode 1Apple

When a chick says we need to talk, you might as well start punching yourself in the balls, dude.

- Eric Cartman in South Park, Season 14 Episode 10

Randy: 'Can't you see that if we fall to New Jersey, California is next?'
Schwarzenegger: 'No, because Utah is between Colorado and California.'
Randy: 'Fine. Well, when Utah gets taken over by New Jersey, then who's next?'
Schwarzenegger: 'Nevada.'
Randy: 'Oh really? Okay Mr. 'I'm Awesome at Geography'!'

- Randy Marsh in South Park, Season 14 Episode 9

Towelie had a girlfriend he really liked. Then she got pregnant and had a little wash cloth.

- in South Park, Season 14 Episode 7

[Playing Chatroulette with Kyle] This is the way the world works, if you want to find some quality friends you have to wade through all the dicks fist.

- Eric Cartman in South Park, Season 14 Episode 4Friendship

Is that something I'd want to do? Is the Pope Catholic and making the world safe for pedophiles?

- Eric Cartman in South Park, Season 14 Episode 3

Mr. Stotch: 'Butters, away from the window, you're being grounded.'
Butters: 'Sorry dad. I was just being the voice of a generation.'

- Butters Stotch in South Park, Season 14 Episode 2

Do you know what happened to the last people Germans were pissed off at? Tell him, Kyle!

- Eric Cartman in South Park, Season 15 Episode 2

Stan: 'Dude,it actually wasn't a dolphin and a whale who bombed hiroshima, it was the...'
Cartman: 'Dude, they won't rest until whoever is responsible is completely wiped out!'

- Eric Cartman in South Park, Season Season 13 Episode 11

Stan: 'Rings that say they not gonna have sex or doing anything naughty anymore.'
Butters: 'A ring that says you'll be together but not have sex... isn't that called the wedding ring?'

- Butters Stotch in South Park, Season 13 Episode 1

Statistically speaking, the most bacteria-ridden place on the planet is the mouth of an American woman.

- Eric Cartman in South Park, Season 13 Episode 1

Cartman: 'Went to sleep in my mom's car in the garage with the engine turned on.'
Stan: 'You didn't die?'
Cartman: 'Freakin' hybrids, man. They just don't do the trick anymore.'

- Eric Cartman in South Park, Season 12 Episode 13

Haven't Luke Skywalker and Santa Claus affected your lives more than most real people in this room? I mean, whether Jesus is real or not, he's had a bigger impact on the world than any of us have. And the same could be said of Bugs Bunny... and Superman and Harry Potter. They've changed my life, changed the way I act on the Earth. Doesn't that make them kind of real?

- Kyle Broflovski in South Park, Season 11 Episode 12Faith, Imagination

Terrorist: 'America had other enemies before the Muslims, you know? Who is America's oldest enemy?'
Cartman: 'The Russians?'
Terrorist: 'Before that!'
Cartman: 'The Germans?'
Terrorist: 'Before that.'
Cartman: 'The Germans again?'

- Eric Cartman in South Park, Season 11 Episode 4

The only way to fight hate is with even more hate!

- Eric Cartman in South Park, Season 9 Episode 11

I love life. Yeah, I'm sad, but at the same time, I'm really happy that something could make me feel that sad. It's like... it makes me feel alive, you know. It makes me feel human. The only way I could feel this sad now is if I felt something really good before. So I have to take the bad with the good. So I guess what I'm feeling is like a beautiful sadness.

- in South Park, Season 7 Episode 14Life, Breakup & Lovesick, Grief

Cartman: 'Have you seen this trick? When someone's sleeping, you can take a glass of warm water, and when you put their hand in it...'
Stan: 'And then what?'
Cartman: '...and then you pee on them!'
Kyle: 'No, dude! You're supposed to put their hand in warm water to make THEM pee!'
Cartman: 'Really? Oh well.'

- Eric Cartman in South Park, Season 6 Episode 2

I can't lose weight, Butters, because I'm not fat, I'm big-boned. You can't slim down bones, stupid!

- Eric Cartman in South Park, Season 6 Episode 1

Officer Barbrady, let's pretend for one second that we had a competent law enforcement officer in this town. What would he do?

- Mayor McDaniels in South Park, Season 2 Episode 2

Cartman: 'I'm not the one walking around all day like Pippi Longstocking.'
Stan: 'Well, at least my mom isn't on the cover of Crack Whore magazine.'

- Stan Marsh in South Park, Season 1 Episode 7

Ready, Ike? Kick the baby!

- Kyle Broflovski in South Park, Season 1 Episode 1

Stan: 'I know what did cause the flood.'
Kyle: 'George Bush?'
Stan: 'No!'
Kyle: 'Terrorists?'
Stan: 'No!'
Kyle: 'Communists?'
Stan: 'Nein!'
Kyle: 'Chinese radicals'
Stan: 'Nein!'
Kyle: 'Cartman?'
Stan: 'Sort of...'

