I have two ambitions in life: one is to drink every pub dry, the other is to sleep with every woman on earth.
AlcoholOliver ReedI know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
Alcohol, Enjoying, Smoking, Funny QuotesJohnny CarsonSome people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.
Men & WomenRita RudnerMen who are too good looking are never good in bed because they never had to be.
BeautySarah Jessica ParkerSex without love is merely healthy exercise.
Robert A. HeinleinAmanda: "Sex makes everything more complicated. Even not having it, because the not having it makes it complicated."
Graham: "That's why it's better to have it... some say."
I don’t make love. I fuck... hard.
E.L. James in Fifty Shades of GreyAbstinence is a healthy choice, that many teens will make. Either by choice, or, as I can attest, by circumstance.
YouthJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight, Sex EducationWhen choosing sexual partners, remember: talent is not sexually transmittable.
Tina FeyThe conversation between your fingers and someone else's skin. This is the most important discussion you can ever have.
Iain ThomasIf you want more sex, just ask for it.
Damon Salvatore in The Vampire DiariesSex is more exciting on the screen and between the pages than between the sheets.
Andy WarholSex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
Woody AllenWe've had sex 23 days straight. I've seen more ceiling than Michelangelo!
Lynette Scavo in Desperate Housewives, Season 5 Episode 21We live in a world where losing your iPhone is more dramatic than losing your virginity.
Society@WillyFerrellIt's like my grandmother always said: An erect penis doesn't have a conscience.
Gabrielle Solis in Desperate Housewives, Season 1 Episode 1Orgasms don't send you Valentine's cards and don't hold your hand in a sad movie.
Valentine's DayCharlotte York in Sex And The City, Season 2 Episode 4Sex is not a time to chat. It's one of the few instances in my overly articulated, exceedingly verbal life, where it is perfectly appropriate, if not preferable, to shut up.
Miranda Hobbes in Sex And The City, Season 2 Episode 2No wonder the city never sleeps, it's too busy trying to get laid.
New York CityCarrie Bradshaw in Sex And The City, Season 1 Episode 11Samantha: "I think it's sad the way she's using a child to validate her existence."
Carrie: "Exactly. Why can't she just use sex and a nice cocktail like the rest of us?"
Samantha: "Threesomes are huge right now, they're the blow job of the '90s."
Charlotte: "What was the blow job of the '80s?"
Samantha: "Anal sex."
Brokers give investment advice. Architects - design advice. Single people give married friends tidbits from their sexual escapades.
Singles & DatingCarrie Bradshaw in Sex And The City, Season 1 Episode 3You know, it has been 17 days since I've 'enjoyed' you. And I assume it's been months since you've enjoyed me.
Doug Heffernan in King of Queens, Season 1 Episode 1I'm sorry, but the fact that the sexual pleasure center of your cerebral cortex has been over-stimulated by spirochetes is a poor basis for a relationship.
RelationshipsGregory House in Dr. House, Season 1 Episode 8Tell a man: 'I hate you' - you'II have the best sex of your Iife. But tell him: 'I Iove you' - you'II probably never see him again.
Men, Singles & DatingSamantha Jones in Sex And The City, Season 2 Episode 10Discouraging premarital sex is against my religion.
Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 12Love is the answer. But while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
LoveWoody AllenTalking to a woman that you have already had sex with, is like changing the oil on a rental car!
Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 3 Episode 14I don't feel so good. It's like my testicals mixed poprocks and soda.
Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, Season 1 Episode 14Sheldon: "You do understand that our efforts here will in no way increase the odds of having sexual congress with this woman?"
Leonard: "Men do things for women without expecting sex."
Sheldon: "Those would be men who just had sex."
Don't do drugs, don't have unprotected sex, don't be violent... leave that to me.
Violence, DrugsEminemI am not 'with' Nora. Wrong Preposition! Later tonight I'm hoping to be 'on' Nora, right? Or 'under' Nora. Am I right? Or, we're all adults, so I'll just say it: 'behind' Nora.
Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 6 Episode 18Sex now, we'll do the foreplay after.
Lily Aldrin in How I Met Your Mother, Season 6 Episode 17Oh, this dress is totally going to get me laid on my wedding night.
Lily Aldrin in How I Met Your Mother, Season 1 Episode 16Caus' you see, for me, sex is a sport, like racquetball. Play hard for half an hour, work up a sweat and hope you don't get hit in the eye.
Perry Cox in Scrubs, Season 2 Episode 2Ted, the only reason to wait a month for sex is if the girl is 17 years and 11 months old.
Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 1 Episode 14