Kashaw: "Is there a weak point?"
Scanlan: "Our plan."
Oh, Kern, do you need some d-ck? Because I gave some to your mom last night!Sam Riegel / Scanlan Shorthalt in Critical Role, Season 1 Episode 23
Tavern Keeper: "First, you people drink me dry, then you destroy my tavern. And what is that gnome doing with my daughter?"
Scanlan: "It's probably best you don't know."
My lady's rose I will pluck
My love, it's time for us to f-
Your Excellence tried the best fighters, who've adventured far and wide
But I promise that you've never met a troop so qualified
There's Grog our mighty giant, he's a simpleminded hulk
And Percy's pepperbox can blow apart your f-ing skull
Nature hath no fury quite like Keyleth the Ashari
Controlling plants and animals, she's a magical safari
The twins Vex and Vax, she shoots, he hides in the pitch
They're stealthy and quite deadly but I forget which one is which
Pike's divinity is pure, her hands can always heal
Oh, and did I mention we have a bear? Trinket, no big deal
And as for myself? My name is Scanlan, the man with the phat purple hand
My music's the jam, going ham, you can't stand it
Get some water, hide your daughters
Brave warriors are we and far more clever than a fox
They'll tell tale of our exploits in the Legend of Vox - Machina
Open your back door, baby
Loosen your hinges, I'll show you my key
Scanlan: "Ok, I'm gonna move right there, into the room as far as I can."
Dungeon Master: "That's as far as, you can go that far."
Scanlan: "Ok, and I'm going to cast stinking cloud. Right there. It's gonna smell like just ass over there."
Don't worry, that hard wood is the boat.Sam Riegel / Scanlan Shorthalt in Critical Role, Episode 10
If only I had taken a dump in the middle of town, I could see what's going on right now.Sam Riegel / Scanlan Shorthalt in Critical Role