Helping someone move is like oral sex. You do it once and they owe you for life.Funny Quotes, MovingJordan Sullivan in Scrubs
Sometimes in life when you get what you want, you end up missing what you left behind.Sorrow, SatisfactionJ.D. in Scrubs
J.D.: 'It's beautiful. But my parents are killing me, if I marry a black guy.'
You just have to remember, that even if things are changing all around you, deep down you're still the same person.ChangeJ.D. in Scrubs, Season 8 Episode 9
I grew up on the street. No, not the hood. The Sesame Street.StreetJ.D. in Scrubs, Season 8 Episode 5
Because often when you do it, it makes you happy. Things have a way of working out.J.D. in Scrubs, Season 8 Episode 4
J.D.: 'What's wrong with me?'
Dr. Cox: 'You're an annoying, whining man-child.'
J.D.: 'That question wasn't directed to you!'
Dr. Cox: 'What question?'
Elliot: 'I'm notifying all my old boyfriends today that I'm officially off the market.'
Dr. Cox: 'I'm sure the 'pulse' setting on your shower head will be devastated!'
I've been reading up on this whole Iraq war situation. You know what's so messed up? I just got to the power President Bush gave his 'mission accomplished'-speech on a battleship, and I still got 400 more pages to go.J.D. in Scrubs, Season 6 Episode 7
I started an 'I hate Cox'-chatroom. Hasn't worked out the way I planned. It's me, two interns and 14,000 lesbians.Elliot Reid in Scrubs, Season 5 Episode 22
Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy.Bob Kelso in Scrubs, Season 4 Episode 20
Bob Kelso: 'If there is one thing I have learned, it's that you can't schedule love.'
Dr. Cox: 'I think your credit card statement would beg to differ.'
Have you ever had a thought, that you didn't immediately verbalize?Perry Cox in Scrubs, Season 4 Episode 8
J.D.: 'Well how would you feel if I hooked up with one of your siblings?'
Elliot: 'A little confused considering I have four brothers.'
Turk: 'Eight seconds! Is that a new record, baby?'
Carla: 'That depends, what are we talking about?'
Sometimes you just have to do what's right for your friend. Even if it means sacrificing your own happiness. When it comes down to it, you just have to be proud of the decision you make.J.D. in Scrubs, Season 3 Episode 19
God, my brilliance is now becoming a bit of a burden. Get back to me!Perry Cox in Scrubs, Season 3 Episode 17
I don't believe in fate. I believe we have more control than we think and that every action has a reaction. After all, the most minor event, even a butterfly flapping its wings, can change everything.J.D. in Scrubs, Season 3 Episode 16
In the end, the most important thing to accept is that - no matter how alone you feel, how painful it may be - with the help of those around you, you'll get through this too.J.D. in Scrubs, Season 3 Episode 14
About a year ago, Jordan said she wanted to 'crash for a while'. Now my office is a nursery, my closet is my office, my clothes are in the entertainment center, and my TV is in the john - which I guess is kind of nice, I don't even know anymore.Perry Cox in Scrubs, Season 3 Episode 10
Turk: 'Dude, what's the rule about white boys dancing in public?'
J.D.: 'Not allowed unless you're gay.'
Elliot: 'I am through taking my clothes off in front of men!'
Dr. Kelso: 'I think I can speak for all of us when I say: we'll live.'
J.D.: 'When one person dies, another person gets a chance to live. I like to call it the circle of life.'
Dr. Cox: 'Oh, my God, you must stop
watching The Lion King.'
J.D.: 'I like that baby lion cub... what's his name?'
Dr. Cox: 'Uhm, Simba.'
J.D.: 'Trick question - you like it too!'
Elliot: 'My life is a mess.'
J.D.: 'At least you're pretty.'
Elliot: 'Pretty don't pay the rent.'
Carla: 'It does for my sister.'
Elliot: 'Your sister's a prostitute?'
Carla: 'She's a model! Come on, we talked about thinking before we speak.'
It's hard to face a harsh truth about yourself. The only thing you can do, is try to take positive steps.J.D. in Scrubs, Season 2 Episode 9
Dr. Cox: 'You going there, chief?'
Bob Kelso: 'No. If I wanted to make small talk over low-grade beef, I'd have dinner at home.'
Julie: 'It has minimal side effects, only nausea, impotence, and anal leakage.'
Dr. Cox: 'I'm getting two out of three from the conversation.'
Dr. Kelso: 'Next time, if you're not here in 30 minutes, I expect a free dead body or some garlic knots.'
Turk: 'Dr Kelso, that's extremely insensitive.'
