The best Quotes by Ron Swanson

Parks and Recreation - Season 3 Episode 2

There's only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water that is lying about being milk.

Parks and Recreation

Milk

Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream, or be nothing.

Parks and Recreation

Ice Cream

Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.

Parks and Recreation

Vodka Tequila

There has never been a sadness that can't be cured by breakfast food.

Parks and Recreation

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Jogging is the worst. I know it keeps you healthy, but God, at what cost?

Ann Perkins in Parks and Recreation - Season 4 Episode 7

Sports Jogging

One time my refrigerator stopped working. I didn't know what to do. I just moved.

Tom Haverford in Parks and Recreation - Season 5 Episode 19

What I hear when I'm being yelled at is people caring really loudly at me.

Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation

I would like a glass of red wine and I'll take the cheapest one you have because I can't tell the difference.

Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation

Wine

I'm big enough to admit that I am often inspired by myself.

Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation

I'm going to tell you a secret about everyone else's job: no one knows what they are doing. Deep down, everyone is just faking it until they figure it out.

April Ludgate in Parks and Recreation

No matter what I do, literally nothing bad can happen to me. I'm like a white, male U.S. Senator.

Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation

Calzones are pointless. They're just pizza that's harder to eat. No one likes them.

Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation

Ugh. I hate talking to people about things.

April Ludgate in Parks and Recreation

I'm allergic to sushi. Every time I eat more than 80 sushis, I barf.

Parks and Recreation

Sushi

The raccoon problem is under control. They have their part of the town and we have ours.

Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation

I don't want to be overdramatic, but today felt like a hundred years in hell and the absolute worst day of my life.

Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation

I stand behind my decision to avoid salad and other disgusting things.

Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation

Salad

Guys love it when you can show them you're better than they are at something they love.

Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation

Halloween is my favorite holiday. It's just the best. And I don't have to work! Hey sl*tty teenage girls dressed as sexy kittens, pump your own stomachs this year!

Ann Perkins in Parks and Recreation

Halloween

I had to call in a few favors. But if you don't call in favors to look at women in bikinis and assign them numerical grades, what the hell do you call in favors for?

Tom Haverford in Parks and Recreation

I have never taken the high road. But I tell other people to ‘cause then there's more room for me on the low road.

Tom Haverford in Parks and Recreation

I'm like an elephant, okay? If I walk into a room, it's like, okay, he's in there.

Tom Haverford in Parks and Recreation - Season 3 Episode 13

I wasn't listening but I strongly disagree with Ann.

April Ludgate in Parks and Recreation - Season 4 Episode 21

Sometimes you gotta work a little so you can ball a lot.

Tom Haverford in Parks and Recreation - Season 5 Episode 6

Time is money; Money is power; Power is pizza; Pizza is knowledge. Let's go!

April Ludgate in Parks and Recreation - Season 6 Episode 10

She's the worst person I've ever met. I want to travel the world with her.

April Ludgate in Parks and Recreation

We have to remember what's important in life: friends, waffles, and work. Or waffles, friends, work. But work has to come third.

Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation

I'm gonna get drunk and then I'm gonna order a three-course meal where each course is made of dessert.

Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation

Everything hurts and I'm dying.

Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation - Season 4 Episode 17

Idaho cut their parks department by 80 percent. And Idaho is basically one giant park.

Parks and Recreation

Idaho

Ross: "I could ask her to live with me. I mean, why not?"
Chandler: "Because you've only known her for six weeks. I've got a carton of milk in my refrigerator I've had a longer relationship with."

Chandler Bing in Friends - Season 4 Episode 19

Milk

Robin, girls are like cartons of milk. Each one has a hotness expiration date and you've hit yours. I'm not saying the occasional guy won't still open the fridge, pick you up, give a sniff, shrug and take a sip anyway, but it's all downhill from here.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother - Season 6 Episode 1

Milk

You can't ruin a friendship with sex. That's like trying to ruin ice cream with chocolate sprinkles

Rajesh Koothrappali in The Big Bang Theory - Season 5 Episode 1

Sex Ice Cream

Hey kid, you know how your mom won't let you have icecream 'til after dinner, but then the waiting kind of makes it taste better? Well, I've been waiting two months for that bowl of ice cream - and tonight I'm gonna have sex with it.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 7

Ice Cream

Potatoes become french fries, chips and vodka. I'm starting to think that other vegetables aren't really trying.

Vodka Potatoes French Fries

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... and try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

Ron White

Parties Vodka Zitronen

More tequila
More love
More anything
More is better

Meredith Grey in Grey's Anatomy

Tequila

She's holding that bottle of tequila like a life vest.

Alex Karev in Grey's Anatomy - Season 5 Episode 12

Tequila

If you start deporting every shady looking guy with questionable tattoos, who's gonna go to Jets games?

Jordan Klepper in The Daily Show

New York Jets

The best Quotes by Ron Swanson

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