The Meanest and most Sassy Quotes 2024

Lord Melchett: "Ah, Blackadder, talking to yourself, I see."
Blackadder: "Yes, it's the only way I can be sure of intelligent conversation."

Baldrick: "I love my mum."
Blackadder: "And I love chops in sauce but I don't seek their advice."

"Dawn Schweitzer is a fat virgin."
"Still half true."

The mind is a complex and many-layered thing, Potter... or at least, most minds are.

Christ, you two! All I can say is if I ever get anal polyps, I'll know what to name them.

I'll be very clear here, because you and I face an evolutionary gap.

Longbottom, if brains were gold, you'd be poorer than Weasley, and that's saying something.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

I'm gonna knock your teeth so far down your throat, you'll have to shove a toothbrush up your ass to brush 'em.

Student: "Nice wig, Janis. What's it made of?"
Janis: "Your mom's chest hair!"

Griselda: "I heard that you liked my product."
Eddie 'The Bird' Rancon: "Beautiful. Was like shoving a f*cking coca plant up my nose."
Griselda: "Give the size of that thing I bet you have the whole f*cking brick up there."

The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr Brain has long since departed, hasn't he, Percy?

Your brain is so minute Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn't be enough to cover a small water biscuit.

Baldrick, your head is as empty as a eunach's underpants.

Prince George: "Someone said I had the wit and intellect of a donkey."
Blackadder: "Oh, an absurd suggestion sir. Unless it was a particularly stupid donkey."

My fists have a very strict diet... they only eat losers!

Whenever people agree with me, I always feel I must be wrong.

Life's just a game and lucky you, you're playing it with me.

Have a good life… What's left of it.

By the powers vested in me, I now pronounce you man and knife!

Class is Pain 101, instructor is Casey Jones.

Hans Gruber: "Do you really think you have a chance against us, Mr. Cowboy?"
John McClane: "Yippee-ki-yay, motherf*cker."

Chicago, lock up your daughters! Mt. Urkel is about to erupt.

Rest in pieces!

It's time to kick ass and chew bubble gum... and I'm all outta gum.

I'm gonna beat you like a piñata till candy flies out of your ass!

They do say, Mrs M, that verbal insults hurt more than physical pain. They are, of course, wrong, as you will soon discover when I stick this toasting fork into your head.

We're gonna need someone to sweep your teeth off the floor!

If you wish to continue breathing, I advise you to weigh your next words carefully.

I fear no man. If you breathe oxygen, it's fair game. I will come and take you out.

Dokk Strassi: "May you never leave Mos Espa."
Boba Fett: "Even when a Trandoshan pays you a compliment, it sounds like a threat."

Ten seconds, two choices: One, the information, or your brains on the desk.

You don't need your mouth to pee!

You're lucky you're still breathing, let alone able to walk. I suggest you take full advantage of that fact.

Any of you f*cking pricks move, and I'll execute every motherf*cking last one of ya!

Mrs M, if we were the last three humans on earth, I would be trying to start a family with Baldrick.

Baldrick, I want you to take this and go out and buy a turkey so large, you'd think its mother had been rogered by an omnibus.

Baldrick, believe me, eternity in the company of Beelzebub and all his hellish instruments of death will be a picnic compared to five minutes with me - and THIS pencil.

Gretchen, I'm sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea at Barnes & Nobles. And I'm sorry for telling everyone about it. And I'm sorry for repeating it now.

Chefkoch: "Well, if you want him to get really fat as fast as possible, one of you will have to marry him."
Stan: "Marry him?"
Chefkoch: "It definitely worked for every woman i ever met."