The best Quotes by Sheldon Cooper

Leonard: "For God's sake, Sheldon, do I have to... hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth?"
Sheldon: "You have a sarcasm sign?"

The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 2

Sarcasm

Leonard: "I've dated plenty of women. There was Joyce Kim... Leslie Winkle..."
Sheldon: "Notify the editors of the Oxford English Dictionary. The word 'plenty' has been redefined to mean 'two.'"

The Big Bang Theory - Season 2 Episode 2

Leslie Winkle

Oh, gravity, thou art a heartless b*tch!

The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 2

Gravity

Leonard: "The key to acquiring proficiency in any task is repetition."
Sheldon: "...with certain obvious exceptions. Suicide for example!"

The Big Bang Theory

Suicide

Quantum physics makes me so happy. It's like looking at the universe naked.

The Big Bang Theory - Season 5 Episode 20

Universe Physics Quantum Mechanics

'See you in hell Sheldon'? The most frightening thing about that is the missing comma!

The Big Bang Theory - Season 5 Episode 7

Sheldon: "I'm quite aware of the way humans usually reproduce, which is messy, unsanitary, and based on living next to you for three years, involves loud and unnecessary appeals to a deity."
Penny: "Oh God!"
Sheldon: "Yes, exactly."

The Big Bang Theory - Season 4 Episode 1

You're asking me to use my superior intellect in a tawdry competition. Would you ask Picasso to play Pictionary? Would you ask Noah Webster to play Boggle? Would you ask Jacques Cousteau to play Go Fish?

The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 13

Intelligence

We dont need Wolowitz! Engineering is merely the slower younger brother of physics. Watch and learn! Do either of you know how to open the toolbox?

The Big Bang Theory

Sheldon: "You do understand that our efforts here will in no way increase the odds of having sexual congress with this woman?"
Leonard: "Men do things for women without expecting sex."
Sheldon: "Those would be men who just had sex."

The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 2

Sex

Howard: "Don't you think I should answer the engineering questions? I am an engineer."
Sheldon: "By that logic I should answer all the anthropology questions because I'm a mammal."

The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 13

She is cheating. No one can be that attractive and this skilled at a video game.

The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 7

Nerds Video games

Penny: "Four years I lived with him! Four years, I mean that's like as long as high school!"
Sheldon: "It took you four years to get through high school?!"

The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 1

Penny High School

Rajesh: "I don't know if I want to play anymore."
Sheldon: "Because you don't have a girlfriend? Well, good Lord, if that becomes a reason not to play Dungeons & Dragons, this game's in serious trouble."

The Big Bang Theory - Season 5 Episode 4

Dungeons & Dragons Pen & Paper

Leonard: "I don't think I can go out with her tonight."
Sheldon: "Then don't."
Leonard: "Other people would say, 'Why not?'"
Sheldon: "Other people might be interested."

The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 17

Leonard: "Penny's taking you to the DMV, I'm going to bed."
Sheldon: "Why Penny?"
Leonard: "Because rock breaks scissors."

The Big Bang Theory - Season 2 Episode 5

Penny

Sheldon: "Well, once, when I was 15, spending the summer at the Heidelberg Institute in Germany."
Penny: "Studying abroad?"
Sheldon: "No. Visiting professor. Anyway, the local cuisine was a little more sausage-based than I'm used to. And the result was an internal Blitzkrieg, with my lower intestine playing the part of Czechoslovakia."

The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 11

Polen

Leonard: "Sheldon, relax! She doesn't have any symptoms, I'm sure she's not contagious."
Sheldon: "Oh, please! If influenza was only contagious after symptoms appear, it would have died out thousands of years ago. Somewhere between tool using and cave painting, homo habilis would have figured out how to kill the guy with the runny nose."

The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 11

Penny: "You'll never guess what just happened."
Sheldon: "I don't guess. As a scientist, I reach conclusions based on observation and experimentation. Although it occurs to me, you may have been employing a rhetorical device - rendering my response moot."

The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 10

Smart? I'd have to lose 60 IQ points to be classified as smart.

The Big Bang Theory - Season 2 Episode 2

Everybody's got a date. Even you, Mario, going after Princess Peach. And what am I doing? I'm just enabling you.

The Big Bang Theory - Season 2 Episode 2

Well, at least now you can retrieve the black box from the twisted, smoldering wreckage that was once your fantasy of dating her and analyze the data so you don't crash into Geek Mountain again.

The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 3

Leonard: "Well, do you have any ideas?"
Sheldon: "Yeah, but they all involve a Green Lantern and a power ring."

The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 2

Green Lantern

Penny: "Leonard isn't the kind of guy I usually go out with."
Sheldon: "Leonard isn't the kind of guy anyone usually goes out with."

