George: 'She calls me up at my office. She says, 'We have to talk.''
Jerry: 'Ugh. The four worst words in the English language.'
George: 'That or 'Whose bra is this?''
Jerry: 'That’s worse.'
Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you gotta rock it back and forth a few times and then it goes over.Jerome Seinfeld in Seinfeld
Why is nice bad? What kind of a sick society are we living in when nice is bad?George Costanza in Seinfeld
I spend so much time trying to get their clothes off, I never thought of taking mine off.George Costanza in Seinfeld
Women don’t respect salad eaters.Jerome Seinfeld in Seinfeld
Borrowing money from a friend is like having sex. It just completely changes the relationship.MoneyGeorge Costanza in Seinfeld
This woman hates me so much, I’m starting to like her.George Costanza in Seinfeld
George: 'Why do they make the condom packets so hard to open?'
Jerry: 'Probably to give the woman a chance to change her mind.'
Mr. Peterman: 'Elaine, can you keep a secret?'
Elaine: 'No sir, I can't.'
George: 'You’re gonna over-dry your laundry.'
Jerry: 'You can’t over-dry.'
George: 'Why not?'
Jerry: 'Same reason you can’t over-wet.'
George: 'You’ve got to apologize.'
George: 'Because it’s the mature and adult thing to do.'
Jerry: 'How does that affect me?'
I’m not a lesbian. I hate men, but I’m not a lesbian.Elaine Benes in Seinfeld
That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.ChristmasJerome Seinfeld in Seinfeld
I have a bad feeling that whenever a lesbian looks at me they think 'That’s why I’m not a heterosexual.'George Costanza in Seinfeld