You're gonna move the ocean into the desert? That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard, unless they do it while Burning Man is happening. In which case, go for it. Please take a bath, you dirty hippies!
It's the 4th of July, that time of year when Americans who don't watch MSNBC, celebrate the nation's birthday.
Don't stereotype Asian people. Also, there's a good chance they're doctors, so they can help you out if you are worried.
I love getting in a Halloween spirit. I buy candy, and when trick-or-treaters come to my door, I eat it in their faces, to show that nothing in life is free!
Do you know how bad that coffee has to be to to be considered a health risk in New York? This is the same city where pizza gets delivered by a rat!
If you wanna spend money to have a shitty night, just go on a Tinder date: "Oh, wow. That's so interesting. I've never met anyone who likes to travel before."
The Metaverse is being made by Microsoft and Facebook, so you know it's gonna be boring as sh-t.
Close contact with disgusting creatures that may touch you? That's not a haunted house. That's a sleepover at Jeffrey Epstein's place.
Don't point fingers on the internet, because the internet will finger you right back.
They're tricking kids into building their own playground. And I gotta tell you, this exact same thing happened to me back home in Asia, and by the time we were done "playing", we had finished a whole new line of Nike's.
The only way the army should use Fortnite is to drop it on Isis. Then they'll start playing it 20 hours a day, and we'll have won the War on Terror and that's when we really get to dance.
The Daily Show - June 2023