The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 17

My expenses account for 46.9% of my after-tax income. The rest is divided up between a small savings account, this deceptive container of peanut brittle and the hollowed-out buttocks of a superhero action figure who shall remain nameless for his own protection... or HER own protection.

The Big Bang Theory - Season 2 Episode 14

Sheldon: "What are we doing here?"
Leonard: "We're socializing, meeting new people."
Sheldon: "Telepathically?"

The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 6

I'm sorry, but I'm not going to watch The Clone Wars TV series, until I've seen The Clone Wars movie. I prefer to let George Lucas disappoint me in the order he intended.

The Big Bang Theory - Season 2 Episode 8

George Lucas Star Wars: The Clone Wars Quotes about Star Wars

I've spent the past three-and-a-half years staring at greaseboards full of equations; before that, I spent four years working on my thesis; before that, I was in college, and before that... I was in the fifth grade.

The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 4

College

You tell people I'm a rocket scientist? My God! Why don't you just tell them that I'm a toll-taker at the Golden Gate Bridge?

The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 15

Leonard: "Sheldon, how could you just sit there and let them spy on me?"
Sheldon: "They were clever, Leonard. They exploited my complete lack of interest in what you were doing."

The Big Bang Theory - Season 2 Episode 1

If you have time to lean, you have time to clean.

The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 2

This seat is ideally located both in relation to the heat source in the winter and a cross breeze in the summer. It also faces the television at a direct angle allowing me to immerse myself in entertainment or game play without being subjected to conversation. As a result, I've placed it in a state of eternal dibs.

The Big Bang Theory - Season 3 Episode 22

Physics answers the question, "What is the nature of the universe?" Geology answers the question, "What'd I just trip over?"

The Big Bang Theory - Season 11 Episode 7

Physics

I actually enjoyed being alone, solitude allowed me to think about important things.

Young Sheldon - Season 1 Episode 2

Solitude & Loneliness

Of course, nobody I knew in East-Texas in 1989 cared about Newtonian Physics. The only Newtons they cared about were Wayne and Fig.

Young Sheldon - Season 1 Episode 1

Texas

Butterflies are just worms that can chase you.

Young Sheldon - Season 4 Episode 7

Butterflies

Sweat is the urine of the skin.

Young Sheldon - Season 4 Episode 3

Sweating Skin

The average American consumes 55 pounds of beef per year. And then there's Texas, where we can knock that off in a couple of months. Maybe faster if we're talking about smoked brisket.

Young Sheldon - Season 1 Episode 7

Texas

George: "Everybody knows you pun on fourth down."
Sheldon: "Why does everybody knowing something make it right?"
George: "Because... that's what makes this country great."
Sheldon: "Many years later, my brother would use the same argument in front of a judge. He was still convicted for urinating in a phone booth."

Young Sheldon - Season 1 Episode 5

I don't need a calculator, dad. I am one.

Young Sheldon - Season 1 Episode 5

In Texas, the holy trinity is God, Football and barbecue. Not necessarily in that order.

Young Sheldon - Season 1 Episode 5

Texas

Science fact: Sisters are the worst.

Young Sheldon - Season 1 Episode 2

Sisters

Jane Goodall had to go to Africa to study the apes. I just had to go to dinner.

Young Sheldon - Season 1 Episode 1

Jane Goodall Monkeys & Apes

Engineering - where the semi-skilled laborers execute the vision of those who think and dream. Hello Oompa-Loompas of science!

The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 12

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That's the great thing about California, you can almost go to the mountains and almost go to the beach on the same day.

Leonard Hofstadter in The Big Bang Theory - Season 11 Episode 11

California

Marty: "Thanks for going to outer space, so no matter what I do, my mum will be disappointed in me."
Howard: "Well, I married a little catholic girl, so we're even."

Howard Wolowitz in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 10

Sheldon: "Why do people cry at weddings?"
Mary: "They're practicing for what's coming later."

Mary Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 10 Episode 1

Connie: "Does he even know you like him?"
Missy: "I don't know. I've ignored him, been mean to him. What else can I do?"

Missy Cooper in Young Sheldon - Season 6 Episode 4

Coffee is to wake up, coffee is to work with, coffee is to live with, coffee is life.

Jim Parsons

Coffee

This physicist goes into an ice cream parlor every week and orders an ice cream sundae for himself, and then offers one to the empty stool sitting next to him. This goes on for a while until the owner finally asks him what he's doing. The man says, "Well, I'm a physicist, and quantum mechanics teaches us, that it is possible for the matter above this stool to spontaneously turn into a beautiful woman who might accept my offer and fall in love with me." The owner then says, "Lots of single, beautiful women come in here ever day. Buy an ice cream for one of them, and they might fall in love with you." And the physicist says, "Yeah, but what are the odds of that happening?!"

Penny in The Big Bang Theory - Season 2 Episode 19

Physics Quantum Mechanics

The best Quotes by Sheldon Cooper

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