Dr. Kelso: 'I don't think so. Miss Parker, you care to weigh in? Nope, she's fine with it. She knows a thing or two. Except, of course, that a yellow light means to slow down.'
If you're worried about people seeing your ass, do what all the other girls do and tie a sweater around your waist.Perry Cox in Scrubs, Season 2 Episode 5
Elliot: 'I'm not hiding, I was just looking for my... you know, the... I was looking for my dignity.'
J.D.: 'Did you find it?'
Elliot: 'No. I must've left it at college.'
It's about the day I realised, that admitting we're not heroic, is when we're the most heroic of all.HerosJ.D. in Scrubs, Season 1 Episode 23
Did Santa finally bring you that Y-chromosome you always wanted?Perry Cox in Scrubs, Season 1 Episode 11
Elliot: 'Are you sexually active?'
J.D.: 'It's active.'
Elliot: 'I'll write 'rare dry spell' in the margin.'
Maybe it's not about being the best. Maybe it's about finding little things, that get you through the day. Whether it's the support of someone close to you, or letting yourself feel overwhelmed - if only for a moment.Small ThingsJ.D. in Scrubs, Season 1 Episode 7
Should I talk slower or get a nurse who speaks fluent Moron?Perry Cox in Scrubs, Season 1 Episode 5
Carla, I have a six-month old child, I'm gonna be one of those weird old guys who brings my son down to the park, where everybody is like, 'Hmm, is he the dad, is he the grandad, is he the grandad's grandad and oh my God, why is he pushing a traffic cone on the swing while his five-year old little boy is in the mud crying? Is--is he taunting the little boy? No! He can't even see the little boy, and, now look: he's actually taking the traffic cone, putting it in the minivan and driving away while the little boy cries and the traffic cone sits quietly and watches Finding Nemo on DVD.'Perry Cox in Scrubs, Season 3 Episode 8
There comes a time when every man needs to make a choice, whether it's a professional choice or whether it's a personal choice. In the end, it's about integrity, and it's about chasing after what you really want, even if that means showing you both care a little. And sometimes... well, sometimes you just have to do what's right for your friend, even if it means sacrificing your own happiness. When it comes down to it, you just have to be proud of the decision you make.DecisionsJ.D. in Scrubs, Season 3 Episode 19
Well, that, and a little medical boondoggle I have to go to in Cleveland. And by medical boondoggle I mean golf-weekend. And by Cleveland I mean Hawaii. Anyway, I have to go catch my bus to the airport. And by bus I mean helicopter.Bob Kelso in Scrubs, Season 2 Episode 19
The truth is, it's all of your memories, the joyful ones and the heartbreaking ones, that make up who you are as a person.MemoriesJ.D. in Scrubs, Season 6 Episode 11
Either way, when you hit that low point, you have a choice. You can either wallow in self-pity, or you can suck it up. It's your call.J.D. in Scrubs, Season 1 Episode 23
Couples who are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but the big difference is they don't let it take them down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time. If it's right, and they're real lucky, one of them will say something.RelationshipsPerry Cox in Scrubs, Season 1 Episode 15
Because even if it breaks your heart to be 'just friends'... if you really care about someone, you'll take the hit.Friendship, Breakup & LovesickJ.D. in Scrubs, Season 2 Episode 12
Sometimes all it takes is a slammin' hottie to make you dig down deep and discover who you really are.J.D. in Scrubs, Season 4 Episode 8
I'm not really proud of this, but I can pick your puff'n'stuff out of a lineup.Christopher Turk in Scrubs, Season 2 Episode 14
Lemme see if I can make this real clear for you: If this hospital were a human body, you'd be the appendix, because at one time you served some function, but it was so long ago nobody's quite sure what that was anymore.Perry Cox in Scrubs, Season 6 Episode 7
Dr. Cox: 'I hate you. You suck.'
Elliot: 'I know, but I've been trying harder.'
Dr. Cox: 'Barbie? Talking to the computer, but nice self esteem.'
Saying someone is the best surgeon, is like saying someone is the smartest cast member of 'The Hills'.Perry Cox in Scrubs, Season 8 Episode 4
Newsflash, you can't drink and then come to work. You're not airline pilots.Perry Cox in Scrubs, Season 2 Episode 22
Do you actually listen to yourself when you speak, or do you find you drift in and out?Perry Cox in Scrubs, Season 1 Episode 17
This is the reason why your headache didn't go away. That's actually pronounced 'an-al-ge-sic', not 'anal-gesic'. Sir, the pills go in your mouth.Christopher Turk in Scrubs, Season 2 Episode 8