- Kyle Broflovski in South Park, Season 9 Episode 8

Stan: 'Dude, I wonder where Kyle is.'
Cartman: 'Maybe he caught a disease and died, that'd be so awesome.'
Stan: 'Dude that's not funny, you shouldn't joke about that.'
Cartman: 'Who's joking?'

- Eric Cartman in South Park, Season 7 Episode 11

Mr. Garrison: 'Then maybe you can tell me who was in charge of the feminist movement of the early sixties.'
Eric Cartman: 'A bunch of fat old skanks on their periods?'
Mr. Garrison: 'Right, but who was the fattest oldest skank on her period?'

- Mr. Garrison in South Park, Season 7 Episode 5

Teacher: 'You think art is not important?'
Stan: 'Well, art is just kinda for gaywads.'
Butters: 'I love our class!'
Stan: 'See?!'

- Stan Marsh in South Park, Season 7 Episode 2

Chefkoch: 'Well, if you want him to get really fat as fast as possible, one of you will have to marry him.'
Stan: 'Marry him?'
Chefkoch: 'It definitely worked for every woman i ever met.'

- Chef in South Park, Season 6 Episode 2

What's the matter, you got some sand in your vagina?

- Eric Cartman in South Park, Season 5 Episode 2

But, years from now, when you're old and have children of your own, what would you give to come back and fight this one day? This one day, where you could have made a difference. Where you could've told Scott Tenorman: 'You may take our pride, but you will never take my god damn $16.12!'

- Eric Cartman in South Park, Season 5 Episode 1

Stan: 'Dude, we don't have any musical talent.'
Cartman: 'That didn't stop any of the other boy bands, dumbass!'

- Eric Cartman in South Park, Season 4 Episode 9

Mr. Garrison: 'Oh, for Pete's sake! What've you bastards done now?!'
Cartman: 'Hey! That was Kyle that went number two in urinal!'
Kyle: 'No, it wasn't, fatass... I saw you do it!'

- Kyle Broflovski in South Park, Season 3 Episode 13

We're trying to find the Brown Noise, it's this one pitch, this certain frequency, that makes people loose bowel control.

- Eric Cartman in South Park, Season 3 Episode 17

Chefkoch: 'Why 'oh oh'?'
Gerald Brovlovski: 'Chef, that's Johnny Cochran. He's the one that got O.J. off.'
Chefkoch: 'Oh oh...'

- Chef in South Park, Season 2 Episode 14

Officer Barbrady: 'Well just as soon as I handle all the other crime in South Park, I'm gonna go with you to the planetarium, so I can prove that nothing's wrong.'
Stan: 'What other crime in South Park?'
Officer Barbrady: 'Oh yeah... let's go.'

- Officer Barbrady in South Park, Season 2 Episode 11

Stuart McCormick: 'We don't have a Nintendo, we got a calico-vision plugged into the black and white TV.'
Kyle: 'Oh my god, this is like a third world country.'

- Kyle Broflovski in South Park, Season 2 Episode 10

Kyle: 'It's Mr. Hanky! I think he's in some kind of trouble.'
Stan: 'Dude, how do you tell if a piece of poo is in trouble?'

- Stan Marsh in South Park, Season 2 Episode 9

Everything's legal in Mexico, it's the American way.

- Uncle Jimbo in South Park, Season 2 Episode 8Mexico

A summer without fireworks sucks ass.

- Stan Marsh in South Park, Season 2 Episode 8

If you so much as touch Kitty's ass, I'll put firecrackers in your nut sack, and blow your balls all over your pants!

- Eric Cartman in South Park, Season 2 Episode 8

Kyle: 'Scary monsters don't eat big, fat, smelly bitches.'
Mrs. Crabtree: 'What did you say?!'
Kyle: 'I said, Larry King won't grant me 3 wishes!'

- Kyle Broflovski in South Park, Season 2 Episode 7

This is all I'm going to say about drugs: Stay away from them! There's a time and a place for everything and it's called college.

- Chef in South Park, Season 2 Episode 4Drugs, College

Stan: 'We're not getting on, you ugly bitch!'
Ms. Crabtree: 'What did you say?!'
Stan: 'I said, we're not getting on, you ugly bitch!'
Ms. Crabtree: 'Oh, all right then.'
Kyle: 'Woah, dude.''
Stan: 'I always wondered if that would work.'

- Stan Marsh in South Park, Season Season 1 Episode 13

Stan: 'Oh, my God, they killed Kenny.'
Kyle: 'You bastards!'

- Kyle Broflovski in South Park

Stan: 'What the hell are you doing?'
Cartman: 'My mom said lesbians lick carpet.'

- Eric Cartman in South Park, Season 1 Episode 11

Cartman: 'I sneaked around my mom's closet and saw what I'm getting: the Ultra Vibe Pleasure 2000.'
Stan: 'What's that?'
Cartman: 'I don't know, but it sounds sweet.'

- Eric Cartman in South Park, Season 1 Episode 9

Woah, that is one fudged-up little cracker!

- Chef in South Park, Season 1 Episode 10

Characters from South Park